A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need a little advice about oral sex. I always thought that men loved to give oral sex to their ladies, but recently discovered that my husband of 8 years may not like to give it. We are both 28 years old. I make sure I always shower first and that's become my way of telling him I want it so hygiene has nothing to do with it. He's tried to go down on me a few times a long time ago, but I refused it because I did not shower right before. He will never tell me to hop in the shower so he could give it to me and I asked him why I always have to initiate it. He said because I always have to shower first and I take too long while he's down there. Now he claims that he was kidding about that comment of me taking too long, but I said what's the point of it being so quick for me. I actually showered before being intimate with him a few days ago and he didn't go down on me. Now I am feeling frustrated because I enjoy it, but now feel uncomfortable about receiving it because all I'll be thinking of is that he is not having fun with me and probably wondering how much longer I'll be. Can anyone give some advice how to make him enjoy it more or something? Is there something I can do to make him want to do it without me having to ask him? Don't men enjoy going down on their ladies?
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 If it's merely a question of selfishness, then you stick to your guns, hunny. Give him the reciprocal amount of oral that he gives you, no more. You wouldn't be doing any favors to yourself if you let him get his own way, it would be like faking an orgasm. It won't improve your love life. Like most of the guys on the thread said, they do like it now, perhaps they didn't in the beginning, but the best things in life are usually an acquired taste... LOL! Good Luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Thank you all for your responses. But my husband's lack of wanting to go down on me, has nothing to do with personal hygiene. I am an extremely clean person and make sure that I am always squeeky clean. I too almost passed out from the horrible odor in the woman's bathroom stalls at work and that I can understand being repulsed about doing it, but I am way too clean for him to be repulsed. I have let him know that I enjoy it but he still will not initiate it. I of course can take a shower and ask for it, and he'll do it, but now that I know he really doesn't want to, I will only feel uncomfortable knowing that he is not enjoying it. Sure I can climax in about 2 minutes, but I hold out for about 10 minutes. It's too enjoyable to have it end in such a short amount of time. I guess he is alittle selfish in this respect and that just really sux. I go down on him for atleast 10, 15 minutes at a time and never complain so he shouldn't either. This works both ways and if I can't get it, neither will he. He can't be that stupid to realize that he is not being a very good lover when he won't take the upper hand to please me like I do with him. It just amazes me how guys can sit in front of a computer and watch women going down on women and men going down on women and enjoy that, but doesn't enjoy the act itself with the woman they claim to love. I am sexually frustrated about this and I shouldn't have to ask for it at this point. He knows what I like.
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A
male
reader, agtorange +, writes (18 June 2008):
 Of the guys I know my age who;ve done it they all claim to dislike doing it. Alot of guys just find the idea gross, or the smell, or w/e.
Personally I like giving oral as much as getting it.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (18 June 2008):
I only have the manual that came with me, but too be quite frank, I have only had two yeast infections in my entire life, and they smell quite different from a pussy that has had semen in it. The vaginal muscles become a bit slack after childbirth, hence the fanny fart, and simply swimming or having a bath introduces water into the vagina. Taking in water and letting it out has nothing to do with disturbing the natural balance, but the the french bidet industry wouldn't know ay better that But I have been in bathroom stalls where I wished that women would take a bit more care with their personal hygiene because the smell nearly knocked me over and personally, I have never emitted an odor quite so foul. I suspect that a lot of women listen to people who don't have the owner's manual's when the take care of their personal health. I only know this because I am a "Water Baby" - "Swim Team Anchor" and lived my whole life in the water. Having spent my whole life with sisters in Sororities, I have talked about yeast infections and know that I haven't had more than two, even if I have introduced the foreign substance of water into my vagina. AND, frankly, if you ever were in a bathroom stall beside a women who did not know how to take care of her vagina, you might be thankful thank you are male and not in a woman's bathroom... Websites or no websites...
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (18 June 2008):
 When I was married, there was nothing I enjoyed more than giving my wife oral sex. Not sure why, since when I was younger the thought of oral sex repulsed me. Once I got my face down there and tasted it for the first time, I was hooked. So here's my opinion on the matter:
1. Showering can be good. This sends the message that you're clean and ready for him to give you oral pleasures. I can remember sometimes wanting to really give her oral sex but just thinking about the fact that she hadn't showered turned me off sometimes. I can say, however, that even if she didn't shower, and we were getting it on, once I got my face down there - something about her natural odor or pheromones got me all worked up and I would soon become animalistic and start licking like there was no tomorrow. So while there was something burned in my brain telling me I wish she'd shower first, the reality is it didn't really matter.
