A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Yeah so a couple weeks ago this girl I was seeing for a few months. Really pretty girl, my friends even said he was hot. I'm an average guy, maybe a 6 on a scale of 1 to 10. I make a decent living but def not rich. Anyway, to make a long story short she broke off our relationship. And then a week later hooked up with this guy in his 50s who is LOADED. I was so pissed off I thought I was gonna explode from the insides out so I called her up and said some ass nasty things to her, like Youre a cheap gold digger. (OK maybe I said the word Ho too a couple times.) Anyway she got pissed back and said There was nothing wrong in being interested in a rich man. He was generous and spent money on her and financed her and made her feel safe. Its obvious she wouldnt be with him if he made my kinda dough. And she admitted that. He's like 30 years older than she is!!!I'm all twisted now. Its been a few weeks and I am calmer but still wondering if maybe she was right. Is it being shallow to hook up with a guy for his loot...oris it just being realistic and practical?Thanks,Jimmy
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): If women want to enjoy equal rights with men, one of the things they must give up is the excuse that shacking up with an older rich partner is "just being practical."
It's 2012, not 1952. The income gap is pretty small, the education gap is starting to run the other direction, and this excuse for selling one's self is no longer valid.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): It sounds like she hurt your pride more than anything. Yep you used the term ( that I so much love...) "hot"... Shallow term. You sound like one of those arrogant guys I used to see at the club... no substance what so ever. If she was in love with you? She would have stayed with you. Do you really want this gold digger to be your girlfriend anyway?? She really did you a favor in the long run. What comes around goes around... She will get hers! ;)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): She's not any more shallow than you are. Look how you described her: really pretty and hot. You said nothing about her character or anything else. You like hot and she likes rich.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): Yes you can call it shallow that she chose him because of his money, but it's more than money - like you said, it's security and lifestyle. these are major issues, and they are emotional reasons.
It's understandable that you feel 'castrated' - because she is saying that this other guy takes care of her better and makes her feel safer and more secure. Men have an emotional need to be seen as the providers and protectors of women, so the fact that she saw someone else as being a better provider and protector is a direct assault on your ego.
It's like how women feel when their boyfriends or husbands leave them for a younger and more attractive woman.
But don't place your self worth on her. if this is what she wants, she can have it. You will find another woman who will appreciate you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 March 2012):
 I thought about this question for a bit, and I think I should respond to you by reading between the lines of what you wrote, rather than only respond to what you wrote.
There are two issues at play here. The first is your ego. I feel for you, because you were rejected for reasons that are shallow. I know you're hurting, or you wouldn't have lashed out at her the way you did. Whether the issue is that he's richer, or that he was a better lover, or that he is better looking, or makes her feel safer, it boiled down to compatibility. Whether you agree with her criteria, or whether we all think she's shallow or evil or cruel to reject you, the point is that it's not a deficiency in YOU that she did what she did. You can feel better about that basis alone. You also know that before you get bitter or jaded about women in general, there are more loving and compatible women out there.
As for her, she will have to deal with the impact her choice made on her life. She is in a "use-use" relationship, where, as Jane Austen said so eloquently, she's ranked the demands of her pocketbook higher than the demands of her heart. She will have to live with that for the rest of her life. You and I both know that she's walking down the path of a hollow existence, where she has financial security (as long as she interests him) but loneliness.
You must stay strong. It's beneath you to throw a tantrum and call names and pine away and get pissed off and act out. That may feel good, but not in the end. You have to walk your path as she does, and you are still free to pursue true love with someone who loves you, while she gives up true independence and love simply for money. No matter how she chooses, you must choose better.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 I would say she wasn't right, but that makes absolutely no difference to you. The truth of the matter is that she still wants the rich guy. This is not a good person to be with, so I think you're way better off now than you were before. Count this as one of your blessings, even though it won't be easy.
P.S.: If she finds that Rich was also Scrooge, don't let her come back to you. She made her choice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): Truly what is the difference? You're looking for beauty and she is looking for stability. Would you date her if she was a 6/10? Why then should she date someone who is a 6/10 in the financial stability department?
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (27 March 2012):
 Wealthy, or powerful men have a better advantage than the average Joe ....much like hot women have a greater advantage than the average looking females. They are just tools to advance in life and these are realities of life. You only dated this woman for a short time period. This wasn't a serious, long-term relationship with a long history and strong commitment. I have no idea whether or not she values money over love simply because I don't know if she ever loved you to begin with. Maybe she simply liked you, hence it was easy to discard you. Or maybe money and financial security are the most important factors in her life. People have all kinds of priorities. There is nothing wrong with wanting a wealthy partner, but if that is the only quality that attracts you, then yes, it would have been a shitty move on her end. Just like it would be shitty if you primarily dated her because she was attractive.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 Its a bit of both, she's shallow and practical as well, to a certain extent. We criticize people for saying that they would rather choose money over love, but lets face it OP, money IS important. At the end of the day, its a personal choice. Some of us choose love over money and would rather be happy with a not-so-rich guy than be miserable with a millionaire. Its all a personal choice. Your ex chose money because that was more important to her, she wanted the safety and financial security that the older man is able to provide and that tops her list of priorities.
Bottom line, she wasnt the right person for you, if she loved you, this thought would never have entered her mind. You have to let go of her because someone like her isn't worth crying over.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 In my opinion she is very shallow. Chances are she is not attracted to this man (not many 20 odd year old girls are going to fancy the pants off a 50 year old), and the only reason she is with him is because of his money - that is shallow.
If she had met him, felt an instant attraction, fallen head over heels for his personality....then fair enough, you can excuse the age difference.
