A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello My husband isnt working and I am providing for our family. He is unable to work do to his new arrival to my country. During hid time here, he tells me his friends back home need an apartment to rent and they need to open up their own business. He expects me to give them money to do so. I told him that I am not a bank and I paid already alot of money to bring my husband here to be with me My husband smokes weed all day and chats with women while I am away from his country. When I ask who these women are he replies their like daughters to me. Yet their 3 years younger than him, some are the same age. I'm getting upset with his expectations he should I handle this ?
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his ex, money, smokes Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2018): If that's all it is then you talk to them too, if he says no or wont let you see anything then hes wanting to fuck other women, I know what you are going through
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (5 November 2018):
 Please be strong and move on, they are better men out there. Don't give him or his friends money.
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A
female
reader, 40somethinggal +, writes (5 November 2018):
Give his dude a wake up call! Tell him to tell the truth about the girls and get his sorry ass a job or he will be out on the street
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2018): Is it obvious to everyone else but you that this con artist has scored his meal ticket for life? Come on, honey! You aren't stupid. It's time to face reality. You know he's using you. You just want to keep pretending your life is a fairytale romance and it isn't! You know exactly what to do. Nobody here can convince you to pull the plug on this guy's lottery win. You need to reach your own breaking point. And you WILL. If you're smart.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (3 November 2018):
 I’m struggling to see how you’re not his bank here.
He doesn’t work and you pay for everything. He’s a jobless bum that chats to other females in front of you and you’re accepting it, does it sound like he’s going to change anytime soon? Sounds like he’s got a nice, easy life to be honest.
Sounds like he’s milking you of everything possible until you realise what he’s up to. Looks like you made a big mistake on this one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2018): Close the checking account. Please give us some backstory on how you met your husband, how long you've been married, and what kind of advice do you really want from DC?
He's a grown-man, and you brought him here; which means you met this guy while he was living in another country.
I will speculate you didn't know much about him; because he didn't suddenly decide to become a lazy unemployed pothead all of a sudden. He always had these tendencies; but you apparently carried on an online long-distance relationship; or I cannot imagine how you got duped into marrying someone like that?
More info, better advice.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 November 2018):
 But you ARE effectively a bank for him. Who paid for him to come to your country? Who pays for his weed habit? Who pays for his phone? Who pays for his food? Who pays for the roof over his head?
As Honeypie says, you need to wake up and see you have been taken for a ride. I appreciate this is not a nice thing to acknowledge but the soon you do it, the sooner you can sort this out.
You honestly want to know how you should handle this? You divorce him and send him back to where he came from. He doesn't love you. He certainly doesn't treat you with any respect. He is taking you for a mug. You ARE a bank to him and he will carry on treating you this way as long as you allow it.
I'm sorry if you wanted advice on how to sort out your relationship which wasn't terminal but I really can't see there IS a way to sort this out. He is a user. You allowed him to use you. You now have two choices: carry on indefinitely as you are and let him use you, or pack this gigolo off back to where he came from. I am sure it won't be long before he finds someone else gullible enough to bankroll him and his friends.
You deserve better. You know you do.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 November 2018):
 Make sure he has NO access to your money. If he is here on a visa (tourist or work visa) You have until it runs out to decide when you are going to realize you made a HUGE mistake in marrying this guy.
He isn't in the States because he LOVES you. He is here to wring every dime out of you so he can play big man back in his country. And IF you LET him stay long enough he will not start working and help with the bills. Come on OP you know you have been hoodwinked here or your just ignores his behavior before he came over?
How is he paying for weed? Are YOU paying for it?
How is he communicating with other women? You paying for the phone/computer the internet etc?
Wake up and smell the coffee. You are being taken advantage off and you know it.
The thing is, will you actually DO something about it?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 November 2018):
 Pretty sure we’ve advised you before to divorce him because you married before you properly knew each other and he’s just using you. I’m sorry, but our advice won’t change.
Cut him off and get a divorce.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2018): Wow this is really a big problem. Clearly you have been his ticket to get to your country and probably this marriage was arranged by your respective families. It looks as though his family sent him away to get rid of him. I hope you don't have any kids because I suggest you talk to your side of the family and get their support to start immediate annulment action of the marriage and send him packing to his friends and girls. Yes you are being used. Horribly used.
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