A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok question to those cheated on. When will this get easier. Done the shouting, the soul searching, the anger, the bitterness, the forgiveness etc. Still love him despite everything and he is the one who is trying really hard after a silly one off mistake but just when I think we are ok a good many months down the line then it rears its ugly head when we are having sex. Will this get easier will I stop thinking about him giving her one half way through him giving me one, I so want to move on and forget this but why does it still hurt 6 months later when I thought I had forgiven him. Part of me wants to end it but the rest of me wants to stay as he is so sorry and does mean it and whilst we both know it can't happen again or there will not be any more forgiveness at the end of the day I love him too much and can't imagine life without him. Will I stop picturing them together in time or has he signed our loves death warrant? Why are the images so vivid when he does me when I havent even met the stupid woman? Why is it worse when I have had a drink but easier sober. Is he thinking about her? When, please tell me, when will the pain stop?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): Maybe this can help you to not think about it so much; help you to put the thought behind;
You asked: "will I stop picturing them together"
Do you ever think about or picture your husband with other lovers prior to him meeting you, lover from his past?
Surely not!
Then treat this the same: it is past tense; don't think about it; when your mind wants to go that direction, re-direct; say no, it is past tense; it will stop;
Be strong, you can controll your thoughts it is a process, it does take time, but the mind is powerfull; fill negative images and thoughts with positives and refuse to allow the negative images.
Best wishes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks ariel some good advice there.
I dont mean I deliberately watch him its just the nature of the job to know where he is but I dont worry about it, if he still worked away from home I would though. Nobody knows about this though as I cannot bring myself to tell anyone he has hurt me this way, I dont even think they would believe it of him. The only negative things I have had are from some on this site when I have posted before because they answer like he is not a decent man and must have always been like this when they dont actually know anything about him. I know it will get easier I have to be patient and he is worth it
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI honestly dont believe in the once a cheater thing, I have cheated in my first marriage but never before that and never since then and I have been in 2 other relationships in between and not cheated. Although I have had a chance recently to get revenge if I so wanted it I have not and will not ever act on it. I know the reason he cheated and that part has been dealt with so I do trust him not to do it again. I have to or I would go mad.
I have forgiven him and I dont even think about it on a daily basis anymore its just the thought of him with another, being so intimate as he is with me. He has told me the sex was not very good and it was only the once and his story has been confirmed by her as I phoned her before they had chance to get their story straight as I needed the truth. I know he cant be seeing her as she is not in this area and he is never gone long enough to be physically able to visit her. I have contact all day with him as we run our own business and it is only ever local and he is never alone, always with another colleague so I know where he is all day too.
The God question. Yes I am a catholic and although my faith is not as strong as it should be I do believe in forgiveness and marriages lasting and dont want another failed marriage behind me. I love him so much and despite what people think he does love me and this has hurt him so much too as he knows he has destroyed something in us, he says sorry every day which I have now told him to stop doing as I am fine. We are trying to rebuild our lifes but as I said it just hurts now and then but I dont want our sex life to involve me thinking about her. I wish I could look into the future and see that in a few years time my heart has healed from this. Thanks for your replies
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): Forgiveness is about you, not him You are the one hurting because of the lack of forgiveness. If he is truly humble and asked for your forgiveness, then bless him with it. If he continues with his wilily nilly way, then turn your back and wash your hands of him. True love means truly loving and trusting them.
In His Love,
The GabberJackRanch
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A
female
reader, Shan x3  +, writes (21 June 2008):
 if it's already been months after this has happened, i don't think it's gonna go away anytime soon. i've been cheated on too, several times. it's really hard for a long time, i haven't gotten over it yet either and its been almost a year. just be careful, because usually the saying applies: once a cheater always a cheater. i'm a lot younger than you, but i've definitely been through this a lot. i don't know if this helps at all but you can never be too careful, he may say he's no longer cheating but he definitely could be lying. hope i helped! :)
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A
male
reader, evas +, writes (21 June 2008):
You may not like what I have to say or ask, but where is your heart at on beliefs? We are as strong as what we believe in. Do you believe in God? Because the trust or faith we put on some is only meant for for God because that faith will always crush any thing or person. What I'm saying is he's not superman and you both need something more to bond you together. Yeah and you'll still have to work at it just like someone hurting you and still being there friend. Thoughts, ideas, and suggestions always play havoc with our minds but you take it captive! If you love him then you love him no matter what those fears try to tale you. It would be in your best interest to get some counciling from another woman or women because Yes! you need time to heal and what you just got out from was a car wreck!
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