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Do you consider race a factor when choosing a partner?

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Question - (13 May 2008) 20 Answers - (Newest, 13 May 2008)
A age 36-40, * writes:

I'm a African-American male that likes all types of women. The women I used to be with are Latinos. I do not really care about ethnicity because if you look for someone that understands your needs and your strives, that someone may not be your color and he/she really cares about you. Have you ever had anyone that is not your race that really cares about you or are you still looking for that someone who is your race?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey guys! I want to thank you for answering this very important topic. It does not matter if you're Black, White, Asian, Latino, or Mixed. What really matters is that if you truly love someone, then it has to be their personality and not their race. Race should never be a factor when it comes to love. Again thanks guys!

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (13 May 2008):

TasteofIndia agony auntHey there,

Well - I'm half black & half white... so, unless I find another half/half, I'll always be dating beyond my own race. My parents have been married for 21 years and are still happily in love and together. Screw people who are too close-minded to open their hearts to everybody. Nobody who I've ever dated seemed to notice, nor care about the color of my skin.... it's a cliché, but it's true: it's whats on the inside that counts. I'm pretty much super cool, and that would be true no matter what color my skin was... hahaha!

xx India

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

No

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A female reader, shandygirl United States +, writes (13 May 2008):

shandygirl agony auntRace doesn't matter. Either you love each other or not. The only thing is... can you deal with how other people will react to the two of you being together? Some people can be very rude. Sometimes family members can also make things difficult for an inter-racial relationship. Could the both of you deal with it? Would you let it affect your relationship?

Culture does matter sometimes, when it comes to dating or being married to someone who is from a different country. I had a friend who was married to a man from South America. Because of cultural differences, they ended in divorce.

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A female reader, shandygirl United States +, writes (13 May 2008):

shandygirl agony auntRace doesn't matter. Either you love each other or not.

Culture does matter sometimes, when it comes to dating or being married to someone who is from a different country. I had a friend who was married to a man from South America. Because of cultural differences, they ended in divorce.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

Culture for me is more important than race. I'm very much aware that a white Jamaican guy is very different kettle of fish from a white British guy, and yes for my culture is an important part of what I look for in a partner.

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A female reader, daisydaresyou United Kingdom +, writes (13 May 2008):

I have dated men from all races and all different countries, so I say it doesn't matter to me. White, black, asian, British, Caribbean, Indian, Somalian, Ghanaian, Italian...I have had good relationships and found things in common with all of them. Why limit yourself to only one race/type of person - you are likely to have things in common with others, we are all human and so all basically the same inside. I can see some people might have a physical preference but I think fat vs. thin is more likely to matter physically than black vs. white!

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A male reader, Jamer70 United Kingdom +, writes (13 May 2008):

Jamer70 agony auntSome people will say race doesnt matter, but in the end it does. BUT not for the wrong reasons.

People have preferences when looking for a partner, i know a set of twins (white females) who are atracted to black males. I have a friend (black male) who is attracted to white females. I myself (black male) am not attracted to black girls as much as white/latino. Race can matter but so does personality so if the right girl/guy comes along take it no matter if they are from mars

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

I am a white woman, & I don't think I would date anyone who wasn't at least mostly white. Sorry but that's true. I just wouldn't feel like it were natural to me, and I wouldn't want to deal with black women making rude comments about me taking their men, lol. I have actually heard that before when I was talking to a black man. He was flirting with me, and the black women that were on the bus with us got mad & were making mean remarks.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

I think people have a right to have opinions about race when dating. Just as much as we think it's fine for a person to only be attracted to blonds or redheads, or only heavier/thinner people, etc. People can have a personal preference for one race over another as it applies to their own dating choices without it meaning they're "racist" in general.

However I think right now a lot of people are in total denial about their opinions too.

For example I see a lot of white females who only date black males, and they start arguing "race doesn't matter!" if the subject comes up. But it obviously DOES matter to them when they've dated 15 guys in their life and all 15 of them have been black.

And I see a lot of white guys who insist "race wouldn't matter to me one bit if I was attracted to the girl." But they've dated 15 white girls and never dated a hispanic or black or asian girl, so race obviously must matter to them when they're choosing a girl too.

Like I said, I see nothing WRONG with having preferences. But some people could be a little more honest with themselves about who they really choose and why.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

After thinking about it for a while, I recall as I was dating this black girl (me white), my brother didn't approve. What I said to him kept us distant to this day, almost 24 years now.

