A
male
age
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anonymous
writes:In a relationship over three years sex only once in three months ,she know i want it but she comes up with all these excuses , and women wonder why men cheat, am tired of doing my self, so am i suppose to tell her , i need sex , or am going to get it else where, she says its over if i do, and whenwe do have sex its me doing everything , only on top, oral, i get her off, she only does me maybe a minute , and maybe the head in her mouththats it, she says she would gage, but she never has tried farther, I've never done , but she can put a popsicle along ways in her mouth, so do i leave her cause no sex, she says i should be slowly down, but i can still get it up like am in my twenties Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2020): You sound like a very arrogant, unworldly, selfish man. No wonder she wants sex now and then. No doubt you are crap at it and while you are banging away at her she is counting the seconds staring at the ceiling preferring to go over what she will do tomorrow and when she will meet a more exciting and nicer man. When you go ***** and finish she is delighted, her chore is over.Has it not occurred to you that when someone only wants to do something now and then they do not enjoy it - and that has to be done to you.Your attitude and comments leave a lot to be desired.You talk about her as if she is some sort of sex slave who will get the sack if she does not perform often enough and well enough. How gross and conceited.What makes you so special?Be honest - you are old and she is old. You have no chance of getting a younger woman, not with your attitude, not at your age and certainly not if you continue with this relationship and expect your new one to put up with being a bit on the side. Women are not that desperate and dumb.If you had more charm and personality and money they might but with your lack of money and charm no way.You are staying with your girlfriend because sex now and then and having someone there is better than nothing.A reason that suits you. She is staying with you because it is easier than being single or looking for someone else, but she does not fancy you or love you, and who can blame her?You do not sound very bright if you need to ask whether or not a dead relationship should be ended? You have managed to get to the ripe old age of *** and you have to ask us? Why can you not figure this out for yourself?You see when a woman knows a relationship is boring or pointless she finds something about it that makes it worth sticking with. Often it is living with a guy in his house and spending his money. Sometimes it is having someone around for practical things. Sometimes it is loneliness. But none of it is because you are specialor loveable or desired. Women are pragmatic.You are also being pragmatic because there is something in it for you to stay with her.But you come running to us like a little boy at school running to head teacher saying teacher, teacher please help me, this other kid will not play with me,as if we can force her to do what you want ! how weird is that?She is her own person. At her age she will have had great sex with at least one other man in the past. She may very much wish she was still with him. But she has to put up with all of the bad stuff and negatives of being with you instead. What she does not have to put up with is kissing you, cuddling you, having sex with you of any sort, because she is her own person.That is the trouble with relationships. If you are no good at romance, charm, being nice to women, you get nothing from them. Other than maybe a clean shirt and a home cooked meal.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2020): I think the relationship has run its course. Sometimes women will hold onto mates they aren't physically attracted to; because they shun loneliness, and they're used to having someone loyal for companionship and protection. She might hate sex with you, but it's still nice to have a strong-man around the house. Someone to share household expenses, and to help pay the bills. You are probably long past your expiration-date; and a marriage-proposal is long over-due! No ring, no fling!
She might be ready to settle-down, and you ain't the one! If you're in your 50's or 60's (or older); she's probably expecting more, and not planning on growing-old as your perpetual-girlfriend! Until you decide to trade her in for a newer model, once gravity has taken its toll on her body! Sex will get pretty scarce, my friend!
She may have come to the realization that you don't really turn her on, and her feelings have become platonic; or over the span of time she has lost desire for sex, but you've been a faithful-friend. There are also health reasons that may be affecting her sex-drive. She's obviously not the kinky type of female; so you're demanding her to do things you want that she doesn't like to do. No-one is obligated to do sexual-acts they find disgusting; just because you demand them to! The main objective behind intimacy is mutual-pleasure!
If every-time you have sex, she is expected to do things she hates to do...and she finds them gross; put two and two together Einstein!
