A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive been going out with my boyfriend for a while and recently he just confessed something to me that hes never told anybody. When he was younger he had a gay friend (he didnt know he was gay). One night when he stayed the night at his friends house he woke up to his friend giving him oral. He said it felt good so he didnt stop him. Then he told me that he gave his friend oral and anal.(he never got it, only gave it). He said this used to happen quite often im guessing, and even sometimes his friends mother would join in. Then he stopped being friends with that kid. He promised me that he wasnt gay, he was just young and didnt know what he was doing. I asked him the last time it happened and he told me about two years ago with one of my friends boyfriends. He never specified what they did but he said hes never had a penis in his butt. Lately when we have sex he always tries to have anal sex with me and he always tries to get me to put my fingers in his butt. Im afraid. Im afriad hes gay/bi. Im afriad that he thinks of guys when we have sex. Im afraid that if i dont have anal sex with him he might cheat on me with a guy. He swears hes not gay, but i dont know if hes lying or not. What should i do??? Im not against gay people, i just never thought id have a boyfriend turn out to be one. I cant just leave him because i love him so much. please help. what should i do???
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female
reader, Rognme +, writes (20 September 2017):
I knew my boyfriend had had past expieriences with men but he is over sexed and was on alot of drugs...hes been honest with me and is opening up about alot of thing...he has never been obcessed with anal but has a enlarged prostate and the doctor has recommended prostate massage...this feels incredible to a man and he does admit he wanted the best of both worlds..alot of women arent open to some sexual
A
female
reader, ElektraHi  +, writes (4 October 2008):
 Im sorry to tell you this beacuse its sounds like you really care but hard cord truth is that hes gay.Am sorry but any guy that likes for a girl to finger means they like penis.And you should either brake up with him or really really talk to him beacuse if hes with he might be trying to cover up his real feelings or hes bi and if he is bi you could get any type of desease or infection if he has been with other guys.And you should really consider getting tested because your not sure of his past sex life.
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A
male
reader, zayn +, writes (4 October 2008):
 if you really love this guy, then try and discuss, in a rational way, how you feel. if he has had several experiences with men then he most likely enjoyed it. which means he is bisexual to a degree. being bisexual--like me and some of my male friends--does not mean you are attracted to each sex 50/50.
sounds like your bf might prefer women but enjoy sex with men. and it sounds like he does not fall in love with men. that, to me, is the main thing that makes a person gay or straight. who they fall in love with. from a romantic standpoint your bf is straight. be open and honest with this issues.
peace...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): please Run as fast as you can. my boyfriend of 13 years just said he was attracted to a guy so we split he maybe gay he has never had sex with a man but i guess wants to. he always pushed me for anal sex too. i believe your boyfriend is gay or bisexual
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A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (21 June 2008):
 At the worst he's probably bi - just because he fooled around and experimented doesn't automatically make him gay.
He hasn't done anything to make you think that he'd cheat on you, other then some things that are in his PAST.
It's best for you to either forget about it or accept it, for the sake of your relationship,
Also, if you're uncomfortable with the idea of anal sex then you need to tell your boyfriend. (Again, wanting anal doesn't make him gay, it makes him CURIOUS and wanting to try something new.)
Take care
xo
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): I'd be worried too but personally I don't believe men can be bisexual, most bisexual men end up gay and most bisexual women end up with men. If I was you I would end it, but I'm not you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): I don't really believe it is as simple as his past is his past and you should just forget about it for the sake of your relationship. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, unless a person is on a strict path of recovery from something they no longer are proud to be a part of like drugs and alchohol and sex addiction....they are likely to repeat the behavior when the opportunity presents itself.
One of the hallmarks of a gay lifestyle is not to feel any remorse over it...he never once told you he regretted what happened, in fact I think he told you to see what you thought about it and to see if you had any bi tendencies or were bi curious.....so that he could have his fun with you.
I think you might want to consider that this guy is putting your health at risk being with other men, aids is very prevelent among gay men and is easily passed on to a woman because of the ease in tearing her vaginal wall during sex and the exchange of bodily fluids.....that would be enough for me to get out of there before I got in too deep and got hurt both emotionally and healthwise.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 June 2008):
 I think there's room to speculate that your boyfriend may indeed be gay or bisexual. Pay attention to my words: I say "speculate".
The thing is, he told you he's had homosexual sex more than once. He also mentioned "his friend's mother" joined them, which would mean he was in a peculiar threesome. I wonder if the mother was with the son, and both boys were pleasing her, or if both the mother and the son pleased your boyfriend. In any case, I don't think that was right.
I don't believe he didn't know he was involved in homosexual sex. By his own admission, he was fifteen "the last time it happened". Yeah, right: fifteen year olds can't tell whether they are in gay relationships.
Your boyfriend seems to have some obsession with the anus. He's been keen in saying he wasn't penetrated; yet he wants you to put your fingers into his anus. It's hard to miss that.
The problem here is that, if your boyfriend is gay, then, by definition, he doesnt' want to be with women. That is, he wouldn't be in a real relationship with you. And, if he's bisexual, maybe you would have to share him with another man. There is room for concern. However, we can't know if he's bisexual or gay or what.
I think you need to sit down and think if this relationship is what you want.
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A
female
reader, taina1980 +, writes (21 June 2008):
ummm well if he did it just two years ago then idk... the fact that he wants you to finger his booty doesn't make him gay... it feels incredible for men who are comfortable with their bodies to have their prostate massaged... the fact he wants the anal doesn't mean he's gay the anus is tight & being that he's had the experience already he likes it...i think your boyfriend is not gay just possibly way too horny... maybe because of the age he maybe confused as far as sexuality...hes told you way too much about his past already most men would never confess something like that...so suspect that if he had any type of homosexual feeliings hed have no problem sharing them too with you...just take it easy don't think too much...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): oh thank you so much!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): Your boyfriend has told you his not gay. He's had gay experiences in his past, but he is now with you and in a hetrosexual relationship. You have said nothing for me to believe he will cheat on you with a man or a woman. You have nothing to worry about, this man is faithfull to you. His past is his past and something you should forget about for your own sanity and the sake of your relationship.
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