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female
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anonymous
writes:Hi, So I'm a paranoid wreck at the moment. My boyfriend was working in England for the last 3 weeks. I missed him very much and I think he felt the same. He arrived back on Sunday and everything is fine. The thing is, this morning when I was getting up for work I saw his work phone. It had a missed call on it, when I looked at who it was from it was from someone called Lucy. Also there is a text message on his phone saying hi and Radio 1 rocks. I am now wondering did he meet someone over there. We have recently just moved in with each other. Things are a bit shakey but were getting used to living together. Do you think I should ask him who this woman is. If I do he will know I checked his phone, or should I just trust him and let it go. I know he loves me and I don't think he would cheat on me but doesn't everyone think that about their partner. He phoned nearly everyday that he was away and brought home loads of stuff for our new house. Am I just being a paranoid freak???ThanksLiz
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, so I went home last night and started up a conversation about England... He actually brought her name up.. Turns out she was a QA on site and one of the guys who was working with him was seeing her!!! To be honest I believe him, it just rolled off his tongue. he's not the kind of person who lies...So turns out I was a paranoid freak after all. Thanks to everone for the advice, if I hadn't of listened to most of you i would have gone home bull headed demanding answers and then this morning i would have a serious problem on my hands..Thanks againL
A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (27 November 2007):
 but is this lucy's number an english number (you can tell from internationl dialing code or the cell phone prefixes)
Hi is very suspicious but what about this radio 1 rocks, if these two are together it may even be an ad. But f it is from Lucy then think twice.
So many unknowns out there. But I dont think there is any thing serious.
If you really want to know go ahead and ask suddenly and observe his reaction.
But you are not a kind of woman who would play tricks on him and he seem to be a nice loving guy, and there can always be small minor incidents which are not worth worrying in his life for you.
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (27 November 2007):
 Just ask. Things should be open. My bf doesn't care if I look on his phone, and he is always willing to tell me who a certain female is. In fact, it reassures him that I still care for him if I'm concerned about which females he talks to. No, I don't check his phone all the time, just from time to time. Trust is one thing, but blindly trusting with never asking questions or thinking about things is not a good route to follow.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): Have you heard of this woman before? I think you should set the scene for along casual chat about his trip. Watch for any defensive comments or behaviour. One way round it could be to mention that a friend of yours wants to go to England and loves music etc etc. There may be ways to lead into a natural opportunity for him to mention 'Lucy'. I would play innocent for now because if there was anything going on more texts will come and you need more evidence before any solid accusations could be made. All I can say on hunch though is it sounds a bit odd and ever so slightly personal - like a kind of in-joke - but it could just be banter. Give him a chance to mention her.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (27 November 2007):
 The answers from the other aunts is great. You can ask if you choose but you have to do it in the proper way.
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A
male
reader, TomWilkinson  +, writes (27 November 2007):
 You're more than entitled to ask "who is Lucy?", but the way in which you ask is very important, you essentially need to say it in the same way you'd ask "who is john?", ie, generally being interested in his life as opposed to "how dare you talk to girls!".
Sometime looking at peoples messages can be an issue, but with it being his work phone you could always say you were worried incase it was something important.
It's good that you trust him and that you haven't instantly flew off the handle, I think you know deep down yourself that making an issue out of this wouldn't be smart
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A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (27 November 2007):
 Hi there, I wouldnt go jumping to conclusions. For a start it was a message about a radio channel we have over here, secondly, he will come into contact with other women, it doesnt mean he is going to have affairs with all of them.
Im not sure you should mention her just yet, but do sit down with him and ask him to tell you everything that he experianced while away, ask him about frieds he made and who he was working with.
But dont interigate him, ask him as though yor really interested. If he doesnt mention any women at all, then I would guess he was afraid you will be jelous and hang him for speaking to a female of any shape. You can ask him then who lucy is, but make sure he undersatands that you dont have a problem with him working with or talking to other women, as long as he understand the fidelity aspect. If he professes to have never heard of her, then maybe you might have a problem, but if he is honest and tells you the truth, then you can set your mind at ease.
Its up to you how you handle this, but please dont go accusing him of having an affair, as if your wrong you could do so much harm to your relationship.
Take care hun. xxxxxxxxx
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