A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a new boyfriend but we haven't known each other for years(2 months)Everything is fantastic. Not moving too fast, we haven't had sex yet, but have done other smaller things. Basically its on a good emotional level too, we are very open with communication too.When we first met we spoke about becoming exclusive and he told me he went for a date/drink with another friend a few days before meeting me but told her he didn't want to meet again. He told me he was focused on me and don't want to date anyone else.The other night we was chatting and he is wanting to move out of his parents house (which is something he has wanted for a while). He mentioned a list of close friends who were considering moving out with him, and he mentioned the name of this girl Rachel. I was shocked because the girl he originally went for a drink with was called Rachel (he tagged them in the bar they were in). I also did some stalking and saw he liked her photo last week, futhurmore shes always liking his posts. futhurmore I am wanting to move out around the same time as him so I couldn't understand why he wouldn't want to wait and see how it goes with me instead of moving out with all these people, esp a girl hes not close friends with.He told me he is visiting his friend today (a female). After hearing this about considering getting a place with this Rachel, I felt like he maybe meeting her. I messaged him and asked if he was, and my concerns over him moving in with random girl when I'm his girlfriend and I'm the only person he hasn't even asked if I would want to even in theory.He explained its early days, he didn't want to add pressre. And he was just asking people in general but he would love to move in with me if things work out.He is unaware that I am 99% positive this Rachel is the girl he orgianlly went for a drink with so probably the girl that liked him, and knowing she is happy to move in with him, shows she is interested. The liking of the photos makes me angry. I wouldn't be happy if they met up in person again.Everything is ok now, we get on amazing and he is very caring. That is all sorted. But I feel I need answers about this Rachel girl.I don't want to look like a stalker but it doesn't feel right that a girl he went for a drink with before me is on about moving in with him, and still all over his facebook.Should I bring it up again in person when I see him next and be direct and ask about her? Its early days so I don't want to come across as a crazy girlfriend but this is making me uneasy.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 November 2016):
 I agree with WiseOwlE as well.
2 months IS WAY too soon to move in together (as a couple) the relationship is still not solid.
Instead of being upset about this ONE girl, I'd point out that you really aren't keen on him having a female roommate. If he gives you the "oh but she is like a sister to me" or whatnot excuse - then ASK him how he would feel if you moved in with a guy-friend. Just for perspective.
And I also think it would be a VERY good idea for you to met this Rachel. If she IS just a friend that should be no problem, if she has the hots for him it probably won't happen. Or if she really doesn't know about you, it definitely won't happen.
Snooping is a CLEAR sign that things aren't going well. Same with him playing it like this girl he might move in with is "just" some friend.
You say we have known each other for years, yet this potential friend/roommate is not known to you? Don't you find that odd?
Also, I don't think it's your job (as a GF) to dictate whom he can be friends with and whom he can't. But you CAN tell him you feel uncomfortable with him having a female roommate.
HE should know that if this RACHEL is the one he had a fling with and who is crushing on him, that it's NOT a great idea to go LIVE with her. I mean common sense?
Personally? I'd just have a chat with him about the whole roommate situation. I would NOT suggest you two live together already, I think he is right in not wanting that YET. But why doesn't he NEED to have a female roommate? And If he talks more about this girl, suggest you get to meet her, that she sounds really nice.
AND STOP snooping. It makes you look distrustful and well.. a little crazy.
Hold off on the sex a while longer as well. TILL you feel there is trust between you. Right now... there isn't.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2016): Two months is way to soon to consider living together, most people wait to they've been together a year or so at the very least..
It sounds like your in the early stages of a relationship where you are both still figuring each other out and what the relationship will be. It seems like he's a bit more casual about the relationship and keeping his options open whilst you're pushing for a bit more.
My advice would be not to force things. Don't lose yourself to a relationship, know your boundaries but also don't come on to strong. If you come across all confrontational, and someone that snoops around then he could run a mile.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (4 November 2016):
 All I'd add to WiseOwlE's advice is that I really think 2 months is too soon to move in together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2016): If you ask me, your relationship isn't as sound and committed as you may think it is. I think his feelings are still up in the air about you; and he's just not being honest about it.
Have you offered the suggestion of moving in together; or are you waiting to be asked? If you haven't, ask. Also inform him that you are not comfortable with him considering a female room mate. To do so is really inconsiderate of your feelings, and sounds a bit fishy.
Snooping around on him constitutes distrust; and it may raise a red-flag if he finds out about it. It should also raise a red-flag if Rachel's name keeps coming up. If it's evident he's hiding what's going on between him and Rachel, it's up to you to decide if you want to remain with this guy. His job as your new boyfriend is to help you feel secure in taking the risk and investing your feelings.
You claim everything is amazing. Apparently not. Be direct only about his considering moving in with another woman, when your relationship is so new. I'd give him benefit of the doubt she is only a friend; but would ask to meet Rachel. It's suspicious you've never met. You're his girlfriend!
I think the question is more about whether he is as committed to you as you think? Otherwise; why is he considering moving in with another female when he has a new girlfriend? You should be his first and only choice.
Yet again, another situation of the guy playing stupid, with questionable motives behind his actions. I can only say, if he asks another girl and not you, find yourself another boyfriend. You'll never be comfortable with that; and I wouldn't blame you.
Trust isn't the sole issue; it's whether he's really committed to you or still at the stage of deciding?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have known each other for years*
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