A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I can't decide whether or not to have a boob job! I have really small boobs and so does everyone else in my family and there's no hope of them growing anymore (I'm a 32A/AA). For ages now I've been thinking about getting a boob job but I still don't know what the right thing to do is. It's badly affecting my relationships, whenever someone starts flirting or seeming like they're interested, I back off and withdraw as I can't stand the thought of them seeing my boobs and being disappointed. I've been single for years now because of this.So the obvious answer is to just have surgery but I'm worried that they'll look really unnatural given the fact there's not much there to work with as it is. My other problem (and I'm sorry if this is TMI) is that I'm terrified I'll lose sensitivity (I've looked into it, had consultations and there is a fairly high chance of that happening). To be blunt I can orgasm from just my breasts being touched in about 5 mins and multiple times. I can orgasm other ways but they're weaker and take ALOT more effort. This probably all seems really shallow and maybe it is but I feel like I have to choose between having a relationship and finding sex a chore or having orgasms but no partner. I can't decide which sacrifice to make. I'm sure lots of people will say accept your body but I can't, I've tried but I hate it with a passion and I don't think there is anything on earth that will change that.
View related questions:
boobs, breasts, flirt, orgasm Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2011): Thanks for the answer aunt earnest, I have decided against a boob job for now.
@chigirl, I said the majority of men, not all and I still think that's true.
A
female
reader, aunt earnest  +, writes (5 November 2011):
 I also have tiny boobs (I'm practically flat...sigh) so I know how you feel. It is really frustrating. Things don't fit like they should, people look at you differently, I get it. Men like big boobs, generally, it is true. But some men like small breasts, especially if they are sensitive like yours are. Don't think about the size of your breasts, think about the pleasure they could give you and your potential partner. Fake boobs are most certainly NOT better than small boobs. They are hard and wierd and not nearly as fun for you. You could wear a push up bra to emphasize your breasts. I suggest you do not get a boob job. It would be something you would regret later. Once you find a man, wouldn't you rather have him like you for you and not your boobs? And think of the fun you would miss out on if you lost sensitivity in your most sensitive spot!
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 November 2011):
 Ok, that's good. Because there's nothing quite as confusing as being dumped because the other person doesn't think they are good enough for you, or because they think you don't really know what you want so they'll decide for you.
I got riled up because you said all guys love bigger boobs, and they don't... If you don't want to enter a relationship because of insecurities, then that's actually a good thing for you, that you have the self knowledge to know it'd just be too much of a headache and too much worrying. Love yourself before you love someone else etc.
Just don't pass it on the guys, and say you can't be with them because they don't want a woman like you (physically speaking).
As for therapy, I can't recommend therapy enough. It works wonders. It takes a few sessions before you get comfortable with speaking openly to a complete stranger and being honest with them, but once you cross that line and get comfortable it gets great. If you don't like the first therapist you visit there is no harm in changing to another one. They help you sort through your thoughts. Help you understand the underlying causes for problems.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2011): Yes chigirl I can see you have taken this personally, I would like to point out that I don't actually get to the stage where someone has fallen in love with me or actually asks me out. It is literally if they comment on how I look in a club or ask to meet up again is when I back off. I definitely haven't initiated it or lead them on either.I used to have boyfriends when I was fairly overweight, so my boobs were about a size b then, I don't know why I suddenly have this problem now.I've decided to not go for surgery for the foreseeable future. However until I feel more comfortable about myself, I won't be getting into a relationship for the moment, it would be a living hell for me, constantly full of doubts and insecurity. I'm well aware this is due to MY insecurity but unfortunately that knowledge doesn't solve my problem. I won't get into a relationship purely to help some lonely guy out.I'll consider therapy.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (3 November 2011):
Here's some tough love for you:
"It's a fact the huge majority of men do prefer bigger boobs". So what about the men who wants big boobs. They can go and find their big boobs. What are THEY to you anyway? YOU will attract men who are attracted to YOU, small boobs and all. We can't all attract ALL sorts of men, just like not all men can attract ALL sorts of women. We all have tastes and preferences, so if a guy goes for you, I'll be darn I think it is because he actually IS attracted to YOU. Go figure. Be that when you wear padded bras or not. Remember that padded bras, corsets, make up, styled up hair, is meant to HIGHLIGHT the attributes we ALREADY have. They don't make you FAKE (unless you over-do it and look like a Barbie-doll of course), so no, guys would give you more attention because you highlight your attributes, not because you are faking bigger breasts. By heavens, I wear padded bras myself and tops that give me cleavage when I go out to party, and I don't find it fake if guys then give me more attention, than if I showed up with unwashed hair, no makeup, and an oversized hoodie. Perspective is needed here.