2. Natural odor and flavor are wonderful tasting to a man who truly enjoys the natural flavor and odor of his woman. This is true for all men who TRULY enjoy it. Like I said, sometimes my ex wife would not have been showered first and the musky smell emanating from her crotch would drive me absolutely wild. But other men might not like this smell and might turn them off. I'm not saying my ex wife stinks, I'm saying it was a light musky smell - not fishy or "haven't washed in a few days" smell. It really turned me on. I, me, I liked it. Some other man might not. Preference.
3. How long it takes you to orgasm is all part of the fun of sex. I can remember when it seemed like it took my ex wife forEVER to cum, and my jaw and tongue would be tired from the tongue lashing (pun intended) I'd given her - then I'd have to switch it up and figure something else out that I know she liked to get her worked up and help her orgasm along. My goal was to make sure my ex wife had an orgasm at least once during every sexual encounter between us. So if that meant spending time down there to make sure she had an orgasm, then so be it. I love the feeling her muscles massaging my tongue when she finally climaxed. I'd keep my face/mouth/tongue there until she calmed down.
So, if you're husband needs to be told to eat you, then be sure to remind him that you really like it when he does that and would make you happy if he went down on you. That way he knows, and has been told how to please you. Sometimes we take for granted that our partners know how to please us and we stop saying what we like and want in the bedroom. Truth is, we change - and so does our needs. So let him know that you'd like him to do this and that when you shower and come back naked, that should be his cue to start the activities.
Hope this helps
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): Birdy, the vagina is naturally acedic, while water is normally slightly alkaline. Only distilled water is PH neutral. Yeast thrives in an alkaline environment, therefore douching with tap water will make a more friendly environment for yeast. Semen is also alkaline to neutralize the acidic environment of the vagina temporarily to help the sperm survive. The acedic environment is essential to vaginal health.
My wife smells a little fishy for a couple of hours after sex, but is back to a neutral smell shortly after that. All she does is wash the outside with a non-fragrance soap. I am well aware of this, as I have given her oral sex a few hours after intercourse many times, usually at least once a week.
If a woman has an objectionable odor for a few days after sex without douching then she needs to see her GYN to discover the problem. She probably has a mild yeast infection.
Do a Google search for "douche healthy" and you will find many articles about the disadvantages of douching, at least more than once a month.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (17 June 2008):
troubledtoomuch, Your wife was probably reading about using solutions as douches, which is an extremely old-fashioned idea. I wouldn't douche with anything but water which is naturally ph perfect, No old fashioned vinegar or man-made solutions, just water. That's why the French invented the bidet. If you don't douche after sex or your period, your scent does change and get a little funky. I don't care to smell like sex for a few days after sex. Douching with water doesn't disturb your natural moistness or make you prone to yeast infections. That comes from bacteria that is introduced into the vagina, not from water. I just would like to clear that up because often Doctors often will give advice for something that they don't have the owners manual on, and it is normal to have water inside of your vagina. It's also normal to know the inside of your own vagina and be able to insert your own fingers (after washing hands) to retrieve lost tampons. Women should know what their cervix feels like, so they will know that it normally feels like a nose, and that when it goes soft, they know that THAT is a sign of pregnancy. I don't care to smell like sex, I prefer to smell like myself. I'm not keen on my own odour after a long hot day either, the scent is too strong and overpowering, so I will run into the shower. Showering has it's perks too, because my husband always knows if I shower that I am in the mood... *nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse*
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A
male
reader, Samhamss +, writes (17 June 2008):
The problem is that he probably doesn't like the idea, i know there are some guys who just don't like it because they think it's gross, just like some girls don't like going down on guys. My guess is that he's afraid that if he tells you he thinks going down on you is disgusting to him, that you won't go down on him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): I don’t know about other couples, but my wife and I both enjoy doing it to each other. I don’t care if she hasn’t showered for the last 24 hours as long as she hasn’t done anything to sweat, like exercise or be out much in hot and humid weather. It doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t know what men and women think today, but when we were dating others about 30 years ago, she remembers that only a couple of her boyfriends would give her oral and then only occasionally. She never asked a guy to do it. She told me that I was not typical for wanting to do it every time we had sex. I did it with my other girlfriends and one let me know that she appreciated it a lot. Perhaps people are different in today’s world or perhaps our past experiences were not normal.
As to the douching that Birdy mentioned. My wife has told me that she has read several times that it is not healthy to douche, as the vagina and the eyes are the 2 places in the body that are self cleaning. I personally haven’t read about it or know what the latest medical literature says on the subject, but it might be good to look into it. My wife hasn’t done it a single time in at least the past 20 years. Here is one article on it that I just found:
http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/azhealthtopics/a/vagdouching.htm
We have never tried the flavored lubes. If she is dry, then I use a bit of KY Silk-E on my finger so that I can get in to rub her G-spot while I gave her oral. Us being older folks, she needs a bit of lube to start. Silk-E is a little sweet to my taste buds.
