A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:when someone has cheated, should you give them a second chance? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (18 February 2012):
 I don't think i could ever ever forgive someone who cheated on me. I would just cut them out my life completely.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2012): No you shouldn't give a cheating partner a second chance because that would be sending a clear message that it's OK for them to cheat on you. Threatening "if you do it again I will leave you for sure" is laughable - what makes the next time more special than this time? The cheater will reason that if it didn't matter enough to you this time then it's OK to cheat on you again. Remember - cheating served a purpose for them. If they weren't getting something out of it they wouldn't have done it. So they will want to do it again because they were getting something out of it, and now by staying with them you're saying it's OK with you too. Actions speak louder than words. Not just the cheater's, but yours too.
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male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (18 February 2012):
 It may sound really unforgiving and it probably is, but why give some one the chance to hurt you twice? From my own experience and personal observation, cheating does not happen only once. If it does, your constantly expecting it to and the relationship is ruined. Cheating is the ultimate disrespect. Of course, circumstances are all different and no one knows yours.
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (18 February 2012):
Cheating kills trust. If there is no trust, the relationship/marriage becomes unpleasant. It`s never the same afterwards. I am a believer that some people cheat and some people don`t. If someone cheats then I could never trust them not to do it again if they are at an opportunity where they believe they wont get caught. Some even get a secret excitement at the risk of getting caught. Myself, I would not give someone a second chance.
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female
reader, eternallyinfinite  +, writes (18 February 2012):
No, I would never give them a second chance, no matter what. Cheating is a choice. If the relationship isn't working out - i.e., you feel unwanted, your needs aren't satisfied, etc, then just end the relationship. Cheating is just cowardly, in my opinion. I just can't see any circumstance where it would be justified.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2012): I think you can forgive them but that doesn't mean you have to take them back or stay in a relationship with them. Those are 2 different things. If you forgive then you're saying you don't hate them, you don't want to take revenge or anything, you'll move on and not harp on it. But moving on is best done from OUTSIDE the relationship, not by continuing it!! once trust is broken, it's very difficult if not impossible to regain. living with mistrust will destroy you. choosing to trust again means you'll likely end up getting cheated on again. So either way you lose if you continue the relationship with a cheating partner.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 February 2012):
 I think it depends on several things (at least for me).
1. YOUR morals and values and YOUR boundaries. If cheating goes totally against your moral grain, then no.
2. How long you have dated. If it's short time, then no. If it's longer it "might" be possible to work through it, but it comes down to how YOU feel about it.
As I see it it depends the most on WHO you are and what you are willing to accept.
Personally, I have always said no cheating 100% - I will not have it. However we went thought a period after 9 years of marriage that was really rough and hubby did "stray" at least emotionally. It might have been easier for me to walk, but I did think that I and the marriage deserved another chance - after a LOT of work, we are good. Actually better then before. But it taught me something, things aren't always black & white. And, I will forgive that once, but never again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2012): This question has plagued me a great deal. There is only one right answer. Whatever works for you. No one can tell you what to do, you'll do what you want and learn from it later. I forgave my cheating boyfriend... I can't yet tell you exactly how that worked out as I'm still going through the motions. I will say that if this were to ever happen to me again I think I would walk away. I love my bf a great deal but I happen to be the jealous type anyway and this has been a struggle. To each their own. I have heard many people say yes they can forgive once and I've heard never. I always stood on the never side until it happened to me. The fact that you're seeking advice says tha you're fence sitting which, to me, says you probably will forgive, or try to. Good luck, don't let someone drag you down though.
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female
reader, followmeheadorheart +, writes (18 February 2012):
I have very recently (like today lol) decided to give my ex another chance. He cheated on me severeal times over a yr ago while battling a drug addiction. Since then he has gone ot rehab and tried to turn his life around, I truely believe him when he says he sorry for everything he did and have choosen to forgive him even though many family and friends think I am crazy. I guess I will have ot wait and see how it turns out.
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female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (18 February 2012):
 I don't think any cheater deserves a second chance. No matter what the circumstances, cheating is wrong. If that person isn't happy in the relationship, then they need to get out or at least warn their partner that their interest has waned and give them a chance to step it up. If the person has given their bf/gf a chance to keep them interested and they haven't, then they need to leave. If that person wanted an open relationship, then it should've been discussed before they started dating. If they couldn't have a monogamous relationship, then they shouldn't be attempting any committed relationship.
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female
reader, Holli' +, writes (18 February 2012):
 Hello :)
You are young, and I think when someone has cheated, no matter how much you love them, they do not deserve a second chance.
You did not cheat, therefore you cared about this person and they let you down, to prevent yourself from being let down again, you deserve someone you cares, like yourself.
There are plenty more birds in the trees, some are bluebirds, others are crows, do not waste your time with a crow if you are a bluebird. A weird thing to say I know but my great auntie told it to me and it's how I prevent myself from getting hurt. :) Hope this helps you :) xx
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (18 February 2012):
 As all the other aunts have stated, there is no cut and dried answer to this. It depends on the people involved, and the situation. For me personally, if a guy cheated on me and was truly sorry I would forgive him. In fact, I have done that in the past. But...then the guy cheated again. And the expression "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" came into play. I trusted him and he made a fool out of me. Many people believe that "once a cheater always a cheater" rule of thumb. More than anything, it has to be what can the person live with. Can they really truly forgive and trust the cheating person again? Its not something that someone else can answer for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2012): It's entirely up to you, if you really want to give him another chance, you will. The main thing to look at is if you can forgive him or not.
My ex boyfriend cheated and I gave him another chance, he didn't do a thing wrong after, but still, I could never forgive him for his one time mistake, so I had to leave him.
It depends on the situation involved to whether he deserves another chance or not.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 February 2012):
 depends on many things.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 February 2012):
 Depends. In some cases, yes. In some cases, no.
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female
reader, followmeheadorheart +, writes (17 February 2012):
I am giving my ex another chance as we speak. He cheated while dealing with a drug addiction and now that everything is over with I truely believe him when he says he is sorry and I think that if I dont give him another chance that I may regret it. My friends and a few family members tell me that I am making a mistake and that I will end up hurt in the end but deep down I trust him.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 February 2012):
 It depends on the circumstances. There needs to be more information.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 February 2012):
 There's no should or shouldn't. You be the judge of it. It's a question with many variables. Are you a person who could forgive cheating and let it go? Was it a one time thing? Can trust be built again? Was it an ongoing affair? Is the person someone who is great to be in a relationship with anyways, or is the cheating just one of many problems? There are too many questions and variables, and no straight answer.
The real question though isn't what anyone should or shouldn't do. The question is what do YOU want to do? That's all that matters.
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