A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I grew up in a very religious home (no sex before marriage). I grew out of my religion, but my health kept me from having fun. I've met a great guy, (who i lost my virginity to at 23) but he has a lot of experience, with the pics to prove it. We've been together about two and a half years. He's divorced and has two kids. I love him so much it hurts sometimes, and I don't think I want to be without him. But sometimes it's so hard to be with someone who has such much experience, someone who has the past that I wanted to have but couldn't. I get so envious sometimes I can't stand it. Sometimes I just want to be carefree and unattached, and not have to deal with his exwife, and gain that experience now. But I love him so much I don't think I can. I couldn't have the past I wanted because of my health. But can I be happy only being with him? What should I do? Can I find a way to just appreciate what we have, or will I always feel this way if I stay with him? I'm so torn...
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female
reader, empop +, writes (21 November 2009):
So, apparently women hit their sexual peak in their 30s so don't worry about losing your virginity late - you got lots of good sex time to look forward to!As for the mix-matched past, normally I'd say "just ride with it and pick up a few tips" except for your comment that he has a lot of experience with the "pics to prove it." If he's talking excessively to you about his sexual past, and showing you pictures of previous encounters, he's being a jerk.Sometimes I'm an extremely jealous girlfriend, and sometimes I'm totally mellow. What I realized was that it often depends on how the guy presents his sexual past. If my boyfriend talks about his sexual past with a sense of humor ("and then I totally farted when she went down on me!") and reassures me that he loves sex with me, I'm usually fine. If I'm dating someone who constantly talks about how hot he finds certain women, or goes on about wonderful previous sexual exploits, then I get really jealous.I think it's possible you wouldn't feel jealous with another guy. I also think that you want to get out and live a little yourself. You will never be happy in a relationship if you're not happy with yourself, and it sounds like you're not happy with yourself right now. You want to get out and explore a bit more. Go for it! You may regret not having a sexual past now, in your early 20s, but don't you think you'll regret it more in your early 30s? Do you want this guy to be the only guy you ever have sex with in your life?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): Mismatched sexual histories are usually a sign of bad compatibility. In short, the past really does matter.
This way of thinking is not socially acceptable but it's the truth.
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