A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My ex and met online game site 3 years and we hit it off. However, after 5 months he broke it off because he felt like we don’t live within reasonable distance to support a relationship. We live 5 hours away from each other of driving distance. We still kept seeing each other because we couldn’t let go. We wanted to be together but in practice there was a great distance separating us Then he ended it again because he lost feelings, according to him. We ceased contact only for him to reappear stating he misses me then we started seeing each gain. He went cold again and ended it again for the same reason, the distance. We would reconnect and hangout over a period of 3 years until things started going downhill. He started bailing out in the last minutes arrangement to meet up and he became distance. Then he claimed he lost his job and can’t visit me. He withdrew but I kept contacting him and he ended up telling me that he needed space. i reached out again after 2 months only to learn he met someone local. I decided to move.Then he reached out again and we reconnected. It became a wash and rinse repeat cycle. He would reach out stating he misses me. Once the excitement wears off goes cold, bail on our plans to meet in person. Rinse and repeat. I finally had enough last time when he dropped me because of the same reason, distance and ignored my attempts to contact him. We didn’t talk for 5 years because I deactivated my face book profile and changed my number. He had no way to contact me.I reactivated it this year and within a month he opened a new face book account and messaged me claiming he has been looking for me all these years and he feels like he is dreaming. he misses me alot.And left his number to message him. Can things work out this time around? I had forgotten about him but hearing from him brought up old memories. I haven’t responded. But the curiosity is getting the best out of me. Has anyone had that ex that wouldn’t stay gone? We haven’t seen each other in person for the last 5 years because every time we make plans he doesn’t follow through. something always comes up
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lost his job, met online, online game, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2019): The anonymous male-reader pretty much summed it up. If there is a available-sex with a person you've dumped or ditched a few times; but you can still re-hookup...you hold-on to it. He has dumped you and comeback a few times; so he thinks he has you figured-out. When a dry-spell rolls-around, he thinks of you. That's when distance doesn't matter. Once he has had his fill of romping in the sack, and he's bored with you, you'll get ditched yet again.
OP's often claim they have no intention of contacting these out-of-the-blue exes; but curiosity and loneliness (or horniness) gets the better of them. He'll send you some sappy sweet-talk, flirt, make you feel he's been suffering in your absence, and you'll soften. He's getting to you, so you wrote a post.
Being ditched one-time was more than enough for me. Nobody will ever get a second-change to do that to me. If I happen to run into my ex, it would be an honor to introduce him to the one he predicted I would do better. He's a zillion times better, and waaaay better-looking than the ex who dumped me!
He told me I could do better; and I did!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2019): Five years? Girlfriend...seriously?!!
When you're getting recycled by an ex, it means they can count on you when things are slow. You fill the void and empty spaces in their love-life; and you're an old-reliable when they need attention. Nothing serious, you'll do in a pinch! Then you'll get ditched when things pick-up!
Exes should remain exes. Is your love-life so stagnant that you've always got time and space for this nuisance? The only memories they should bring-up is why they became exes!!!
Use your special powers to delete and block! Simple solution.
You're older and wiser now. You don't need anybody's advice.
Appeal to your common-sense and do whatever she tells you to do! Stop ignoring your common-sense, you don't need us to tell you what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@CindyCares , we haven't had contact for the last 5 years at all since he had no way to contact me. We had zero contact. However we haven't seen each other in person for the last 2 years when we were on the on and off phase because he would always bail or sothing would always come up. His first contact was on skype in January. i rarely log in so i didn't see his message until few months later. I blocked him and thought he probably moved on and was just bored. Then I reactivate my face book only for him to contact me using a fresh page within a month. I didn't respond. then he opens another page with different name to contact me again stating he's been searching for me all this years and is over the moon he found me And no, I'm not planning to contact him back. I have to admit hearing from him has open old wounds. And all the painful memories came rushing back to me. i was doing fine without him so him and had forgotten about him so him reaching out is actually pissing me off at this point. I have had exes who break it off and never hear from them again which works better in the long runI just find it odd why he keeps coming back knowing there a great distance seperating us and shows little to no interest to make it work.Is he just not mature? Insane? Sadistic person who is getting off this?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2019): You see OP the geographical distance is to far to manage, but after a time of getting no local sex the either he will reach out or you will reach out to the other to get that fantastic sex, which you two share. Neither of you has a memory, and you both keep falling into the Getting Some Strange Trap, again and again and again and again! Neither of you desire a lasting and meaningful relationship, because just look at how many years that you two have been jerking each other around! Not even sure why you wrote into DC, because you will not listen and take any sound advice! You both will keep wasting each others time, then wonder how love and life have passed you by. You stand a better chance of walking on the moon, than this coming to fruitian!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (30 July 2019):
 Honestly, OP
You know what will happen. He will be all excited about you for a while and then break it off citing distance or whatnot, then go silent and come back to you when he has nothing better to do.
STOP wasting your time on a man who doesn't REALLY want you. You are only his "love-interest" when he has nothing else going on.
FIND someone local who WANTS to be with you.
Block him on Facebook. Move on.
How many times are you going to let this guy hurt you with his push and pull? Do you ENJOY being dumped over and over?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 July 2019):
 There's something I did not quite understand.
First you say that you have had no contact with this man for the past 5 year because, fed up of his antics, you deactivated your FB accont and changed phone no, so he had no way to reach you.
Then you say , we haven't seen each other in person for the last 5 years because every time we make plans he does not follow through and something always come up.
That would read to me as if attempts have been repeatedly made, from either side or both , to get together in the last 5 years. ???
Never mind , though. It boils down to : no, don't do it. Don't respond. Curious ? Are you curious about what, for Pete's sake ? By now, you know perfectly how's the drill- the rinse and repeat cycle, as you call it. You know what they say : first time, shame on you- second time ( but in your case, 5th or 6th or ? time ) . shame on me...
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (30 July 2019):
 Yes definitely it will work this time, why wouldn’t it? I mean it’s gone so well in the past every other time right?
How can you not see for yourself that this isn’t working? He is a flake, you make plans and he drops out every time, he is a waste of time and effort.
Block him and move on with your life
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2019): Reminds me of a friend I have where she dated a man a few short months and he then started messing her around. For over two years now he keeps contacting her then bailing out last minute and he is a thirty minute drive away. I don't understand for the life of me why she keeps bothering and your scenario is the same.If it was meant to work it would have done years ago. Let him go, your own post shows clearly you know this is just a repeat cycle with the same outcome each time
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (30 July 2019):
 The universe sends us people to teach us lessons. If we don't learn the lesson, the universe will keep sending that person (or another similar person) until we finally learn the lesson.
Unless you have left out something critical in your post, like that one of you is going to move to live nearer the other one, then why are you even giving this guy head space? On what planet do you think you will get your fairy tale ending this time around? Why would this time be any different?
You both need to move on and find REAL partners. Your post does make me wonder if one (or both) of you are actually reluctant to have a real relationship, hence why you keep coming back to this non-relationship. At some point one of you needs to say "ENOUGH!" and stop this madness. It is like reading the same book over and over again and expecting a different ending.
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