A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What are peoples reactions to thinking of number one.I have spent my whole life making others happy over myself, being walked all over, let down, used and a human punchbag (verbally) for peoples problems.Does it make me a bad person to do something for myself for once even if it upsets others. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (14 September 2007):
A good balance is doing 60% for "them" and 40% for yourself. For complainors point to the things you do for them. The pursuit of happiness is your right.
A
female
reader, xxmissxx +, writes (13 September 2007):
 I used to mate around with people who i thought were friends. They were terrible friends, infact, pathetic excuses for human beings!
I would let them walk all over me, put me down, give them anything they wanted, do any favours at all.
Do you know what i got in return?
Alot of grief. I think its human instinct for certain people to take advantage over someone that helps out all the time, because they know youll drop everything to be a good friend and not before long, theyre not asking favours, theyre just expecting it.
People get greedy and its unjustifying behavour.
So to conclude, yes, you should look after number one and stop bending over backwards for ignorant people.
Im not saying never do a favour again, just make sure you limit the people who are actually worthy and more likely to return the favour. its all about having a good sense of charachter and trust.
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (13 September 2007):
 Hi there Anonymous,
You wrote, "Basically we talked about holidays but nothing was finalised..." So you didn't have any plans. Making plans when your schedule is free shouldn't have made your friend upset, and you shouldn't be feeling bad about it, either.
My opinion is that your friend just should have suggested going away another weekend if you were already busy. Plus, it sounds like a double standard - she stands you up pretty often from what I gather, but when you make plans with someone else, when nothing's even been finalized with her, she has a fit. Lame.
Go have fun on the holiday that you planned. And if you still feel like it, suggest another timeframe for you and the friend you're having a problem with to go on holiday. And then make sure you both know that it's a set plan.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (13 September 2007):
 its good to have "me time" every now and then. It gives us energy to contiue life.
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A
female
reader, samohir  +, writes (13 September 2007):
 It doesnt matter what means doing something for urself, YOU should Do it! I everydoby do his/her thing, firstly for oneself than fot others I can imagine better world than we have. I v really been where re you, actualy im now in that position too. Ive been, than stoped and must tell you, girl, I felt much Much better when had my time for myself. If anybody loves u really, than he/she will understand that u need time for urself and would appriciate that. There are many clingy, needey people,if you start listening to EVERYBODYs problems, and not have time for you, after a period of time you ll head where they re, Hating urself about that and accordingly will act towards others.You re not just a HELP Center!
so my honest advice will be to take Ur time for urself, than for others! You ll see what will happen, a teribble thing No one to Blame:)
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, war37 +, writes (13 September 2007):
Hi If this person lets you down all the time then they have all the you time they deserve,you go for it and forget your unreliable friend x
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A
female
reader, BlueEyedAngel +, writes (13 September 2007):
 it is time to make youself happy for a change. i say do whatever makes you happy and makes you feel good.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Its me again
To answer your question no it hasnt had disasterous results but my friend now wont talk to me. Basically we talked about holidays but nothing was finalised (as this person lets me down all the time) I have taken up somebody elses offer of a definite hol and now its caused this fall out.
Hope this a little clearer
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): I can confirm im the writer of this question. What I meant to say also is I have thought of myself for once and now my friend has gone crazy at me made me very hurt and upset hence im questioning if im a bad person x
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 September 2007):
 Of course it doesn't make you a bad person to insist on some "me time". Everybody should take time out for themselves. Go for it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): It depends upon what you are wanting to do? If it will have desasterous effects upon others then no dont do it but otherwise go for it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): I know how you feel.
You have to do what makes you feel happy, but sometimes its easier said then done.
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A
female
reader, war37 +, writes (13 September 2007):
Hi I too was like you always keep everyone else happy and me last?WHY?It makes us unhappy and inturn makes loved ones unhappy doesnt it?
You havent said what you want to do to make your self your 1st pirority?It depends whats involved?
x
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