A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have a boyfriend who is not working, i do everything for him. i have just given him my credit card because he had no food in his flat but he spent R2000. now i have opened a business and bought a car now he wants to be a partner with me. i dont know whether he still loves me or he is around for all the favours i do for him. please help i love him but not at my expense. how do i tell him i dont want to have anything to do with him regarding money, that we just should stick to a social relationship?
View related questions:
money, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (12 April 2007):
 I have to totally agree with the comments that Kenny has given you already.
A man who is not working but is happy to sit around and let his girlfriend buy him food and then take advantage of her credit card is not a true boyfriend but a user.
Sorry to be blunt but I would also think about changing your credit card as well as he may well have kept the details somewhere i.e. number and security number on the back and you may find that you get added amounts to your balance when you don't expect them.
As for going into business with him I know he thinks he is on to some sort of sugar mummy here.
Tell him straight that you are fed up with being his walking hole in the wall so that he can just get money when he wants, what is his excuse for not having a job?
Wherever you live you can at least get some sort of help with money even if you are looking for work so there is no excuse for him not having food in his flat, he must find some way of paying for his rent so I would seriously tell him buck up his ideas or you are out of the whole relationship as well.
You don't deserve to be treated this way.
You are better than this and as a business woman myself, you need to be focused in order that you can make a new business succeed.
The first year of any new business needs a lot of energy and money invested in it and also committment. I think he would drain you on all three areas and would mean the failure of your business.
The one rule of business is ruthlessness as there is no room for sentimentality or being soft if you want to succeed.
We all learn the hard way but you need to be out there networking if possible and get as much help and free information that you can get. Make sure you have a strong business plan and if you have some sort of free business helpline talk to them.
Don't carry dead weight with you as I think this boyfriend of yours is just sitting pretty right now and thinking you will not be nasty or forceful with him as he knows that he can get a lot out of you i.e. your help and money and as far as he can see it nothing will ever change if he can charm you as normal.
You are young, vibrant and a woman looking for a bright new future so go get it girl and best of luck.
He will either shape up or ship out as the saying goes!!!
Good luck and always here if you need any of us OK.
BFN
Country Woman
A
female
reader, maria14r  +, writes (12 April 2007):
let him know. tell him that if he want to stay in a relationship with you then he's going to start working for himself. gett'n money for him. everything in a relationship should be 50/50 no matter what. thats wat i believe. you shouldnt be giving him your credit cards at all. he needs to make his own money.
...............................
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (12 April 2007):
 Tell him to get a job.
You seem to be doing well for yourself and he cant keep sponging off of you forever.
Maybe give him a limited amount to get by but only on the premise he uses some of it to find himself some work.
He is taking your position for granted and may continue if you dont draw a thick line under your finances.
It is YOUR money, you have earnt it, you have also r=earnt the right to say what it gets spent on. Tell him this, in no uncertain terms. If he really loves you he will pull his socks up and get a job and support himself.
Dont take any crap, you have worked hard to get where you are and should'nt be taken for granted.
Take it easy..Goodluck..
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (12 April 2007):
 I think he his taking you slightly for granted. He is not working and you are giving him handouts. What were you thinking giving him your credit card, he must have thought his ship had well and truly come in.
As for him being a partner in your business i would be inclined to forget about that idea, unless he can equal the amount of money you are putting in.
You have got to be brutally honest here, tell him you can't keep bailing him out of money situations, and buying him food. Maybe help him get a job or something, but do something soon otherwise he will bring you down.
Good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, Sparkles +, writes (12 April 2007):
I think taht you even questioning this relationship suggests that there is a problem. I think that the best course of action to take would be to confront him. Explain to him how you feel may be even writing him a letter. Reassure him that you do care for him however you do not feel comfortable financially supporting him. If he gets angry or upset over this then pherhaps you should re-asess the relationship and in particular his motives behind this. You should not have to be put in this sittuation and him making you feel like this suggests that he has little respect for you. However much you love him there is no reason for him to treat you like this. Good luck.
...............................
|
