A
female
age
51-59,
*wedehearte
writes:My problem is this. My boyfriend, whom I live with, who says Im the love of his life, will not marry me. I decided to lay off him but the only way to do this is to emotionally disconnect from him so that I can deal. In my eyes, not wanting to marry me is the same as not wanting to commit so Im protecting my heart by stepping away. He is very happy I have dropped the issue but inside im a mess. Should I just break up with him and move on before I get resentful? I love my life with him but it seems Im going down a dead end road.
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female
reader, swedehearte +, writes (23 September 2009):
swedehearte is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys for your responses. Yes, there is a lot of truth there....I know only my heart can answer this question but it seems to be changing its mind a lot. In the morning I wake up and I feel kinda hurt and rejected, by midday I feel ok and by the evening I just feel numb. My boyfriend is avoiding talking about anything about feelings, just talks about weather, cars and work endlessly in hopes of this not coming up again. He looks me in the eyes and says I love you in a way that says...please just leave this alone and be happy. I really am trying to, I for the longest time didnt want to get married either but that changed because I fell in love with him so much and I guess I wanted to know if he is going to be around, if this is something to build on. He has kicked me out of the house once before without warning because he felt overwhelmed, only to realize that he wants me in his life. I think a lot of trust went out the door with that incident and now I feel like it could happen at any moment. We live as if we are married, he wants commitment from me, wants me to help take care of his 4 kids, get to know and love his family and get all attached, help with the finances, plan where we are going when we get old etc...he wants all of this from me without commiting. I think I can get past the not marrying part eventually if he helps me through it, but because he is scared to talk about it he is not there for me for that either.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (22 September 2009):
Look at him and think of life without him. Listen to your heart. Then you'll have the answer you're looking for. x
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A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (22 September 2009):
 Talk to him about his views on marriage before you discard him! Lots of people just dont think marriage is that important these days, and I for one think that its unnecessary to adopt the labels of husband and wife, so long as both people in the relationship are clear that theyre in it to last.Good luck. :) xx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 September 2009):
 Are you better off with him or without him? Once you answer that truthfully you'll have your answer.
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