A
male
age
30-35,
*inetiesKid
writes:Hi, I've been single for nearly a year now and I want to get out there again but I don't want anything too serious as I have a very bad track record of relationships, therefore I am severely put off for the time being. I have told my friend that I want to start meeting new people and he wasn't very supportive - he said the first thing I need to do is cut my 'bonnet' (hair) which knocked my confidence down quite a lot.See, I DO have long, somewhat messy hair but that is who I am and taking that away changes who I really am. Ultimately, my question is this: should I do what he says and meet a potentially shallow girl who doesn't take me for who I am? Any comments would be appreciated as I am not getting much support from my friends, thank you, Liam.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 Ok, due note taken : you hair is clean.
But- having great looking long hair takes time ( and a dedication worth perhaps of a better cause:). You can't just let them grow and let them be any which way. Natural curls look wonderful, if yours instead just look "messy" maybe your hair is brittle, or too thin, or you have split ends, or it's too porous and absorb too much humidity etc.etc. You need to hydrate condition trim restructure or whatnot, according to the problem.
Moral, if you don't have naturally " good " hair, thick,docile and with good texture, keeping your mane in shape does take effort , and if you don't feel like doing it ( I woudn't blame you !) perhaps you should opt for a short(ish) style showing your features to your best advantage.
A
male
reader, NinetiesKid +, writes (6 April 2011):
NinetiesKid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI assure everyone that my hair us clean, I wash it 4-5 times a week. By messy. I meant that's how my hair grows, it's not from lack of maintenance, I have somewhat curly hair which looks kinda messy.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (6 April 2011):
Hair style is a code , same as dress is a code.
Hair is NOT what you are, you'd be exactly the same , same personality, same ideas even if you'd shave your head. But
it's a way by which you send a message about yourself to your environment, a way by which you advertise yourself.
So, be careful what messages you are sending.
I think it's the "messy " part that keeps girls away.
Long hair has a connotation of sexy, badass, rebel, or at least " different ", someone who is confident, original, independent.
And that may be attractive .
But messy, as in oily, stringy, bushy,unkempt- send another message. Like " lazy slob " or " does not take care of himself = low self esteem ". Or they'll give off a vibe of " mentally deranged Vietnam vet ".
Long hair , both on men and women, only make sense if you have time and patience to proper take care of them and keep them always healthy, shiny, and clean. Otherwise, much better a good short cut.
Remember Axel Rose from Gun and Roses ? He was the poster boy for bad ass rocker and he sure did not have any trouble getting chicks- but his hair, wow- just perfect :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): Just out of curiosity, how does cutting your hair change who you are? Cutting your hair doesn't mean going short. It could just be getting a trim or shaping the style you already have. I like guys with long hair and most of my boyfriends have had long hair. But then again you can keep it long but even so you want to have a style that fits your hair type and face the best right? So if you do need a haircut it might not be to chop off all your hair but maybe get some layers or take some ends off, keep it long but get it shaped so that it looks good. You know? I mean I don't know what it looks like now so I can't say...just sayin...
But anyways what is your friend like? You both have different styles? If so then don't worry what he thinks. Has your appearance prevented you from getting chicks in the past? If not then you musn't worry what he thinks. Turn it into a joke, tell him you will not cut your hair, that he is straight bugging and then ask him to join you for a drink somewhere. That way you both can go out and meet girls.
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 I think you need to stop seeing long, messy hair as "who you are," or even part of it. It's just hair.
Think of it this way: if a girl loves your personality, knows you, understands you, and cares about you, but finds long hair (or short hair) unattractive, does that mean she rejects you as a person? Does it make her shallow?
Look, a higher proportion of women like short hair than long hair on guys, so if you're just looking to play a numbers game, cut it off.
Ultimately, though, the hair is not what wins them over - it's your attitude, in life and everything. If having long hair makes you more confident, more outgoing, and more prone to fun and excitement than short hair, you're better off keeping it; if it makes no difference on those parts of your personality, it doesn't matter what you do with it - either keep it, or cut it off to play the numbers.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 April 2011):
 It depends on the type of woman you are looking for. Of course you'll not have luck if you're seeking women who are into more of the shorter neater look. However, there are women out there who like rugged and long hair.
I would make a suggestion, though. There's long hair, and then there's bed head. Looking like you just rolled out of bed and threw on some wrinkled clothes isn't the best way to attract anything but flies.
It takes more effort to take care of your hair the longer it is. Every girl can tell you that. I personally love long hair, but still well groomed, clean and styled. Long, stringy, messy or oily hair is a turn off. Unfortunately, short hair masks many of those things. It's just the way it is.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (6 April 2011):
If you don't want to cut your hair for someone else, it could be a good idea to instill a little more confidence in yourself. This is coming from a guy whose always had shaggier hair. When it was time to get a job, I got it trimmed a good amount, found a new style, and was surprised to find it really worked on me. I was happy with it and my confidence spiked.But hey, some girls like the shaggier/long hair look. I'm not saying you need to change yourself to appease someone else. In fact, I'm saying do whatever you need to in order to boost your own confidence. If a haircut could do that for you, why not?Hair grows back anyways :) That's the beauty of it. No harm in giving it a shot for a few months.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): My boyfriend has long hair but to be honest i wish he would get it cut short like it was when we first met.i think men look better with short hair.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): If you don't want to part with your hair, don't Some women will mind it, some won't. You said it was "messy." I would suggest washing it once in a while and brushing and trimming it regularly if you don't already.I've had a quite a few male friends who hung onto their hair into their twenties. They all got it cut eventually, not for women so much, but typically for a job or school interview. I don't have anything against the look and I even dated someone at your age with long hair, but some people believe long hair on a man makes the man look "less serious" and potentially immature. There's also the question of the long hair flattering your face or not. I've found it tends to look better on men with broader, masculine faces: big jaw line and squarish head shape. If you have a smaller face and aren't so mannish in the face, you can end up being mistaken for a chick. I've seen it happen.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): First off I love long(ish) hair, I think its incredibly f**king sexy.Secondly dont cut it because someone else said to, if you like it yourself and its who you are...Keep It!!!Plus you will find a girl who likes it...I sure as hell know Id like it =)
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A
female
reader, Yetilicious +, writes (6 April 2011):
 Everyone has different tastes, some people like a shaved head, some people like a military cut, some like dreds, others like the shaggy long hair...it all really just depends on the person. I can say that someone's hair wouldn't matter to me at all as long as I loved his personality, and as long as it wasn't dirty, smelled bad, or he had a massive case of dandruff.
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