A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So just over a year ago i met a man on a dating site and we decided to make a go of it. Everything was great for the first couple of month then he sectioned himself. He had told me prior to meeting his mental health issues. So we kind of had a break but when we got chatting he seemed distant so i said well just be friends he said he wanted more. I then said lets arrange a date he agreed to the date time and place then cancelled. He went silent so i told him it was over. After a couple of months silence he contacted me out of the blue and wanted to try again i asked him whats been going on and he fed me a witness protection story which i have proof wasnt true. So i decided to go along with agreeing to meet up no date was arranged for 3 month in those 3 month i was actually going on real dates. Then after the date silence again which i expected. To cut a long story short he tried to arrange another date with me in october so i went along with it but he had news he got a job as a 'bodyguard' and would finish at midnight. I actually humoured him and went out with friends he thought i was at home. I have now seen him on the same dating site as me and hes got a job as a 'tree surgeon' which is also untrue. This man does have mental health issues and is a serious fantasist.the amount of lies he told me is shocking i just played along and slowly hinted i knew he was lying but he just carried on. I know its not my place to warn other women about him but to be honest hes not safe around them. He doesnt know i know hes on the dating site as my profile is private. Should i just call him out , try and warn others or just block him ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2018): Op here. Unfortunately i did have a mental breakdown months before joining the site and only joined when i felt ready. As for the red flags I only worked out his kies a few month after he had told me. I wanted to know if he would admit the truth that is the only reason i agreed to a dates with him. So less of the bashing about my mental health thanks dont presume everyone is top notch. The only reason id want to warn others is so they dont get dragged into rubbish he spouts out. Took me long enough i dont want someone never realising and having their life screwed up by him.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 November 2018):
 Not sure HOW you propose warning other women as I can't actually think of any even semi-sensible way of doing this. That aside, WHAT would you actually warn them of? That this guy has mental health issues? That is only YOUR opinion. He may act totally differently with other women. Just because he chose to cover his tracks by lying to you does not make him a danger to anyone. It just makes him a liar. For all you know, he was probably dating others during the times he dropped off the radar, same as you were, but felt he needed a better reason for his lack of contact so he could get you back.
Like the other aunts, I found it astounding that, after you had worked out the guy was a liar, you still carried on meeting up with him. Why would you do that? And HOW did you find out he was lying? Did you waste more time "playing detective"?
Sweetheart, you need to draw a line under this encounter and move on with your life. If is not your responsibility to warn anyone of how you found this man to be because, let's be honest, you aided and abetted him by going back to him AFTER discovering he was a liar.
If he has mental health issues (who doesn't?), that is nothing to do with you. Block him and meet guys who don't mess you about. Stop wasting your time on a relationship which is never going to go anywhere.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (2 November 2018):
 I find it disturbing that you kept dating him when you realized what kind of a person he was. Who does that??? Stop worrying about him and worry about yourself OP. It honestly sounds like you have issues of your own. Other women would never keep going out with someone like him. WHY did you?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (2 November 2018):
 I don't think many women would be as foolish on purpose as you were. I would be more worried about yourself, for falling for someone like him for as long as you did, after everything that he told you. I think you're the one that needs help here.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (2 November 2018):
 Nope. It would just look like sour grapes and you'll probably end up looking like a nut job yourself, spending all this time and energy on him. Any woman who doesn't size him up within seconds on her own isn't going to listen to any warnings from you.And I recommend you stop playing games with him. You're a bit old for this. He doesn't need any more encouragement.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 November 2018):
 No, OP it's really not your job to POLICE dating sites and call out men YOU were (pardon if this is rude) silly enough, to go out with ans waste your time on.
Not all women would "play along" to keep dating a man... I mean really, Nancy Drew... what was the point in all that?
You obviously (according to your post) sussed him out as having mental issues but you KEEP talking to him and going on dates, so really WHO is the nutty one here?
Just block him. Get on with your life. Accept that you chose POORLY and that YOU wasted time on someone who isn't really ready or mentally able to date.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2018): Why should you call him out? You still arranged for a date after beings stood-up, and knowing he lied about being under witness protection. That would have scared the daylights out of me; let alone arranging to meet him for a date!
Why are you warning other women, when you didn't take precautions in spite of red-flags you saw for yourself?
Just block him and stay away from him. You figured him out; so will others. He did you no harm; so you don't need to warn people about him. He's the typical online troll; and you just stay the hell away from them once you realize it.
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