I don’t know how to get him to do it without asking. I didn’t do it much with my first wife, but I decided to make myself do it after my divorce with any women who I dated. I wanted to be a better lover and make the woman happy. I soon discovered that I enjoyed it almost as much as the woman enjoyed the orgasm(s) that I gave her. It has been fun for me ever since. I sometimes do it without even having intercourse after. Not a lot, but sometimes. I would hope that your husband would simply enjoy the orgasms that he gives you. I consider myself a successful lover if I can give my wife multiple orgasms and that would be enough for me to do it even if I didn’t enjoy it myself. However, I wasn’t so considerate with my first wife. Perhaps it takes time to care enough or perhaps the shock of my first wife leaving gave me a big smack in the head. I changed in other ways too.
As far as it taking you too long – My wife can sometimes have her first orgasm in a minute and sometimes it takes 5 or 10 minutes. The time and the number of orgasms varies. If she has had 2 or 3 glasses of wine then she is more horny and she can have 3, 4 or 5 in a row, about 1 minute apart. The first one is also quick. After 4 or 5, she is exhausted. If she is too quick then I just spend time down there kissing her before we go on to give her a chance to relax.
I also agree with Phil. My wife tells me that I could sleep with my face down there the entire night. The thing that Phil says about immediate washing could be true. We seldom do it right after showering, but I don’t think that I have noticed a difference within the first 12 or so hours.
I just saw the licking with the full tongue comment. I have never done it that way. I do it by flicking the tip of my tongue. Maybe I get less taste that way. My wife gets more excitement with the rapid tongue movement.
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A
male
reader, JTalbott +, writes (17 June 2008):
 The book "She comes first" by Ian Kerner is dedicated to the wonders of a woman's sexual experience.
I learned a technique of licking with a full tongue, as if it were an ice cream cone. It's less tiring for me and gets some amazing ooos and ahhhs from the ice cream.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): From not inconsiderable experience, I can honestly tell you that not all female genitalia tastes or smells the same, irrespective of whether they've had a shower or not.
You have a natural odour and he'll either like it or he won't. Avoid using anti perspirant deodorants - imagine a mouthful of talc and you've just about got it.
Sometimes the natuaral several-hours-old odour is far more pleasing to a man than the after-shower odour. Something I read somewhere awhile back - when Napoleon went away to do battle, he told Josephine she wasn't to wash before he got back. Myth or not, there's some truth in it.
Personally, I could spend half the day down there!
There's also some substance to the theory that a woman's hair colour has a bearing on her flavour, natural blondes being the sweetest and auburn or ginger the most acid with brunettes coming somewhere in between. It would be interesting if Playboy were to do a survey on that particular aspect. Josephine was ginger as I understand it.
I wonder if an ad in the local paper would bring forth any candidates for such a survey?
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (17 June 2008):
Well, showering and douching are a great help, but honestly, he should be doing this to please YOU and it shouldn't be all about HIM. When YOU give him oral sex, you probably don't spend all your time complaining about it. Don't feel guilty for asking, and don't give up because of his complaints. You need to be able to ask for what you want in bed. This can't be one sided. If he's the only one climaxing, he's being selfish and he's certainly not being a good lover. Most men do consider being able to bring there partners to orgasm as being the ultimate in being a good lover - you might want to mention that to him as well.
Most women do give blow jobs WITHOUT COMPLAINT - and having washed mens skivvies for years - it's amazing that we put our mouths anywhere near men's privates after having seen what they walk around in all day... (LOVE YOU, HUNNY!). I mean, honestly! (And yes, I hear the same complaints about other women who do laundry, so he's a normal, average Joe, my hubby!).
If he's really whiney and squeamish about Your natural odor, why not go out and buy some of those flavored lubes? There are lots of websites. One site is called Cheap Lubes - and they have more flavors than I have ever seen before. There are bound to be a few there that might be worth trying.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): YES! well, this man definitely loves giving oral - I couldn't imagine a lovemaking session where I didn't perform it. I love the taste, love the texture, love the mental thing of being in the most intimate of places, love the pleasure I'm giving. I would say that goes for the majority of guys.
However, there are a small minority who definitely do not like doing it. Nothing to do with cleanliness, just the thought of.
Maybe next time, leave him in no doubt as to how much you enjoy receiving oral - if you don't already then gasp, moan, scream a little maybe! Let him know this is something you not only appreciate - but need! Hopefully he'll get the feeling of knowing what a superguy he really is!
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