There is an element of practicality in dating a man with money, but it should NEVER be the main reason for dating someone. Take me for instance - I am 24, and I typically do date men with money (not loaded though). This is because I like to know that in the future I will have a comfortable secure life, and it will not be fraught with money problems. However I rely upon myself more to earn money, I have a great job and I am very ambitious. If I ever got to the point where I needed a man to finance me I would feel completely ashamed of myself, you should never rely on anyone for money.
She clearly is taking advantage of this man because of his money, but if that is what makes her happy then fair enough. She has shown her true colours, she is shallow and a gold digger and doesnt have any morals, nor does she believe in love or a deep emotional connection. Money makes her happy, end of story.
You have had a lucky escape if you ask me!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 May I also add that had she stayed with you we could have twisted this into saying "she's so shallow, she chose someone good looking over that wrinkled older man".
My point is just that everyone is shallow to some extent. But it's no different from an attraction. Some people are more attracted to looks, others to money, others again are attracted to stability (I've seen people getting dumped for changing their career-path too many times), others again are attracted to a certain skin colour, and others again are attracted to kindness and a great sense of humour. Whatever floats your boat. Sure some people are more shallow than others, but do we really have a right to judge them? And anyway, when everyone are shallow to varying degrees, is being shallow really so horrible?
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (27 March 2012):
"Is it being shallow to hook up with a guy for his loot...oris it just being realistic and practical?"
You know what? Everyone is shallow to some extent. And then again everyone is deep to some extent as well. Lets take a look at the two opposites here. To not be shallow (I'll call it deep) would mean you are attracted to a person simply by virtue of their personality, correct?
The only people who do that are pansexuals. And pansexuals are few and far in between.
The other extreme would be a shallow person who is with someone who's personality is ugly as shit, right, but the perks of the relationship are good. So that person could smack you around, or not care about you at all, neglect you or be downright horrible, and you'd still stick around because of money or whatnot?
Well, thinking about it, that sounds more like an abuse-victim than a shallow person. It also sounds like someone who has no self respect, or someone who is not valuing themselves. They can also sound like whores, but few whores are in the business because they willingly want to.
So, to sum it up, the two extremes are not quite what we thought they were. And everyone else fall in the middle. That includes you, and that includes her, and that includes the majority of the population.
The mere fact that you are attracted to women over men is a sign that you are "shallow" if you will. Because by being attracted to one specific gender you are ruling out a lot of wonderful personalities, just by going on looks.
Then again, wanting a partner who is strong, looks good, and can provide for you, are healthy things to want in a partner, if you want your offspring to survive. Being shallow then is as natural as everything else.
Finding money attractive is no different from you finding women more attractive over men. A woman can give you a child, a man can not. However a rich man can take care of his woman, whereas a poor man might not. If the rich man also happens to have a decent personality then how shallow is she really? She isn't sticking to some low-life douche just for his money, is she? She's sticking to someone who might actually be nice, and who has money in addition.
You take your pick as well. Would you rather be with a woman who is nice in general and has an amazing body, a lovely career and money etc. Or would you choose the artistic woman who sleeps on a friends couch, looks like 50 even if she is 20, but has amazing ideas for the world and a beautiful mind? I mean who do YOU find more attractive? Who would YOU rather be in a relationship with?
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (27 March 2012):
 Jimmy
sugar daddy = security = practical = makes sense to me
not ALL girls are same shes just using her assets while she can You can use yours to find a new woman maybe a rich cougar
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (27 March 2012):
 To me, she's being shallow. If she stays with the man, it wouldn't be surprising if she marries him and has lovers on the side. To her, its being practical and she is definitely looking out for herself and her future. I'm sorry that you are hurting, but honestly in the long run she did you a favor, at least you had not invested years into the relationship and she did this. Please don't think all women are like her, we aren't. My fiance is a doctor who works in a laboratory and he makes less than $50,000.00 a year. I am DEFINITELY not with him for the money, he's poor compared to most white collar workers! I love him because he's brilliant, caring and an incredible human being. I'd love him if he was a ditch digger. You just ran into a girl who puts materialistic things first. Its understandable that you are confused, it had to have been a shock. Trust me though, in the end, you got off easy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): Women want to feel safe and secure, unfortunately for you, for this girl that means being with a man who has the means to make her feel that way.
Women are attracted to power: money = power, nuff said.
Move on to bigger and better things, my friend.
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A
female
reader, curious1987  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 don't waste time thinking about her . she us obviously verye shallow and low self esteem. you can definitely do better then that y would u want to date a girl thats only interested in money? you wouldn't. find someone that is going to treat you right. most girls are better then that, not shallow and not gold diggers.xx
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 March 2012):
 Money can’t buy happiness but it sure can make misery more fun. I have to tell you it’s much easier to have a life with money and ease than not.
And to be honest you cannot live on love… truly. It’s a nice thought but with gas at 4 dollars a gallon and a gallon of milk costing around 3-4 dollars… ya gotta have decent funds to have a halfway decent life.
That being said… IF she broke up with you just to go be with him… she’s a shallow piece of work and you are better off without her. But mothers have always said “it’s as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man” AND until recently…. Marriage was a business deal… countries lived and died by who the rulers married… Even George Washington’s marriage to Martha was one of convenience that grew into love…
My partner is not tall, dark or handsome. He is currently unemployed and will never make the kind of money I make… but I’m with him for other reasons… and he’s with me for his reasons…
Let her go… she’s not worth the effort you will make to either get her back or make yourself feel better about her leaving…
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