Some women find male genitalia ugly to look at; and don't like putting a penis in their mouths. What comes out is even less desirable! They still like sex! All guys don't like performing oral-sex on women. Different strokes for different folks! You're obviously not sexually-compatible, dude! Sometimes it starts-out fine, but then it changes.
Bottom-line...we like what we like, and we don't like what we don't!
If she has consistently avoided or shied-away from sex, or performing certain sex-acts; she may not be all that wild about your taste in sex-play. She did what she had to do to get herself a man. Now she has one, and she feels she can chill a bit!
It is likely you satisfy or supply some practical needs in her life; but sex isn't necessarily one of them. It might be because you're not that great in bed. Your male-ego or pride would never allow you to accept such an assessment from a woman; so she can't tell you that to your face! Maybe she has, but you don't care!
If you are a good-provider, handy with tools, can fix a car; yet she has lost sexual-attraction towards you, she could be hanging-on to you for all the other great benefits she receives for keeping you around. Judging by your grammar, spelling, and sentence-structure; you're the average-Joe and manly-guy. A rugged no-nonsense kind of fella. You also come across as crude and somewhat mean.
If you have become so frustrated and resentful of her, and she seems to have friend-zoned you; I think it might be time to consider breaking it off. You can't force yourself on any woman. Insisting people perform sexual-acts they do not enjoy feels somewhat like rape; or they're doing it against their will.
Without knowing your age, or hearing her side of this; I will give her some benefit of the doubt. You didn't show your age for a reason; and you may have written DC before about the same problem. You may not have liked the responses you got the first-time or two. I've been around awhile, my friend, and I know all the tricks!
Make sure your hygiene is top-notched! Dress nice and look sexy. Compliment her and make her feel sexy. Try some kissing and tender foreplay. Don't just jump on it.
If your sexual organs are sweaty, cheesy, and smelly, no...she will not want to have sex with you!!!
If you don't shower regularly, or you are laxed on your oral-hygiene; she will be appalled and disgusted when it's time for intimacy. If you are mean, bossy, and a bully...or you never tell her she's pretty, buy her little tokens of affection, lovingly tease her with jokes and cuddles, always forget birthdays and special occasions; and you're only nice when you want sex. NO...you won't get a lot of sex from any woman! If you have considered cheating, and go as far as threatening to do so; you bet it's over! It might already be over, and you just haven't caught-up with current-events!
From what you've described, and the way you've described it; maybe she does want to breakup with you. If she knows you'll refuse to leave if she asked you to; then she will freeze you out until you will decide to go. She may have never really liked you; but you came along when she was too lonely and desperate to pass-up the opportunity. She may have found your replacement, and she's trying to figure-out how to dump you without dealing with a nasty or explosive-reaction from you.
It seems to me you're just about ready to call it quits anyhow. Maybe you're right!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (28 September 2020):
 Well that's a brutal bashing.
You really showed him.
He's so unattractive and manipulating.
Honestly this man needs to hear only one tiny bit of advice. She can't threaten you with ending the relationship. She already ended the relationship, she just neglected to inform you. When a committed romantic relationship slows down to the point that sex is less frequent than you would get as a single man (about 10 times a year (not 4)), that relationship is friends not committed romantic.
The odds are better that she is having an affair than that she really thinks you will stay for once in 3 months. Pack your stuff and get that dating profile freshened up. T
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (28 September 2020):
 There is no age on your profile but, as you mention at the end of your post that you can "still get it up" like you are in your 20s (very classy), then I assume you would need a high powered telescope to see your 20s. Assuming, therefore, that the lady in question is of a similar age to you (guessing 50s/60s), then it is entirely possible her lack of sex drive is down to the menopause. The menopause plays havoc with many women's hormones and sex drives, not to mention with their wellbeing and mental health. Little wonder, therefore, that they are seldom, if ever, in the mood for sex.
I do wonder if you actually address her in the same manner in which you have written your post. Your attitude, frankly, is off-putting (and that is putting it very politely). Women need to feel loved to want sex but, if you tell her you will go elsewhere if she doesn't put out for you, then she is hardly going to feel loved and feel like having sex with you.