There's women with big boobs out there who attract men, good for them, and there are women with small boobs who attract just as many men, great for them too. But what I can't stand to see is someone who probably is perfect just the way they are, but are so shit scared of.. I dunno, rejection? So scared that they don't give guys a chance. And then with all the guys coming on here who seek love, just want someone to hold close, be close to, they hope it might be you, and you reject them... for what??? Because you aren't good enough, because your boobs aren't good enough? What gave you the right to decide what these men want. If they say they want you then with all due respect I think you need to accept that, if not for yourself then out of respect for them.
Now, yes, I am taking this a bit personally, because I've been stuck with it before. I've found men who I thought were the most amazing ever, but thanks to a rotten self image they cut the relationship short and all I can think of.. is for what reason? Here we went and had a great time together, adored each other, and then they go ahead and cut it off because they don't think they are good enough, be that because of a small frame, small boobs, not enough muscle, being overweight, or whatever. It makes me furious, to be honest. Because I would like the right to determine for MYSELF if a person is "good enough" for me. You should let men who make a move on you, men who show you interest, men who wants to be with you, you should let THEM make that decision. It's not up to you to decide if they will find you attractive or not.
It's seems a waste, a real waste, to reject someone who actually liked you. Because you have no reason to reject them at all, there's nothing at all that prevents you from being with them, and it sucks for anyone who falls in love with you to be rejected for no bloody reason. Or to be rejected because you don't think they can possibly find you beautiful. Well if they thought you were horrible they wouldn't have approached you, it's that simple.
I get upset as well because there was this other girl on here who is getting surgery to minimize her areoles. She had small ones as it was, but it wasn't small enough. She had absolutely no perspective of things, no man had even seen her breasts before and yet she was convinced they'd hate her areoles. So now she's about to mutilate her body, get scars and other discomforts, not because a man actually cares, she's about to ruin her perfect breasts because she has deep insecurities rooted in them.
And you might be leading down the same path. However you sound a lot more intelligent and reasonable than that other girl. At least you've given guys, at some point, a chance to see you naked. And they gave you orgasms. And you had great sex. And you didn't mention anywhere that any of them told you anything bad about your breasts either.
Therapy. If you don't know how to work around this yourself, then you need to go to therapy to get professional help to work through it.
Or have the surgery if that's what you need in order to give guys a chance at love with you. I think they deserve a REAL reason to get rejected, if they aren't up to par with you. If they are a-holes then reject them, if they are rude reject them, if you don't fancy them reject them, and it'll be cool. But it's a waste to reject a man, and a possible love experience, because you think you can decide if they will find you attractive or not, and judge on their behalf that they can't possibly be attracted to you. It sucks to be that guy who gets rejected because of THAT. Put yourself in their shoes.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2011): I'm the OP, thanks for all the answers.
Still don't know what to do but it looks like it would be best to wait for a bit.
To those of you who said it's me that's stopping myself getting into a relationship - you're right but I don't know how to change that. It's a fact the huge majority of men do prefer bigger boobs. @ DanceintheDark I do wear padded bras sometimes and when I do I get far more attention but I dislike it because I think they only like me now I've got bigger boobs.......so I suppose surgery might make me more paranoid. Ugh I'm so confused.
