A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have been with my guy 4 years I was with my ex 17 years Im now in my 30s with 3 children.My guy always likes the women to instagate sex ,make the first move and dress up stocking etc which I didnt mind at first but I get fed up with the having to do it all all the time!I would now like an open relationship...I have said this too him. Our sex life isnt exciting I have done all I can to spice it up but its the same old hes pleasures me then me him then he turns over goes to sleep blah blah blah.........His ex cheated on him, he thinks its as he wouldnt marry her, I feel if she wanted marriage she wouldnt of had sex with another man, his other ex I know about asked to do swinging which they did.......I would like to try sexual contact with a women or a 3 some but will I regret this?Any experianced people please let me know how you got on?Thanks.
View related questions:
my ex, sex life, sex with another, swinging Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (14 September 2007):
Most guys are used to the idea that they must iniate sex. It is special to them to have the woman make the first move. Then it seems like she wanter it rather than just accommodating him. I suggest you go after him so much that he has to ask you to back off.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): How are things in the in the 'nonsexual' areas of your relationship? Have you stopped being attracted to him for his other strengths and good points? Is there not anything else about this man, you admire and hold in highest regard. His commitment to you, his love? Your guy has told you his feelings about an 'open relationship' and he's against it. I feel badly for him because you would have saved yourself and him all this disappointment and embarrassment, if you could have just fully realized your relationship was in trouble, long before you even brought up this subject. Boredom and complacency has settled into your relationship. All I know, if you were a happily attached woman and clearly was devoted and loved your bf, this 'openess' would not even be an issue. I can only imagine how this hurt him to hear you suggest such a thing. Look inside yourself and assess your relationship. There are deeper issues going on here and I think it has to do with respect and honor for 'who' he is...you simply don't feel this way for him. The point I am trying to make? If you and this man of yours have stopped clicking emotionally, intellectually and spiritually, you will stop clicking, sexually. I think you and he need to talk and make an adult, mature decision as to whether the two of you share the same relationship values. By reading your posting you and he are not compatible, from what I can see.
...............................
A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (13 September 2007):
 I agree with male reader, If you are not happy with your sexual realtionship there could be an underlying problem. Sex is a physical expression of love, I do not see whats the big deal about who initiates sex. Maybe his fear of rejection is a self-esteem problem that he is dealing with. it could be a number of things, but you will never know until you ask. Let him know that you have needs that need to be met also. There is a solution to every problem you and your guy just need to sit and work out a solution that satisfies you both.
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (13 September 2007):
 Hi
If he doesnt instigate sex because of fear of rejection, im guessing hes low in confidence, in which case an open relationship will just have him rock bottom in no time!
You dont sound compatible to me but what do i know at the end of the day. Just going by what you say here and reading between some lines, which i suppose is all we can do.
Like eyeswideopen said, it will only work if you both agree and maybe he's like a lot of us, he just wants one person cheers very much! hehe
You are going through the grass might be greener stage (i did when i came out a r.ship with the kids dad) and it doesnt matter how many people tell you it isnt, you DO need to live it for yourself.
Myabe at the moment sex is more important than you put across.
Maybe its time to live a little. Without the guy you are with.
Hope you sort it out.
C xxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 September 2007):
 Whoa, if he doesn't want an open relationship then you have no choice but to end this relationship. Open relationships only work if BOTH parties are willing. If he doesn't agree to this you have to split or someone is going to get badly hurt.
...............................
A
female
reader, samohir  +, writes (13 September 2007):
 I agre totaly with the male reader. Sex is crucial sigh of ones relationship developement. I m open in sex, and even i do have some problems finding partner that will shari the same with me, i think im quite succesfull.Just tell him what ur sexual apetities are, that you want to experiment andn you want to do that with him! I know its quite difficult to find a partner that will like the same things and/or appriciate urs sexual needs, most of males regard that as extravangant and sluty but there are many who would not mind too. And if nothing else can check out some sites also! I ve did it before, and was/still i am in relationship that is fully sexualy satisfuing for both !
So GOOD LUCk
Sex is not the most immportant but it is crucial for healthy relationship! Yep, have this on ur mind!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Thanks for your reply,NO he doesnt want to have an open relationship but he doesnt like to make the ist sexual move,he says just incase he gets rejected?
Yes I agree with you if the sex isnt great what is the relationship BUT some people live in a very happy relationship with no sex?So love isnt always about sex?
Thanks
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2007): Maybe I'm old fashioned, but the core of sex doesn't lie in the mechanical stuff... sex is pumped by passion, love and desire, not by stockings and such...To answer your question, you'll never know if you don't try, and by your saying, he's OK with it, so go and try another female or threesome. If you get burned, it'll heal... everything heals...To give you something more to think, some subjective thoughts:If I would ever be in a relationship where I have to search for good sex outside of it, that relationship would end the next second... good sex is sign of a healthy relationship... bad sex - ill relationship... no sex or having sex with outsiders - dying relationship...Carpe diem.
...............................
|
