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age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I hate to be a backstabber and talk about my so called friend,but I need to.We've been friends since the 2nd grade, not the best of friends. We usually have arguments all the time. She makes fun of the way I talk. She says I talk and act like a white girl. I'mAfrican-American. She makes fun of me and says that she is only joking and she won't stop until I learn to take a joke. Last year in 7th grade,this boy was making fun of me and she was over there with him and when he made a joke,she laughed at me. They were making jokes because I was the only black girl at my table. I was so hurt, I wanted to cry. Then in 5th period, she tried to talk to me and said,'He said it. I just laughed'. I didn't want to talk to her, but I did. Then I have this other friend, who I consider my BFF and I put it in my yearbook and she said, 'How come you didn't put Bff by my name, you haven't known her for as long as you've known me'. And then she's always bragging. Saying things like 'I'm going to Orangeburg to see my grandma and she's gonna buy me all these clothes'. Then she always sees what I'm wearing to school in the morning and she says 'you are always tacky'. Then she always goes through my stuff and she reads my diary and I tell her to stop and she says 'I let you read my diary'! And I said 'That was just once and when I come over your house, I don't even touch your stuff'! And she's just so annoying, especially when she's yelling at her sister. She's so mean. Me and her sister don't hang out much, but I like her better than her sister. Sometimes she asks me who's my best friend and I say someone other than her, but not the one I described at first. I'm a quiet person, and so nobody knows me better than my other friends and they know that I am so mad and pissed off at her, even though I don't show it. Sometimes, I just imagine choking her and telling her how she makes me feel and it feels good. I get so mad very easily by her and she always pushes me a little bit closer to the edge. I don't know why I've stayed friends with her so long. I've always thought that maybe we could have a better friendship, but the hope slips away everyday. I don't know what to do. Somebody, anybody, please help me. Any advice will be greatly appreciated and please be honest, harsh or not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Tisha-1,scrazy,and Phoenix-Rose.I really appreciate it.And as soon as I see her,I will break off being friends with her.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 I had a back-stabbing friend in 6th grade too. I didn't know her as long as you've known this girl, but she was at first a really good friend. Then she started a 'Hate Society' against me, and to be honest, I never figured out why. She never told me that I had done something wrong or anything at all like that. I found out then who my true friends were. It was not a pleasant experience, and I feel for you, I really do.
Looking back on it now, I think maybe she was actually suffering from low self-esteem. This is going to sound a bit braggy, but bear with me. I was smarter, prettier and more popular than she was and I think she was actually jealous of me. Since she couldn't 'compete' with me on those things, she decided that I needed cutting down a notch or three. And maybe I did, but that was no way to go about it.
You have some things going for you, you have a good BFF who does care about you and sticks up for you, you are able to control your emotions in public.
I think you should definitely tell your parents about her so that they can give you some moral support too.
Here's my advice to you. Start treating her with great pity. Everytime she says something nasty or meant to put you down, just smile sadly, shake your head at her and say, "Oh, dear, I see that jealousy is getting the best of you today again. I feel so sorry for you. Is there anything we can do to make you feel better about yourself?" Pat her hand, and tell her that you hope she'll get over it soon. It's not really turning the other cheek, it's making her look a bit foolish. If she keeps up with the remarks, and you keep up with the pity party for her, she will eventually dislike being told that she needs to fell better about herself. No one likes to be told they are insecure in front of other people.
This is one tactic that might work, and it will require you to be a good actress. Honestly, if you cannot deal with her anymore, just smile sadly at her, shake your head, and walk away from her. And tell her sister that you feel sorry for her being so insecure. It'll get back to her, I'll bet. She's picking on you because she feels she can get away with it. If you don't let her get away with it, and call her on it but in that sad pitying way, she will eventually move to another target.
Hope this helps, and don't forget that your parents would probably like to be able to help you too.
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A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 See, I never quite understood the whole "talking and acting like a white girl" thing. What is that supposed to mean?
Because you're black, you're supposed to sound like an ignorant slave? Ugh, don't kill me... Don't worry, sweetie, I get that all the time - if any one ever tells you that you talk like a white girl, just say "No, I talk like I'm supposed to talk, so sorry that you can understand me."
A girl like her IS NOT worth your friendship at all. People who purposely go out of their way to hurt your feelings and put you down, are NOT your friends.
Don't even waste time with her anymore, tell her you want her to leave you alone. I'm sorry but your friendship isn't going to get any better unless she stops being (yeah, I'm going to say it) a bitch and actually cares that what she's done has hurt you and actually apologizes for all of her actions.
If not, get rid of her and be with friends who actually treat you how you deserve to be treated.
xo
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A
female
reader, Phoenix-Rose  +, writes (17 June 2008):
there are no harsh words to this story. Get rid of her(is that harsh?:S) anyway this is a form of bullying and you obviously have other people who like you enough not to make fun of you. A real friend would never go out of her way to hurt you and it honestly sounds like this is what she is doing. I was in the exact same situationa as you except she was all i had so it was either be bullied and have a friend or be free from it all but be alone and sadly i picked the wrong one. I feel much stronger now than ever because of the friends i have now so i feel that it would be best if you just let her go as she obviously doesnt care of what she has so let her see what its like with nothing :) hope i helped a bit more
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