A
male
age
36-40,
*ero_Virus
writes:I'm a 25 year old virgin and I've never been in a relationshipI feel at this point it's almost hopeless, the bad part is, is that, I'm almost ready to accept the fact that I will live out my life being alone and never understanding what love feels like.It's just hard to see your friends always be happy cause they have someone they can be with, or the fact that it takes little effort to them to get a girl when I feel like I have to climb Mt. Everest and have the top no where in sight.When relationships come to mind the only thing I can think of is how I'm going to mess it up. I believe she will be tired of my because of how nervous I will be.At a recent family dinner my Nana asked me if I had a girlfriend, when I said no she than said "what the hell is wrong with you?" my mom is also the same way but not that straight forward. At that point I just want to walk away and never look back.It's not even about the sex (I think it's just the bonus of the relationship, maybe that is why I fail?) I just want to finally have someone I can spend my time with i.e. movies, dates etc.Everyone tells me I'm the nicest guy they ever met. But ladies do nice guys finish last? I don't want to become someone else. I thank you for listening to my story. I'm sorry that I'm just complaining but I needed to get that out. I am losing my mind. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 November 2009):
You don't need to become anyone else. It is true that nice guys do come last for a while, but certainly not forever. Younger women do like to have fun, which means a lot of them go for the bad boys who supposedly offer it. Then one day, one or two of them get tired of being hurt, see a nice guy and snap him up. so be patient, she is out there. All you need to do is have confidence, look approachable (decent clothes, be tidy, don't look angry or anything like that) and she'll find you. In the meantime, make sure you're going out with some good friends, so you're at least having fun. Just be patient.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (20 November 2009):
 Hey, it's never too late. You are just a young whipper snapper, as often said in Texas. lol
I know that the the word "confidence" may be hard for you to grasp and exude, but please believe me, it is important. Be confident that you truly ARE a nice person, and some women will soon recognize that virtue. It is ultimately a much greater quality than simply being good looking or popular based on superficial things. And above all, keep smiling!
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): Hey!I’m sorry you feel like this. I know how hard it can be when all your friends are having fun with someone whilst you stand there feeling left out lonely.It is DEFINITELY NOT hopeless for you. Your age should not reflect the need of a relationship. As with every issue, it works differently for each person. In society it’s the norm to see people dating in their early teens but don’t let the fact you’re not in your teens be a subject of taunts. Relationships are valid and important things that you don’t just rush into. Emotions and thoughts all go into a relationship so if you don’t get that happening for you in your teens then wait until it does.You should try socialising more, bringing out more confidence in you. It doesn’t have to be drastic, simple things like going to the shops, bookstores, music stores, coffee houses etc... smiling and joking with people at the tills goes so far into bringing out more confidence in you. Don’t think about how you’re going to mess the relationship up before it starts, that could make you more nervous. Relationships are exciting and new so nervousness is expected, just make sure you build a firm friendship so you both feel comfortable.People can be sucked into society’s norm, thinking if you haven’t had a relationship at _____ age that you should get up and get moving on it. Don’t let them hurt you with their remarks. Relationships first happen with a spark of common interest and curiosity....you’re still finding someone who does that for you, it’s perfectly okay.Firstly try to build on social confidence, get humorous and chatty, talk to people at work/ friend’s friend, make acquaintances. Soon enough you’ll be meeting more interesting people who have more in common with you than you think. From there once you work a nice friendship you can ask them to movies, restaurants etc.Nice guys definitely don’t finish last. All you need is a smile, some humour, some confidence to socialise more and soon enough you’ll realise there’s people out there you’ll enjoy more of their company and vice versa. =)
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): duce is right.But to add my spin, the secret is to learn from the ones who do it best..women.Serously your female equivalent is going through guys like tissues. The secret is going out and meeting new people. You need to make an extra effort to be around people more. How many girls do you know? Time to meet someAs I have said in prevous posts. Having a couple of girls as friends is the best way to get comfortable. trust me the girls your age will be all over you as soon as you get comfortable.I know its hard but practise makes perfect so get out there, hit the clubs, learn how to dance or just do what I do...get drunk and sway around. Seems to work.ps buy going out clothes and make sure they fit are clean and suite you. Soon we will have to deal with all the girls you are dumping
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): Get women off this huge pedestal in your mind. They're still people. They fart. They queaf. They pee. They poop.
If you can make friends with anyone of your own gender then you can make friends with someone of the other. A romantic relationship is a step above that but it's not as far as you probably think it is.
And just stop trying to EARN romantic attention. You don't earn it, you just demand it and you either get it or you don't. If you spend your life trying to earn it then you'll watch them give it to assholes who just demand it. I think you've already learned this part.
You don't have to be an asshole but you've gotta stop needing their approval so badly just to keep up the courage to continue to interact with them. Be willing to say something that pisses a woman off if it needs to be said. Be willing to make her dislike you if it is called for. Be yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): I never even kissed anyone until I was 23. I remember feeling exactly like you. Just hang in there when you give up looking, that's when you find someone. Then you'll have a whole new set of issues to make you lose your mind! :-/
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (20 November 2009):
 Well there are women who like ass-holes. We see them here often. They are 10 times as broken up as you and get all kind of attention from the opposite sex.
Here are a few pointers I think work and I hope the aunts jump in too.
1-Confidence!! Any man can have it. Work out, you will exude your strength and your posture will change.
2-Have alot of conversations with women. It doesnt matter if they are the old lady at the checkout or the bombshell at the bar. You have to get used to communicating with women more freely.
3-Do not let the little voice in the back of your head that says "Im not enough" do so much driving. Go ahead and get angry at that stupid self talk because its shit.
4-Get some decent cloths, it feels good and you walk a little taller.
5-Women want it just like you, dont ever forget it.
6-Get a few good wing men to go out with. Have fun and be fun to be around.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): I feel for ya, as I have the same problem. I think your feelings about not using sex as a number one for obtaining a relationship is good. Listen, I've always wanted a relationship, but ended up with several guys who only used me for sex. So I think a woman will appreciate a man who doesn't see sex first and a relationship as an after thought. Also, I know what you mean about seeing your friends with other people and they seem happy(and it hurts to know that we haven't experienced that), but I too had to realize that even though those people seem happy they often aren't, every relationship has problems. I like to see it as a positive that I don't have to worry about relationship troubles right now, but I also see it as an opportunity to realize what I want and don't want in a relationship. And once you establish that, when you are persuing someone you'll know exactly what you want in a girlfriend. I know it seems hopeless, but please don't give up, there's someone out there for everyone. And sometimes it takes some of us longer to find them. if you're interested in meeting someone and haven't had much luck thus far try online dating or volunteering somewhere to meet new people. Also, people can sense when you really are eager to be with anyone, so try to let go of the fact that you really want a relationship and just have fun and be yourself. Get some of your buddies together and go out on the town, don't worry about messing up. Approach women, offer to buy them a drink and remember practice makes perfect so don't give up or settle after the first person. Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, lazyman87 +, writes (20 November 2009):
i am in a similar situation regarding love at least, though i'm not a virgin and have just turned 22.
i fancy a nice girl, and i asked her if nice guys finish last, and she says no. she still doesn't fancy me not sure if i have to be mean for a bit but it's you we're discussing here.
talk to your female friends and see what they say. you don't want to change, but you want to be seen in a more romantic way by someone (in general). i feel they can help you more than a sad student still awake and sober at 5.15am!!
best of luck bro, it isn't just you who feels your pain.
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