Yes my family have partners/gotten married but they're all taller and better looking.
@ battista......I have to admit you could be right about me focusing on something else. Come to think of it there's nothing I actually like...I just tolerate it. My boobs are just what I hate the most....by a long shot.
Still there's no point in lying to myself and saying I look great. How do I just accept that I look like this? I have no idea where to even begin.
Sometimes I think it'll just be easier to stay single that way I don't have to think about looks at all.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 Of course you can do whatever you want, but... I think you shouldn't change your physique just to taste somebody else's idea of how you should be.
Also (hey, I'm a little devil) I liked the "I can orgasm" part. I wouldn't change that :-), and I'm not exactly thinking of you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): My ex, whom we broke up for reasons out of our control, had very small and 'sensitive' boobs as well. She was very insecure about them generally speaking. She was, and is, the most beautiful woman on earth in my eyes. Who cares about big boobs but a shallow jerk to be honest? She had a fantastic body but small boobs, and I couldn't care less, and always gave them enough care, because they're hers. Boobs, like every other part of the body, are not regarded as separate organs, but part of that person. I cannot speak in behalf of all men, but personally speaking, as a man desired by many pretty and decent women, if I love someone I love every part of them, for being part of them! Those who wanted to date you, if they were genuine about you, would have found your boobs which you consider small and therefore repulsive, dream material! For being 'yours' nit for being big...etc.Breast augmentation "boob job" has too many negative side effects, and are generally not recommended except in two cases; replacement following breast cancer removal, or for those whose lives are suffering seriously and big time as result to psychological problems. Fortunately you're not the first, and please don't be the second.Losing sensation ENTIRELY as a side effect is a fact, but it is not, however, one of the side effects you should 'seriously' be concerned about.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 November 2011):
 I had a boob job in June. I had a mastopexy without implants. (a lift) and in the lift he had to remove and reduce the areola. His biggest concern was sensation. I thought if they weren't cutting the areola then sensation may not be the issue. Wtih me it was a huge issue.
Thankfully I kept full sensation. In fact, I have hyper sensation now and the doctor explained to me that it's because I LIKE my breasts now and did not like them larger and saggier. He sees it all the time, once he does the breast job women who felt very little nipple sensation have hypersensitivity and there is NO MEDICAL reason for it, it's all in our brains.
I went from a 48DDD at my highest to a 36DD after losing weight. Then I had the lift and went to a 34C or 36B.. so they are small and perky now for the first time in my life.
IF you don't know what to do then do NOTHING. In all seriousness. Your breasts are going to change over the years... pregnancy, nursing (or even if you don't nurse the body's prep for nursing will change your breasts).
Many men say "more than a mouthful is a waste" learn to use that as your creed. Become a card carrying PROUD member of the itty bitty titty committee... Small breasts sag less. your back hurts less, clothes are easier to buy and fit better....
have you considered working with a body image therapist to figure out whether or not to have the surgery?
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 November 2011):
 I started out with small boobs and after 3 kids it was say hello to Dolly Parton. I can only thank the Lord I didn't get an enhancement or I'd be tucking them into my pantyhose by now.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 Wow, OP, so you can orgasm in 5 minutes and multiple times just by touching your breasts ? But that's like having a magic wand ! It's like having a super power ! If I were like you, I'd never ever risk losing it.
You will have orgasms AND a partner. Many men don't care about breast size, they like them all large and small, some men actually prefer smaller breasts. True ,if you get breast implants you can expand your range of potential suitors to also include "big boobs only " types... but is this slight advantage worth losing your super power ??
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (2 November 2011):
I don't think the obvious answer is to have surgery. I think the obvious answer is to have therapy to work on your self esteem and find out the reasons why you withdraw from relationships and prevent yourself from entering one. Because thats the real problem here.
