A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:a female student has started working at a company. I work for and has been with us for a month and a half. she’s funny, a bit of a barbie and not the brightest bulb in the lamp. despite this, she’s well liked by the staff. since she has started working for us, I’ve been interested in getting to know her. the opportunity hasn’t presented itself to me as she has either been to busy to talk or Is engaging in a conversation with someone else. when I go into work. she will say morning, ask how I am, sometimes even make me a cup of tea, as well as others and then she will say see you when I leave. I’m lucky to even get two words out of her, the problem is this. when she is in the same area as I am, she will walk away and doesn’t say anything to me. and runs as far away as she can, as though I’ve got a disease. I’m excluded from conversations she has and she doesn’t include me in anything. doesn’t ask what my plans are for the weekend when my friends do. I know a female co worker doesn’t like me, so, I’m wondering if she’s been telling lies about me which aren’t true. I would like to add her on facebook as a friend, I don’t know how to go about it and I don’t have a picture of me on my profile. what should I do? apologies if it’s long. would like some advice as to what to do please and how to handle it. thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 September 2019):
 Why would she need / want " to know the real you " ? As a 21 y.o. intern or apprentice just starting feeling her way around in the corporate world ? There's a noticeable age difference, a level of competences difference, a life experience difference, very probably a tastes, interests and goals difference …. I don't think she is interested in getting to know you better , period. Neither the real version, nor the fake or
" official " one. Of course there may be exceptions to this
" rule " , but a girl who were actually interested in getting to know you on a more personal level, would talk and act all differently from what she does now.
If you object , not surprisingly, to being possibly thought of as a loser with nothing better to do than chasing women, I think a first, mandatory step you should take would be to AVOID chasing women in the workplace, particularly women who haven't shown or hinted even remotely any particular attraction to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2019): If someone at work seemed to be avoiding me, I'd assume they aren't interested in me as a friend or anything else. I know it's a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes a person we like just doesn't like us back. She may not dislike you, she just doesn't seem interested in you based on the information you provided. Saying good morning and see you later are workplace politeness, so don't get your hopes up from that. (I know it's easier said than done).
If she does have a problem with you or dislikes you, it may not have anything to do with the other woman who dislikes you. Please don't take this the wrong way, because I'm not trying to be rude. Do you think it's possible she senses you don't have a very high opinion of her? I ask, because you hold the opinion that she isn't that bright. In my case, I tend to avoid people if I sense they look down on me and think they're superior in some way. I avoid my own sister for that very reason, so I had to ask. I do think most people can sense it if someone looks down on them, and it's a turn off. Perhaps you're underestimating her intelligence.
On the other hand, if the other woman is lying about you and she dislikes you because she believed the lies, she probably isn't worth your time anyway. I think people shouldn't base their opinion of someone else solely based on what they hear...I think everyone deserves a fair chance. I think people who listen too much to gossip are shallow, to be honest.
There are plenty of other "barbies" around if that's your type in a physical way. You like what you like, but this one doesn't seem interested. I advise you to keep being polite, but don't send her a friend request or try to pursue conversation with her at work.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (9 September 2019):
 I wonder why the female co-worker doesn't like you. I bet I can have a good guess.
You came on this forum asking for advice. That is all you got - advice. You can take it on board or you can completely ignore it. It makes not a jot of difference to anyone who has replied to you. We will carry on with our lives as before.
Why do you not just go ahead and send your colleague a friend request on Facebook? I am sure you DO know how, despite what you say. It doesn't matter what a bunch of strangers on a forum think. You are free to run your life as you wish.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2019): You came here for advice and you got it.The aunts here don't just tell people what they want to hear, they give straight up honest and sometimes blunt advise! Whatever gets the message across.You don't like being provided with the truth - that is evident. You also lack vital communication skills - that is evident. You fail to understand the fundamental basics of what the aunts are saying.They are not implying you are a stalker etc based on information provided in your post - as you correctly point out, you have given no specific information. The answers are based on your actions towards this girl so far, what you say about her in your post and your interpretations of the way she acts toward you.If we advised you to go after this girl then it would be highly inappropriate and you could probably be on the receiving end of a sexual harassment accusation. I say this givenA/ her age as opposed to yoursB/ she has made it clear she does not want anything to do with youC/ she is a work colleague and could easily report your advances following rejectionD/ finally - your opening comments about her being a barbie.If you still don't get it then you have some serious issues to address before you find yourself in trouble.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 September 2019):
 Sorry you didn't get the answer you wanted.
No one is out to get you. What you got was advice BASED on what you wrote.
There are NO indications that she WANTS more than being polite. Sometimes you just don't get what YOU want.
