A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a boyfriend who I haven't heard from for almost 2 weeks now. We're in different countries right now. I've tried calling him and left voicemails I don't know how many times but he hasn't returned any of my calls. I sent him a letter which was delivered today (based on the tracking info I received) but still haven't heard from him. Our last conversation was not pleasant but we ended on a good note...or at least that's what I think. I don't know what to do or think anymore. Any advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): I'm sorry that happened to you. I appreciate the advice. Moving on can be hard but it's twice as hard if you're not sure if you should start moving on or not. Right now, all I can think about is him and it really hurts but I know it'll get better. It may take some time but it WILL get better.
A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (17 January 2011):
Silence is one of the most heartbreaking and frustrating things I think a man can do to a woman. If like me, you end up making yourself worse through it, when once again you send a further text or try to call to no avail.
As hard as it it, you must try and move on with your life and accept that he obviously has reasons for not getting back in touch. There could be a million reasons, and unfortunately, you may never find out. But please try not to beat yourself up about it, and blame yourself... us woman are very good at that.
Men are strange creatures, and I don't think we will ever work them out. I can't guarantee it, but he may be back in touch when he has had time to think - I have had that done to be on several occasions in past relationships, however, do we really want to be with a male who can't be a nice man and deal with things and be honest when the chips are down. He must know how you are feeling right now, and if you truly love someone you wouldn't want them to be going through such heartache.
Time is the only healer unfortunately, but keep your chin up m'dear and with time the heartache you are experiencing will fade.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (17 January 2011):
 @ OP: regarding my previous answer... when i say 'of course it does' i mean in answer to your statement 'it really hurts' (not in answer to the title of your question) sorry hun! x
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (17 January 2011):
of course it does, i know coz i had similar a few years ago. was a bit of an LDR, it wasn't my longest relationship, but it was probably the most intense one and it was the one that hurt me most when he left and the one that took me the longest to get over. we were seeing each other every weekend, sex, everything, getting on great, perfect, except his ex GF was being a pain. anyhow, everything was fine, he planned to come to my house the next day (he lived an hours drive away) and on the day i just don't hear from him again! so i tried to ring his mobile and house-phone, no answer. so i sent him a text, just to say 'i assume we're finished then?' no answer.
after this, although i was really heart broken i never wanted to give him the satisfaction of knowing it and i figured that if he was enough of a shit to just leave like that, he would be enough of a shit to not give me a genuine reason for his actions.
that didn't stop me OBSESSING over it though, and i just KNEW that his ex was involved. which hurt more, knowing he was happy with someone else (that he had lied about) and i was here, feeling so alone. i just wanted to crawl into my bed and never come out again. every morning when i woke up, his face would be the first thought in my head. i later found out that my suspicions were correct, rather than her that had been chasing him and trying to get back with him (like he had told me), it was the other way around. they had got back together, and then when i heard they had got engaged, that was another knife.
all you can do though is get on with your life. seriously, just keep going. the point of my story is that i know how you feel coz i have been there. i think it hurts more because you have been left wondering, doubting yourself, 'what is wrong with me, why didn't he want me anymore?' no closure. but sometimes i believe you make your own closure, it doesn't have to be granted to you by the other person.
you WILL get over this you know? little by little, every day you will feel better, so subtly that you won't even notice the change until one day you will catch yourself thinking 'hey, i've not thought about him today!'
this man is not as great as you thought he was, or as he pretended to be. a great man doesn't behave this way. he has the balls to let you know he is going and won't be back, even if he did not want to go into too much detail about why, a quick text back or something just to give you that closure is the least you deserve.
take care of your self hun, you are not the first that this has happened to and unfortunately you won't be the last
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): I understand what you're saying. I guess part of me still wants to believe that he'd at least talk to me and not just disappear like that. I have told him before to just be honest if anything ever changes and he doesnt want to continue our relationship anymore. He promised he would. So it really hurts.... :(
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (16 January 2011):
ok, now i'm as confused as you are! that letter was a bit inconclusive wasn't it? the fact is is that you have tried to contact him, and he isn't getting back to you. maybe he is trying to collect his thoughts, or maybe he has decided already. he is being very bad mannered by not even keeping in touch though.
question: if you cared about someone and wanted to build a relationship, would YOU treat em like that? (2 weeks without a word)??? even though you have left voice mails?? and especially after you had a bit of a problem in your last convo???
no? neither would i.
