A
female
age
36-40,
*opa
writes:Dear Cupid...so far you are the only person i talk to and who has been kind enough to help.Thank you. Nway with the newyear,i had to make resolutions, that can help me be a better person. So among other stuff, i decided to get into a relationship again. Lucky enough one of my x boyfriend appeared during the chrstmas season and i must say i got attracted to him again.Okey his called Jean. We met last year in may. and he fell head over heals in love with me. we dated for about 3month, though we did not get intimate because i was from a real hard knocker heartbreak.I even did not tell him about the heart break.Lets just say that at that moment he loved me more than i did.i was just not ready yet.so i kind of went silent and he got the point and let me go. we went separate ways for ayear, until i saw him this december and i realised i had let go of someone really important and that i love him.So i gathered the courage and told him how i feel.I told him i was sorry and that i missed him and i would love to get back together.But his no longer intrested and he told me so...He says we can just be friends.Am feeling so sad,i dont know how to explain my self. More so, he lives in another country, which makes it hard for me show him how much i care.His not intrested and it hurts, yet i love him... what do i do?
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (8 January 2010):
 Well you have had both male and female perspectives on this one and I think you would be wise to take snippets from everyone but ultimately it is YOUR life and you have to do what YOU want.
You can let him know you still care for him deeply and wish him well in his life from now on, that is ALL you can do. He needs to have his own space to let his heart heal and that just takes a lot of time and nurturing I'm afraid.
You say your not working right now, well time to get busy you are at an age where your future is right ahead of you and you don't want to be reliant on another person for your own independence and financial stability so I would work on finding our what you are really good at and maybe that in turn will be your career in the long run.
Don't waste your life doing nothing, it is amazing how someone can turn their life around when the chips are down and there is always opportunities available if we look for them.
Good luck.
BFN
Country Woman
A
male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (7 January 2010):
 Im sorry to say, but this is how it works on the bigger oicture of things. You had your chance with a great guy, this happens alot with us guys when we finally give our genuine hearts to a woman and she either is not ready, does not believe us, acts all over cautious, or some other reason and then gives us the silent treatment. It really breaks our heart. but we eventually move on in time.
1) Some guys turn into sex machines (also known as the bad boy) and never love again only to get their enjoyment by tricking women into the bedroom. 2) Others remain single for the rest of there lives vowing never to fall in love ever again. 3) Then there are the ones who go into relationships and never say those three words "i love you" ever again, even though the woman in the relationship is longing to hear him say those words. the reason why they don't is because they fear she will leave him.
It is a cause of your own demise. You wish to understand? Then allow a man who says he loves you or falls for you to express his feelings, but if you break his heart, be aware of the above. and that there is no turning back once his heart is fully 100% over you. In your case he may still love you a little but im not sure pn;y you can tell if you have the magic to bring him back. All you can do is keep trying.
If you do keep trying at least you can say you did try your very best. That way you will have no regrets and can move on.
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A
female
reader, jopa +, writes (7 January 2010):
jopa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx everyone for taking time to read my problem and giving me advice...i gladly appreciate it..i guess its hard to take in, but one day at a time will do.The only challenge is that i dont rily have a job to keep me busy...so i hope i work on keeping busy. nway i appreciate all the care...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 January 2010):
Why go back to an ex? An ex is an ex for a reason.You made a new years resolution to make yourself feel better. So since it's a new year, get to know new men. Don't make the mistake of going back. You now know your ex isn't interested, so make another resolution to find a new, better guy who will adore you instead.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 January 2010):
Why go back to an ex? An ex is an ex for a reason.You made a new years resolution to make yourself feel better. So since it's a new year, get to know new men. Don't make the mistake of going back. You now know your ex isn't interested, so make another resolution to find a new, better guy who will adore you instead.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (7 January 2010):
Sweetheart there is not much you can do.
He loved you and he was obviously hurt very deeply when things ended between you. It is time to move on no matter how much it hurts.
If he ever lives in the same country as you do then who knows but right now, don't waste your energy and heart on someone who cannot for whatever reason reciprocate your feelings.
It is a new year and time for you to consider what life can offer you.
You are still young and so you should be enjoying life and not totally concentrating on one person.
We are here to live life to the full and right now that is not what you are doing, he was an ex and so you have to leave it at that.
Think about all the things you want to do with your life, your rose tinted glasses need to be taken off and reality needs to kick in I'm afraid.
If you have a job then think about whether you enjoy doing what your doing, if you do, then think about how far you can go in that job. If it isn't fulfilling then consider how you can improve yourself, whether that is getting some extra training in-house or going on a course of some sort, then consider that.
Maybe think about a career change or going to night classes etc.
Think about something you can look forward to i.e. a holiday or short break and maybe spending time with your gf's instead.
Take each day as it comes and your heart will mend believe me. Just don't expect too much of yourself.
You may have been ready to get back into a relationship with this ex but he just couldn't handle it right now and it would have been a long distance relationship in any case and they are so hard to maintain even living in the same country let alone being in a different country.
Maybe Christmas clouded your judgement as you didn't want to be on your own.
Love does hurt, but also new love can be so fulfilling to. Just give yourself time to heal and keep yourself active OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, LaPointe  +, writes (7 January 2010):
Honey, do you love him, or are you just lonely and you want anybody that you associate with loving you? It seems to me like you told yourself, I am going to make a relationship, and then somebody you remember loving you (who seemed like a safe choice) shows up, and you are trying to force it.You can't force this kind of thing. Even if you do really love him and care for him now, you can't make him love you. Be patient and wait for somebody who really will, and who you'll really love - and not because you're lonely and want to feel loved, but because you're happy and you want to give love.
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (7 January 2010):
 I dont think your as head over heels as you think you are, you stated it was your resolution to "get into a relationship"which in my book is about as good of a resolution as your going to start shooting up heroin, or your going to start smoking! it makes no sense, which tells me all I need to know, you already had something with him, it was left unasnwered, the times werent right then, and there not right now, maybe you'll meet a couple years down the line, and the times will finally be right, I never purposely get into relationships, that still kills me! just go find someone else, shouldnt be that hard, I got a little brother, whos trying to get into another relationship, maybe you 2 can go out? i dont know what to tell you.and how could you love him? from the sound of things you dont even know him? unless I read you wrong?
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