For whatever reasons, we humans are judgemental and cause ripples in our lives and others. It shouldn't matter, but it does. We also have preferences as noted below, for whatever reasons, they are there. Just the slight difference in skin color brings judgement. Lighter color versus darker; same color. There are many reasons for it, the simplest can be traced to religion, but I think it is a natural occurance in humans. We want to belong, so visual is how we determine who we should belong with. I suppose once we get over this ...

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (13 May 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntSay EVERYTHING should be considered when looking for a partner, even bank accounts.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

Of course race is a factor in choosing a partner. We all have our particular preferences, likes and dislikes. It's no more of an issue than saying we prefer blondes, or brunettes, or redheads, or big breasts or whatever.

Even so, we may be suprised and end up with someone whose characteristics, racial or otherwise, we never anticipated finding desirable.

Personally, I've always wanted a tall, dark man of African orgin with a particularly large ****. And I ended up with a small, fair European with oustandingly average sexual attributes.

C'est la vie.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

i think it is a consideration when choosing a gf/bf, not an absolute essential but a consideration. personally i generally crush on and my ideal man i think would be a white guy-but on the other hand it's not like i wouldnt ever go for a guy of another colour-because one, i had a crush on an asian teacher and a black guy before. without a doubt how people usually have preferences but what's stronger is how they come across as a person and they way they treat you and make you feel overcome these preferences.

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A female reader, happytochat Australia +, writes (13 May 2008):

I think race should be considered when going into a relationship. I think you can love and care for someone no matter what there race is, but making a relationship work can be A LOT harder if there are people of two different races. You have to consider things such as culture background, beliefs, values and religion. These are all important aspects of ANY relationship, whether they be two people of the same race or not. Its just when you have two people of different races, their beleifs andvalues usualy vary alot. So thats why you must first take a look at those, to see if the relationship can work.

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A female reader, Isabella1974 Ireland +, writes (13 May 2008):

Isabella1974 agony auntHi there, when you meet the person who loves and understands you i dont think race should be a factor.

I just happen to know a girl i went to school with years again, who met a black guy and they are so happy together,thery have three beautiful children and he is wonderful partner and father, of course there would be certain cultural difference, but this just makes it more interesting and you can both learn something from each other.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (13 May 2008):

Danielepew agony auntI'm afraid that all the answers you will get will be in the line "race doesn't matter". We all know it shouldn't, and we all know it does. In more than one way.

There are, of course, those who wouldn't entertain a serious relationship with you because of your color, whatever it is.

Also, sometimes you find some physical features attractive. Some people do take race into consideration for their choice of partners. I understand that Robert De Niro has a thing for black women, for example. I know a person who has a thing for blacks. My mother doesn't like white men, and, before anyone complains, she's white. In Nicaragua, the Mayangna indians frown on their young marrying a non-Mayangna. They are dying out and they can't find another way to survive as a nation. By the way, they are right.

I happen to know about one very peculiar case. An European man had a thing for black women. He would only have relationships with blacks. However, he didn't like the idea of having black children. He had two, by the way, who, most naturally, were black. He left his wife, because she was black, among other things, and then married another black. Now that makes sense.

We should also think of circumstances that might be confused with marrying due to their race.

And then, many Latinos in the United States (I don't know about elsewhere) marry their own kind not so much for color, as we have them all, but for the things that come with color. You find a person who thinks like you, speaks your language and, most importantly, sees the world the way you do. Also, a person who is in approximately the same situation as you.

So, let's not kid ourselves: race is a factor when choosing a partner. It can be a factor of exclusion (I won't date blacks) or a factor of inclusion (I don't want you if you're not black).

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

Actually yes. I had placed an add in a dating paper. She, a black woman, sent a very sweet letter to me. We dated for a while, but because of our work and other interest, we moved on, still close friends. I have dated others, and found no differences except cultural, what was common behavior in there community or country was slightly different then my own, but this is usually workable, like oriental seemed to be different cultural, but also seemed intriguing.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Lonelytwo, have you ever been in an interacial relationship before? LOL. Seriously, I truly agree. Love does not have to be black or white, it only matters when you are with someone. Thanks for the reply!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008):

I think it is natural that when your looking for someone to love you, you don't necesarily care what color skin they have, your only interested in finding someone who will love you for you, and this could come in many colors.

Society places these fears in our heads, culture plays a role of these fears, religions have done the same, if they ain't one of us, then they are bad. Poppycock!

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