As for your comment comparing eating a popsicle to giving a bloke oral, you really need to try both and THEN come back and tell us there is no difference. If you are as clueless about sex in general as that comment makes you out to be, that is probably another reason why she is not interested in sex; there is probably little enjoyment in it for her. (Just because you give her oral does not automatically make you something special. Some men are, frankly, dreadful at giving oral, basing it entirely on what they see in porn films instead of asking their partner what works for them.)
Bottom line here is that you two have very different agendas, very different needs. I wonder why you are still hanging in there when you are not getting something from the relationship which is very important to you?
If sex is that important to you, and you are in the age group I have guessed (or older), I would suggest trying to find yourself a younger girlfriend who still has a high sex drive and let your current girlfriend find someone who is not as sexually driven as you are. There is no point in staying together if you are both not happy.
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 September 2020):
 If it's not working out for you and your needs aren't met, move on.
You can't MAKE her WANT more sex.
As to the giving head versus a popsicle that is the dumbest (sorry) thing I have ever heard. I'd wager that most women can put a whole popsicle in their mouth and not gag, because 1. it melts 2. it's cold 3. it's much thinner in circumference than a penis 4. it taste really good. 5. it smells really good.
Not everyone likes to give head. Not every guy/woman taste good. And not everyone has the non gag reflex.
But that is all besides the point. You want something SHE is willing to give. Which means she isn't right for you, so move on. So you BOTH can find someone who is a better fit.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (28 September 2020):
It sounds as if you are incompatible sexually. If she is not willing to change that and sex on a more regular basis is important to you, then yes you need to break up.
However I will say this. If you speak to your partner the way you worded your post then I’m not surprised. Men who demand sex as a ‘need’ and threaten to go elsewhere if they are not serviced as often as they’d like are the biggest turn off. Women get turned on by being desired by their partners, both physically and for who they are as a woman. Not as a means to an end.
Do you make her feel like you want and desire her? Like she’s the sexiest person you’ve ever met? And by that I don’t mean leering or groping her, but by being loving and attentive in a way she would like/respond to? If not that’s likely where you’re going wrong.
I’m sure I’ll have men arriving soon to state that it’s unfair that it’s always the man that has to change to accommodate the way the woman feels and not the other way around. Which may be fair... but the fact is you are the one who wants things to change. She doesn’t. Throwing a tantrum, demanding what you feel you should get in a relationship and threatening to cheat if you don’t get it won’t get you anywhere at all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2020): Why have you waited so long? She is not suitable for you. You have different needs. If I was in you shoes I would have dumped her long ago. I once dated a lady who thought that dates should be platonic. Our dates was limited to dinners museums traveling sightseeing and me always doing the paying. not even holding hands was permitted. Needless to say it didn't last long.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 September 2020):
 Some posters are indeed unlucky - life is not fair....
From his spelling and punctuation ,I'd swear that this poster is an old acquantaince; he used to write us because his problem was that he was a true romantic , affectionate suitor and could not find a lady who'd appreciate his OTT romantic gestures. Now he seems to have gone to the other end... no romance, very sexual, very pragmatical , to-the-point ....and still he can get no satisfaction.
Anyway , whoever the OP may be- I'd say that you and your partner are sexually incompatible and it's a waste of time to pretend you are not. Your sexual wants and needs are widely different ; and while I can imagine that if your sex drive is still high, getting sex, and vanilla sex as for that , only every three months is not enough, -then again your ladyfriend , if she is in your age range, probably does not see the point and the use of changing her sexual style and sexual habits if they worked well for her so far. I am not saying that " you can't teach an old dog new tricks "- more, that the old dog does not feel the need to make big efforts and sacrifices .. just to please another dog. After a certain age, for many women having a partner is an indulgence, not a necessity. Like, say, buying a Persian rug. If it fits well with the current decor of her house, fine, it's a nice addition- if she has to rearrange all her furniture and colour schemes around it, then no , it's not worth the trouble.
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