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Before he left he wrote me a letter and said that if our paths keep going in the same direction he'd want to have a future with me involved. On our last convo, i asked him if he still feels the same way after all the changes that has happened with him being home and all and he said he's not sure because he hasn't really thought about it. Said that he doesnt want to plan for the future yet, he's still trying to get settled, which I understand. That's what made me ask if we're still together..because he said "i'm not sure" when i asked him if he still feels the same way he did when he wrote the letter.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (16 January 2011):
what made you ask if you are still together? there must have been some problems leading up to this conversation then? some people find it hard or even impossible to be up-front and honest when asked a question like that, they find it easier to just disappear off the radar and let you come to your own conclusion. it is cowardly i know, but that's how it is :(
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): We are from different countries. He lived here for 2 yrs though. We've known each other for almost a year but have been together for 3 months. On our last conversation I asked him if we're still good, if we're still together (just to make sure, he said yes and that he still wants what we have. That's why I don't understand.
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female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (15 January 2011):
 I think it's disgusting that someone ignores you when there are so many ways of keeping in touch nowadays, it makes me sick that someone can let someone go through the pain and misery of not knowing where they stand with that person and not having the spine to either make a go of it, or end it for good!!! This person doesn't deserve your time and effort. I am in a similar situation myself and yes i'm finding it hard, but i'm trying to keep busy. Each day that goes by when my ex can't be bothered to acknowledge my existence, my hope and faith dies a little more that he will ever come back (as 5 weeks ago he promised me everything, vowing he would break up with his gf and his feelings for me hadn't changed at all) but it was all words and he has yet to follow through on them.
Stay strong hun, you can always private message me if you want to talk more :)
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female
reader, golddigger99  +, writes (15 January 2011):
 What circumstances led you to be in two different countries? My husband is a contractor in the Middle East and goes days w/o signal, but he always finds a way to communicate. 2 weeks is way to long w/o some form of communication. If after 2 weeks of not trying to contact you, I would assume that it's over. You're probably too good for him. Anyone who leaves you waiting 2 weeks w/o communication isn't someone you should be hanging around with. It's simply unexceptable.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (15 January 2011):
hi
how long have you known him? you say your last conversation was not pleasant, but ended on a good note. sounds like he has realised he does not want to be with you now but wants to avoid confrontation and discussing his reasons, and maybe this is why the conversation you had ended amicably, it's just easier that way! if you haven't heard for 2 weeks i think you can assume that he is not interested in you now, no one who is into you would leave it that long.
he knows perfectly well that you will be waiting to hear back from him and he is not even bothering to let you know, either way. that is not acceptable behaviour is it?? i think you are better off without someone who is happy to treat you like that. keep yourself busy and put this behind you
xx
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A
male
reader, Azza +, writes (15 January 2011):
You have done pretty much everything you can do at this point and should no longer try to contact him. If he is still interested then he will contact you, it seems that he isn't if he hasn't responded by now, sorry to be blunt. Should look to move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): I would say that it is a Wrap. But to solidify it for yourself, if you must contact him, contact him and TELL HIM it is a wrap. Because if you do not, you are leaving yourself open for more pain later on, if he contacts you and your heart feels good about it. He has not taken the time to respond to you, so cut your losses, but make it clear to HIM that you have moved on, and do just that! I am going through a situation now like that, but what made me feel really good about it was that while the man sent me a lame text message saying it was time to move on, he never really told me why. So I was a Big Girl, I took it upon myself to send him and his new woman a note, to tell them that I HAVE MOVED ON, and to specify exactly what I meant, NO PHONE CALLS FROM HIM, NO TEXTING FROM HIM, NO SURPRISE DROPS BY THE HOUSE, THE CONTACT STOPS, is what I stated.
I hope this helps. It will hurt at first, but two weeks have gone by for me, and I feel better and more empowered, as each day goes by. I know you will feel more empowered too.
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