That's life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2019): the way I have been treated on this forum in asking for advice, is not acceptable. I’m appalled by not only the behaviour but also the way I have been treated by the aunts on here who offer their advice. I don’t appreciate being accused of being a malicious stalker or someone who is a loser with nothing better to do except chase after women.
she hasn’t got wind of anything, because on this forum I haven’t said what her name is, because you’re not meant to reveal people real names, as it’s the rules on here or of when you post.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2019): Your opening sentence says it all for me! You imply that she's stupid but say you want to get to know her more - I don't need to ask why! The answer is obvious - you're thinking with your male anatomy! It's staring you in the face that she doesn't see anything in you bit you don't seem to be able to comprehend that. Maybe she got wind of your crappy comment about her being a bit of a barbie and basically calling her stupid. Maybe she comes across men like you on a daily basis and she's sick to death of being treated like a ditzy female rather than being taken seriously.Or - maybe she's not so stupid and some lucky guy has already taken her off the market so to speak!Either way, back off and accept that she doesn't want to know before You make life really uncomfortable for her.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (7 September 2019):
 Op, do the girl a favor and stay strictly on a co-worker relationship ONLY. Right from the start you spoke disrespectfully about her " a bit of a barbie and not the brightest bulb in the lamp". I mean really??? If I knew a man thought that about me, I sure wouldn't date him. Obviously she doesn't know that you think that but wow...kind of rude and condescending.
With that out of the way, I don't think you read signals/lack of signals very well. She is being work friendly polite. She is keeping her distance because she doesn't want to talk to you alone or get to know you better. Leave it at that and don't look her up or try to contact her on facebook. It would be very awkward. Shes just not interested.
Work romances rarely turn out well anyways. Keep it professional at work and save yourself alot of trouble/heartache.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 September 2019):
ERRR
EDIT:
DON'T be creepy....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 September 2019):
Look OP,
ID she wanted to get to know you better, SHE would try an initiate conversations with you, she hasn't, so TAKE that as a CLUE as to her NOT being interested.
Saying hello in the morning, fixing a cup of tea and saying see you later... IS POLITE conversation. IT IS expected of her. Other than that SHE DOES not SEEK you out to TALK to you, which most people would PRESUME means... SHE isn't interested in being your friend.
Do be creepy.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 September 2019):
 She’s not interested in getting to know you as a friend. It would be wise of you to back off and stick to doing your job.
If you want friends at work, look around and find people your age with similar interests.
That you have to ask this question suggests that you may find reading social signals difficult. Has that been something that you’ve experienced before?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2019): You said that she speaks to you upon your entrance at work, and even includes you when serving tea. She also speaks when you leave your workplace. You said that she is a student: so is she just an intern at your workplace? Or is she a student who works part time hours for compensation? What about the female who dislikes you? Did you try to pursue her in the workplace? If I were you, I would abandon any ideas about trying to establish a personal friendship with the new girl, beyond just her coworker. If she perceives you the same way that I do, just based on your posted question, you may be coming across as a creepy stalker dude. Also if you tried to get with the lady, who dislikes you, then the word is out, and the new girl is wisely steering clear, when she can! Another thing: you have no idea if she has a bf or a husband! If you see her in a club, or in a bar, you could approach her to talk with her, but you had better just be polite and professional while at work!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2019): I don't see why you need to add her on Facebook. Be polite and professional with her at work. You don't need to be friends with her and she hasn't shown any signs that she wants to be friends with you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 September 2019):
These are YOUR words:
"I’m lucky to even get two words out of her, the problem is this. when she is in the same area as I am, she will walk away and doesn’t say anything to me. and runs as far away as she can, as though I’ve got a disease."
Also these:
"I’m excluded from conversations she has and she doesn’t include me in anything. doesn’t ask what my plans are for the weekend when my friends do."
Which part of that gives you ANY hope she actually WANTS to get to know you better?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2019): because there isn’t much time to talk at work, and by getting to know each other on facebook, she would know the real me,
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 September 2019):
You're in your 30s (if your profile is correct). Why do you need to add some pretty young thing (whose intelligence you are quite disparaging about) to your social media friendship list?
She has made it quite clear that she is not interested. Despite your belief that you are superior in some way, she seems to be handling the whole situation a lot better than you, despite being younger and, hence, more inexperienced.
You are at work to work. That is what you get paid for. In my experience, it is always best to keep work and social life separate. What on earth are you hoping to gain by adding her to your friend list? And why do you need to get to know her better? To what end?
Take a leaf out of her book. Be polite, be professional. Concentrate on your work. If you are short of friends, look outside work to make new ones.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2019): I forgot to mention, she is twenty one.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2019): it’s just the impression I’m getting from her that’s all. I don’t know what to think, that’s why I asked for advice.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 September 2019):
I think you should keep being polite and professional at work, NO MORE.
She is obviously much younger than you, and not interested.
You don't NEED to try and be her friend or Facebook friend.
If you want to make new friends, look for them outside of work.
YOU might want to get to know HER, but from what you write SHE isn't interested in getting to know you. Now whether it's because she has heard negative stuff or she just don't get "good vibes" from you, is impossible to tell, but I do think you need to back off.
If a person isn't interested (whether it is talking to you or getting to know you) you NEED to respect that and leave them be. PLENTY of other people OUTSIDE of work for you to befriend.
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