A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need advice on how I can either get over or fix something I started 7 months ago. . 5 years ago I drank in my local bar with my sister that night I noticed this older man eyes set on me all night which made me very uncomfortable at first. I know him for being perverted and always on the hunt for a woman to get into bed, as a person I’m too nice and felt I couldnt turn away and not speak to him as it would be rude and when he came over to speak to me, he was charming but I knew his reasoning was for sex. He never asked for sex but I knew the charming nature was for a reason and as the night went on he asked me to kiss him I told him no and he rubbed my hand and told me I as gorgeous and driving him crazy. Every time since then he would chance it with me over the course of four years. I never gave in as much as I desired to. At the time I lost a lot of weight when I first met him and I felt good about myself because I knew My appearance was sexy. The problem was that I was attracted to him too . Then 7 months ago when I was going through a bad break up I decided to go to this bar and tease him, I went on my own wore a short skirt and buttoned blouse I knew these would tease him and like I guessed he was at the other side of the bar sipping a beer and smiled. He chatted me up all night and I played hard to get . We drank he whispered dirty things in my ear and I enjoyed his company because I obviously wanted to have sex with this man for a while . Then out in the smoking room it was then I leaned in for a kiss and without hesitation he went straight in. We kissed for at least 10 minutes feeling each other . He asked me if I wanted to go to his place I said why as I bit my lip and he laughed. I then agreed to go. We got a taxi and before we got to the door of his house we had already started kissing we striped in the hallway and by the time we got to the bed he was already in me. What I thought would have made me feel embarrassed and crap made me feel good, we continued for 4 months meeting up and having wild fun sex, I’d wear sexy lingerie and even sometimes he would book a hotel room and we would just spend the day in bed I’d give lap dances and we would making love continuously. I started to feel almost addicted to it , i enjoyed seeing the pleasure on his face when I’d walk out of the bathroom in my gear . I love biting his lip watch him clench the chair when I’d go down . I knew what we were doing wasn’t right but I didn’t want to stop I enjoyed pleasing him and he enjoyed pleasing me. I didn’t feel love I just felt I desired him sexually until he asked me after 4 months as we layed in bed am I looking for a relationship. It was then I stalled. I didn’t know what to say as all that flooded through my head was surely he wouldn’t settle down and surely I couldn’t pursue a relationship with this man for his bad reputation. The thing is I didn’t have interest in men when we were together for these 7 months I was happy with him I loved spending my time with him. But when he asked me if I was a relationship I said I don’t know and he just nodded , caressed my face and told me he was unsure how to explain this but he is falling for me and how he’s never actually thought of another woman like he has about me, he continued to say how he didn’t want to pressure me or make me feel like I have to be serious but he would love to try and see me outside of sex that it’s fun and he loved it but is it only ever to be sex. I just felt this man isn’t the type to settle down . He asked me would I like to try and I agreed for 3 months we changed the game he then started to bring me out for dinner bring me flowers ask me to come for dinner he treated me so well and it was strangely the best relationship I’ve ever been In as I felt respected and I did feel very loved by him as when we got into a relationship he put me first all the time but my mind got the better of me when people from the local would glare and gossip I’d panic he would tell me forget them but it was hard to and I decided I couldn’t go ahead that I just felt he had too much history. When I told him how I felt he told me I’m crazy that it’s not like that he was lonely never thought he would find someone and never felt love like he has this last few months . It was only ever one night stands he had. When I ended it he was upset he asked me am I sure and when I said I was he still booked me and paid for my taxi home . The past two weeks I’m a mess I’ve never cried so much with guilt and upset. When I called him one night I could tell by his voice he was still hurt and when I told him I care about him he told me that it doesn’t matter we had fun and it’s over now. That’s when I started to regret and get upset. He texts me back always instantly but he never texts me first anymore . I feel so rotten inside . Hes 48 and I’m 25 . I know there is an age gap I know he has history with many women I just feel upset as I did really care about this man. What would you do in my situation? Is it too late to fix things ? Please help.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 November 2018):
 I think this is a "case" of you wanting what you now can't have.
When you COULD "get" him, you didn't want him (for obvious reasons) but now that he has had enough of your immaturity, you suddenly WANT him.
I'm not saying you are childish, OP but immature. And BEING immature at your age is NOT uncommon. You have little experience.
You didn't want him while screwing around with him, because it was a game to you. That is why you could let your hair down and play all these bedroom games, because you KNEW this wasn't your future partner, not the father of your kids, not your husband. He was a guy who was OLDER ( MUCH MUCH older) who was/is a player because he didn't WANT to be tied down.
You both played games. After all, he HIT on you, pursued you as some little DISCARD-ABLE FUCKTOY for years. Probably still chasing other women as well.
SAYING he wanted to be with you and only you, well it sounds good. But reality is that men like this RARELY change their tune. They don't do a 180. However, that being said, he got FROM you what he was looking for, fun and sex and fantasy - so maybe he felt if this keeps working "this girl" (you) might be for me. Reality to that is that it wouldn't last. THAT is something I think you knew instinctually which is why you didn't want to date him seriously.
He isn't EXACTLY the kind of guy you take home to mom and dad, right?
He isn't EXACTLY the kind of guy you want to father your children, right?
Because someone who is 50! and have been a known player might not be great father/husband material.
You feel bad because you rejected him. And then he rejected you.
Accept that this was fun while it lasted but there is not REAL future here. You just knew it before HE did.
Cut him lose, cut the contact and I bet next time you see him he will be back out chasing young young women, the kind (like you) who are easily impressed, not serious and wanting fun.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2018): Sweetheart, you did nothing wrong. In your heart of hearts, you DO KNOW you've got an aging PLAYER on your hands. You panicked because deep down you don't want to be with this kind of a guy in a long term relationship. But you like the sex and excitement. He has this reputation for a reason. It's fun in the beginning but once you see the real man, it's not so fun anymore. Do you really think he'll be able to keep up with you for much longer?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (4 November 2018):
 He had a reputation as a player but at his age and as his sexual prowess starts to decline, he might want to settle down. He can understand why you panicked but you also have to be realistic that once you start a relationship, the excitement does down and he expects you to understand that it would be mutual responsibilities and support, rather than just fun and games. It's not too late to fix things but you still need to take time to decide if you can love an older man, and not just the sexual side of things. Telling him honestly that you cried so much can convince him of your feelings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2018): Just ask him if he'd like to have a talk and explained why you panicked. That is, if he hasn't resigned himself to just take a pass on you.
Don't expect things to be the same; as if you could pickup where you left-off. He just got to see your immaturity and the fact you care so much about how people think. You react without thinking; then want to turnaround and pretend like nothing happened.
Prepare yourself for the outcome; if you do decide to ask him to give it another go. Time to grow-up, if you're going to date an older-man.
He doesn't have time for your games; and you judged him badly. Now you're full of regret; because you ignored everything he did to prove he was not going to treat you as you assumed he would.
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