A
male
age
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anonymous
writes:I love my lover so much but find it so difficult to leave my wife and daughter. Two years ago, over 30 years on, the love of my life contacted me. I always felt it only was a matter of time before we were in touch again. Since then we have formed a magical but illicit relationship. I certainly dont love my wife in the same way, not sure I ever did. I am now faced with the dilemma of abandoning my 30 year marriage or losing the lost love I yearned for so much. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 Remember, magical things are tricks. You're painting this illicit relationship like a Hollywood movie. Of course you don't love your wife like the other woman. You had a real relationship with your wife. You had "time and history" with her. You had experiences and memories. What was probably missing was excitement. So, you found that the sneaky way. How is your wife supposed to fight a battle she doesn't even know she's fighting? Instead of joining forces with your wife and battling the boredom of a stale marriage, you committed treason and joined forces with the enemy.
Maybe your marriage is terrible. Maybe it's beyond repair. Maybe you're both to blame. These things happen all the time. What you've done though is disrespectful. Your wife deserves the truth.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): I think you need to gently sit her down and explain to your wife what's been going on with you and your lover. You can expect a lot of hurt feelings and possibly fireworks, but your wife deserves to know what the problem is, if she hasn't guessed already. The decision of whether to stay or go will in all probability be taken out of your hands from that moment on.
I found myself in exactly the same position as yourself 8 years ago and things have worked out for me. I'm a lot happier now than I was then, my ex has remarried and as far as I know is also very happy these days. There were cracks in my marriage, some of which I was aware of, others that I was not, and getting together with my first love showed them all up. All in all, everyone is a lot happier than they were 8 years ago.
The only problem in your case is your daughter. A lot depends on how old she is and how she reacts when she finds out what's going on. Kids are very perceptive and she has probably noticed that things are not right with you and her mother. You have to ask yourself if you're doing the kid any favours by subjecting her to a 'hostile' environment. My daughter told me that I didn't do her any favours by staying with her mother for her sake, and wasn't particularly upset about me moving out. My daughter and I are just as close as we've ever been and there was no damage done there, but yours may react totally differently. It's a chance you'll have to take, but she'll always be your daughter and even if she initially takes it badly, she'll come to realise that these things happen and sometimes it's for the best.
I hope it all works out for you too.
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A
female
reader, Serenity1  +, writes (5 September 2008):
 I think honesty means everything, and if you've been with your wife for 30 yrs she knows that your feeling are being shared. I would just sit her down and tell her the situation. This doesn't mean you have to go be with your lost love, but you might just need to be with yourself for a while to have a open mind and make the wise decision.
You will also be able to distinguish whether your long lost love is really for you or not. Speaking from a womans point of view man seem to be more attractive when they're taken. I have no idea why that might just be my opinion.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 September 2008):
 Don't you think that after 30 years your wife deserves to have the truth?
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A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (5 September 2008):
 It seems you have already mentally checked out of the marriage, so if you don't love your wife I would say leave. But that doesn't mean that things will work out with your mistress. Sometimes in a situation like this, we have built that other person up so much in our mind that rekindling your 'long lost true love' does not always work out.
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