A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello people, I have a problem here, or maybe I'm paranoid. Either way, I know this gal, She's 21, and I'm 27. Oh and I should make it clear that I have a number of scars on my body and 2 on my face because when I was in Afghanistan in duty an accident happened and I was taken POW. Ok back to the story, yesterday I took her to the beach, she's used to my face scars and isn't bothered by 'em. But yesterday when I took my shirt off, the scars on my back, gut, and chest were visible. She went O.O! And tried to act normal, she asked me what's the story behind them, I told her. She was shocked in a way and wasn't in her normal self. I'm starting to think that my scars disgust her. I love her and don't want to ruin this bond, I talked to her, and she said no but I always catch her disgusted/shocked. I could get plastic surgery, despite that I hate it. Any help? Anyone?Appreciated. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 1989BABY +, writes (15 July 2010):
 I think things like that take time to get used to, she probably said no because she doesnt wanna make you feel bad. Maybe take ur shirt off a little more = ) LOL
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 July 2010):
 Read the link Q1605 put up, it's interesting and healthy.
Also, read this story:
http://www.oregonlive.com/steltz/
And this:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/04/ny...ewanted=1&_r=1
None of us are perfect 24/7. But you can be, perfectly happy with whom you are.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 July 2010):
Honestly I find scars sexy. Call me weird.
I don't think she was disgusted, maybe shocked and feeling over protective of you. If they bother her, then she is shallow and you need to find a better woman.
You know the scene in Lethal weapons II? Where Mel Gibson and the female character (her name eludes me right now) they compare scars and tells the stories of HOW they got them. That's my favorite scene. :)
I have been stitched up 20+ times, I was pretty much a Tomboy as a kid and would always jump on any dare or try and outdo my bigger brother, which I usually did, but sometimes it resulted in me having to go to the ER and well, get stitches. I have scars from several surgeries, I don't hide them, they are part of me.
If people don't like to see them, they can look away.
IF and ONLY IF they bother YOU, you should consider plastic surgery.
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (14 July 2010):
 I wouldn't yet jump to the conclusion that she is feeling disgust towards you and your body-she may feel disgust towards the people that abused it, and it is jarring to people who are accustomed to a certain body type to be exposed to a 'different' kind of body. I think she'll probably get used to them like she has with your face. If her shock/disgust doesn't change after a couple of weeks of seeing the scars again, I would move on from her, you shouldn't have to resort to plastic surgery for anyone but yourself, and you say it wouldn't be for you.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (14 July 2010):
 It sounds like this was the first time she's seen the one's on your body, right? If that's the case, then yes I'm sure that's why she's acting weird. We all would, including you, if we were in her position. I'm not saying she's going to just run away now and never want to see you, but lots of relationships have something similar happen. Some are physical, some are more intangible, like telling a Catholic that you're an Atheist (which can be almost just as shocking for some Catholics). My point is, it's not as unusual as you may believe.
Allow her to go through the "shocked" period. Let her process it. Then, I recommend talking to her about it. If you really feel you have a connection with her, then there's a good chance she feels the same way. Taking the time to show her more closely would help her process it all.
The biggest thing to remember is she could be reacting that way "Saying they don't bother her" because she is worried about how you'll react. For good reason I'm guessing your self esteem is a bit down since you've gotten the scars. If you care about her that much, you need to open up to her. Let her know you feel it's ok for her to look at them and even touch them. As much as it sucks having them, don't make them "the thing you never speak of" because like it or not, they are a part of you now. Let her know it's okay to be shocked.
The more you hide them from her the less she'll see them, and the less of you she'll know. Yes, you could always get plastic surgery, but that's secondary. You need to open up to her first. Trust her that she cares about you just as much as you care about her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): If she loves you she should except you for who you are not the scars you have on your body. they shouldent make any difference to her they are a part of you and shows how you fought for your country and how brave you were.
If you were my bf or a boy i had just met i wouldent care its not always whats on the outside its whats on the inside you are still the same person and they should make you feel stronger if anything.
Dont get plastic surgery just for her if you want it do it for yourself but if your ok with them then you should leave them.
If she loves you that much she should get used to them and accept them as a part of you, the rest im sorry is up to you.
If you can live with her looking at them the way you say she does then stay with her but she shouldent be doin that if she loves you she should love you even more it could of bin much much worse and she should be happy that all you have if a few scars and that your fit and health.
hope i have help you a bit feel free to message me if you want to talk some more,
stay safe x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): Firstly, don't get plastic surgery because you feel someone isn't comfortable around you, get it because YOU want to.
You described her as being 'disgusted', I'm sure it isn't like that. Shocked, however I think suits better. She was most likely shocked and wasn't sure how to react or know what to say as she wasn't expecting it.
Are you dating?
If she really is 'disgusted' then she isn't worth your time. If someone isn't happy with you or the way you look, that's their problem, not yours.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 July 2010):
 I think she's scared more than disgusted. Most people never think about POW situations unless they or someone close to them has been through it. She's probably dealing with a flood of emotions about it that she wasn't expecting. You have to continue being who you are. If you do choose to get plastic surgery, please do it for yourself, and not someone else.
She's also probably scared about possible PTSD or something like that based on your experiences. Do your best to let the topic rest for the time being and just try being with her. Once she's more relaxed, try talking about it again. Often times our own perceptions of what other people may be thinking are worse than what they actually are.
Good luck and thank you for your service.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): If she loves you she should except you for who you are not the scars you have on your body. they shouldent make any difference to her they are a part of you and shows how you fought for your country and how brave you were.
If you were my bf or a boy i had just met i wouldent care its not always whats on the outside its whats on the inside you are still the same person and they should make you feel stronger if anything.
Dont get plastic surgery just for her if you want it do it for yourself but if your ok with them then you should leave them.
If she loves you that much she should get used to them and accept them as a part of you, the rest im sorry is up to you.
If you can live with her looking at them the way you say she does then stay with her but she shouldent be doin that if she loves you she should love you even more it could of bin much much worse and she should be happy that all you have if a few scars and that your fit and health.
hope i have help you a bit feel free to message me if you want to talk some more,
stay safe x
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