A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is strange, can someone tell me why I don't like to have an orgasm? I enjoy sex enough, but hate to have an orgasm. It honestly does not feel good to me at all. My guy doesn't understand at all and thinks he is not satisfying me because he doesn't think it's possible to not like to. Help?
View related questions:
orgasm Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): thank you doublem...i think we both agree on that point. ~white flag~ :) mal
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (28 July 2010):
 Well "marriedlady" may not much like my input, but I think her submission is superb. Still, I insist that orgasm, whether on the part of a male or a female, includes an element of "surrender" that may be somewhat uncomfortable to some individuals - but it's part of the enjoyment.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): Spoken like a true man.:) I should clarify, that for a woman there or orgasms...Orgasms...and ORGASMS. Im not professional as such but i have been having them for 28 years now. For a man, there is ORGASM...and then catching your breath, and then usually sleep...(im using an" at night sex before sleep" scenario) A man can be snoring well before the wet spot dries. He is happy, and he is sated, and all is right with his world. I love that about a man. They are easy to please and its all pretty simple really. I will say that their O's do vary in intensity and pleasure...whether it was vaginal or a bj. Some men get off better with one or the other, usually better with a BJ but all in all its all really good for them. A woman on the other hand and her O's are much more complex. We are emotionally involved as well as physical. Thats why you hear women say she has trouble cumming but you dont hear many men say that. If they can get it up, they usually cum...and i am for this post using cum and O as one and the same. A woman who can cum vaginally, has wonderful O's, especially when they can be timed to peak with the man involved. Its usually a happy feeling...nice, and everyone likes them. the mans body is next to the womans and she feels safe and protected..it is comfortable for them both. The woman has full control of herself and her emotions... I would call this a orgasm.... if by chance you cum by g-spot and clitorially at the same time it can become very intense...almost to the point of pain. The mans body is usually pretty close to the womans, and there is a feeling of safety still there. For a woman, there is still some control and i call it an Orgasm. Its a place of some loss of emotions, getting louder than you realize, and can leave you very happy, but someimes triggers a sadness also. and then there is the ORGASM... I mostly experience this with oral sex...fingers and tongue involved...at this point a woman is naked, legs open, man towering over her...in general not close as in body to body...he is watching her face, exploring or doing what he already knows works. there is no greater feeling of vulnerability for me. it is a total loss of control and power....and the ORGASM is so strong that I really lose control. It is a little while before it dawns on me that those noised are coming from my throat and when it is over, i couldn't stand on my legs if i had too. This is the orgasm that i find a bit scary, but in fact its the one i want. It makes me cry, it makes me laugh, i have no idea before hand what emotions will surface. Today at 44 i am comfortable giving that power and control to my hubby... i trust and love him and i gladly give him the power to do this to me. but i well recall earlier days when these powerful feelings, the vulnerability, and the pure intensity of these feelings and emotions were so overwhelming that they were really a little bit scary, and something i wasnt prepared to deal with on a daily basis. So yes an orgasm is wonderful....but its also overwhelming at times depending on the intensity and the situation. i hope this has added some clarity and not muddied the waters even more. I gave a general synopsis which of course is varied for us all. There are many other factors, i didnt go into all of them. This is not how it is always for me, but i think it covers the generalities. I wouldnt say that i am the expert, but i dont think i am the only woman to have felt these feelings either. I dont think every woman feels every emotion that i described and maybe someone else could add more insight, but in general i think this is close to a lot of us and how we either feel or have at some point felt. mal
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (27 July 2010):
Yes, it is a "loss of control" so to speak. That's why an orgasm is so liberating, whether by a man or a woman. It is a momentary surrender of control, if only for seconds. Try to think of it as a cleansing of the mind and body that should be accepted. An orgasm refreshes.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): Sorry, I should clarify. It's not pain I feel, and yes, I know it is an orgasm. I just don't enjoy the feeling. I think you guys might have hit it with the loss of control thing. I'll work on it. Thank you :)
...............................
A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (27 July 2010):
 I CAN RELATE.
I enjoy orgasms EXCEPT when they are SOOO extreme that I feel out of control, however I feel like to solve that I just need to be COMPLETELY comfortable with who I'm sleeping with.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): The only thing that i can think of is that it is scary to lose control. A small orgasm is fun but an intense orgasm is...well intense and its a total loss of control. There are certain things that my husband does, that I have a hard time relaxing enough to orgasm, simply because it is a massive loss of control...and I do like to be in control of myself. (my orgasms and his...hehehe) So many things in life are out of our control, and make us feel so helpless...our bodies are the only thing that we can even come close to controlling...and even then they tend to betray us sometimes.
I have found if you can learn to relax, and go with the feelings, and allow the orgasm to come...it is so worth the loss. Giving someone else that power, while a little scary, takes some trust. I have learned to trust my body with the man I love, and he has never betrayed that trust. It takes time with some of us, but when we get there, it is so amazing we just cant get enough. :) lol
good luck sweetie, mal
...............................
A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (27 July 2010):
 Is it painful when you think you have an orgasm? A little clarification on what you feel would help.
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (27 July 2010):
Well I agree that this seems odd. Please try to explain in greater detail why you dislike orgasms . . .
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): I think he might be right - but there are many girls who cannot have orgasms at all because they cannot let go and be comfortable in that surreal orgasmic state. You might have a less extreme case where you are comfortable enough to have an orgasm but not comfortable to enjoy it. It could be because you don't feel pretty, confident, or some other internal feeling which doesn't let you let go and just have fun. On the other hand, you might just have had a bad experience with sex and don't feel like sharing it with everyone. There are many ways people can learn to associate negative things with positive feelings and positive things such as your orgasm with negative feelings. I knew a girl who enjoyed cutting herself....a pure example.You have 3 options:1) you learned too hate orgasms from a previous trauma2) you dont feel particularly confident about something and its causing you to hate orgasms3) you just dont like this guyhope this helps
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 July 2010):
 You're odd. That's the only explanation I find.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): I guess if you're not familiar with the feeling it could be making you feel weird. Though I suggest getting professional help.
...............................
|
