A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm having a birthday party soon.I have to restrict numbers because of budget.Some of the people coming are frinds of my gf- I've been with her for 10 years.There's one particular guy I can't stand. He often makes digs at me, and although never declared, we just don't like each other.I think he's really unpleasant. For instance, he made a comment about a big fire in England that killed 90 (maninly) immigrants.He said " I couldn't give a s**t about any of them". Clearly a racist.He and his wife have had big parties to which I've gone , only because of my gf.My gf thinks its unthinkable not to invite him (and by extension, his wife)- his wife is fine,in fact.So do I have the right not to invite them to my party which I'm paying for, or do i have to invite them out of respect to my gf? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2019): If you don't like this guy, invite him to the party, talk to him, and tell him bluntly. If he says the same to you, you can tell him that this is the last party you throw that he's invited to attend. If he makes an attempt to be nicer, keep inviting him in later years. Just invite him, and be blunt about how you feel about him. Honesty leads to a truth. You'll be able to decide after his answer.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (31 July 2019):
 You could have declined going to HIS parties, regardless of your GF.
I think you can decide WHO you want to invite and who you don't. But I find it VERY petty that you go to HIS parties and then don't want to invite him.
It's NOT like you HAVE to spend time with him only at your party, if he is being obnoxious, excuse your self and walk away, talk to other people.
If you went to HIS parties to PLEASE your GF, why not PLEASE her with inviting him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2019): It's your party and you get to choose your guests. If you invite him, it would not be because you wanted to; it would be to pacify your girlfriend. All the while you'll be totally disgusted by his very presence. It would completely poison your mood; and you'd be a total hypocrite.
A party is to celebrate and to welcome those you hold dear and in high-esteem. It's nice his wife is a lovely person, but that doesn't change him...now does it? A confirmed-racist and known-hater will never cross my threshold by invitation.
Let your girlfriend invite him to her next party, and pretend you don't mind. Why would she knowingly want to invite someone you don't like anyway? What's-up with that?
Take your balls out of her purse, and put them back in the pouch where they belong!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2019): Let's keep this simple. Don't invite him and don't go to anymore of his parties.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (31 July 2019):
Do not invite anyone to your if you dislike him or her. Of course you need to stop attending his parties. If your lady friend insist on going to a party thrown by a disagreeable racist let her go by herself.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 July 2019):
 Right now you don't have much of a moral ground to say anything because you've been to this guy's parties so it just makes your look like a petulant child when you don't want to return the favour by inviting him to yours.
Invite him this one last time then tell your girlfriend that as far as you're concerned, you'll have nothing more to do with that guy. She can maintain her friendships as she likes but she shouldn't force you to like her friends and/or socialize with them. And stop going to parties thrown by these people.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (30 July 2019):
 You dislike this guy, but ,apparently , not enough to avoid joining his parties, eating his food ,and drinking his booze , uh ?
So , when it's his turn to pay, you can , somehow, at least marginally tolerate his personality and his opinions. And when it's YOUR turn to pay- then, no- there you draw a line and take a firm stand.
Interesting. And very convenient for you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (30 July 2019):
 You have the "right" to invite who you want to your party, especially as you are paying. It is YOUR birthday party so you should be able to invite the friends you WANT to be there.
However, life is seldom that simple and straight forward and you need to weigh up if your girlfriend's displeasure is going to be worth your making a stand and not inviting this guy.
I would be tempted to try to work it so that you can explain to your girlfriend, "Look, I have only xx amount of money. If I invite THIS guy, I cannot invite THIS guy, who I would really love to be at my party" and hope she goes with it.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (30 July 2019):
 I agree with Aunty BimBIm however I think calling this guy out when he speaks of things you find offensive is well over due. Not suggesting you have a go at him but just make it known you don't appreciate it. Hope your birthday is an an enjoyable event for you
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (30 July 2019):
 I'm assuming you go to his parties because your girlfriend gets invited.
Do you and your girlfriend live together, if you do then the party could be considered to be given by both of you and so then yes, your girlfriend would need to invite them. If you and your girlfriend DON'T live together then its YOUR party and YOUR guest list, in which case you can leave him off the invite list.
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