Now, I'm not a fan of plastic operation. I don't think people should have them unless it is necessary for your health of for reconstruction (if you've been in an accident, or had breast cancer, excess skin removal etc.). I say this because with surgery, no matter the routine procedure, there is always a risk. You can get an infection, something can go wrong, allergic reactions to anesthetics, complications, malpractice, losing sensitivty etc. Just too many risks if you ask me!
Plus.. your breasts will feel fake. I've touched fake breasts and they stand out in an unnatural way and feel.. hard sort of.
Oh and you're a lucky girl who can orgasm just from your breasts being touched! Very lucky. That is RARE. For many women, including myself, orgasm are difficult and stressful and close to impossible to achieve. So you're one lucky girl and I really don't think a boob job is worth the risk of losing that.
Plus, any guy would think it's a lot sexier to have you orgasm just from touching your breasts, than to see two fake melons.
...............................
A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (2 November 2011):
OP, from what you have written it does not seem that any men have been put off by you having 32a breasts. It seems that the problem is your reaction to men being attracted to you.
You need to work on your self-esteem and your body image. I bet you look amazing. But, you have centred all your self-confidence and criticism onto your breasts. I think you are mistaken if you think that everything is going to get better simply because you have a breast enlargement. If you have a tendency towards being critical of your body then I would think that you might begin to focus on something else which you are not happy with instead.
I have the same size chest as you, and I used to think they were really small and not very attractive. But, my other half thinks the exact opposite. They suit my frame and they are in proportion, so I have grown to like them; what's more I have such a small upper body that I would look unbalanced if I had much done about them. They are also good for doing sports. Having said that, I am hoping that when I have kids they will naturally increase a bit in size as well, but if not, well, there we go.
You need to realise that men will not be disappointed if they were to see your chest. I mean, presumably if someone gets to know you and sees you on a regular basis he will be pretty familiar with the sort of figure you have anyway. By the time you get as far as someone seeing your boobs do you really think someone is not going to be happy about what they see? Of course they'll be happy! Because you're a whole package, not just a pair or boobs. Men aren't just concerned about boobs and nothing else.
Please thing seriously before you go through with the surgery. I am sure you have a beautiful figure.
...............................
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (2 November 2011):
 As an adult, you are entitled to make your own choices, of course, and I certainly do not think that a boob job is degrading or any such thing, BUT
Why would you want to give up that sort of sensitivity? Women in general have an incredibly difficult time having orgasms and here you are - lucky you - with these superbly sensitive boobs...
Besides y'know, if you keep your waist trim, small boobs can make for a very sharp figure.
...............................
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (2 November 2011):
You have a third option...learn to accept yourself as you are. Please find the strength and confidence within yourself to stop judging your self-worth and relationship-worthiness on you bust size. I fit into the same training bras my mom bought me when I was 9 or 10 years old and I'm 27 now. I understand how humiliating it can feel to not "measure up" to girls half my age...But this never made me sabotage any chance at a relationship with someone who was interested in ME. You have men who are interested in YOU as a person! Maybe they are 'leg' men or maybe they have completely overlooked your small breasts to see you as the great person you are. If your breasts were a deal-breaker, they never would have bothered to ask you out.Please consider your third option.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (2 November 2011):
 Plenty of guys like small boobs, and *every* guy would think boogasms are awesome. I'm not just saying that - I prefer about a B-cup, but one of the most passionate lovers I've ever had the pleasure to know had a really flat chest, probably about your measurements (can't say for certain, but close).
It seems as if few if any men have rejected you for your boobs, so the problem is not with your attractiveness, it's with your response to attraction. Flirt and enjoy it! If it goes badly now and then, that's natural, it happens, but that's no reason not to try again. Guys may also notice your face (lips, eyes, smile), or your legs (slender, shapely, whatever), your hair (grow it long), your figure (again, slender, curvy, or shapely, it'll appeal to someone). That before they even learn about your personality or boobgasms. Work your best assets and enjoy the attention.
...............................
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (2 November 2011):
 Girl, if I could have orgasms from some boob action, I wouldn't even think about getting them done! :) As someone who has small breasts, I can tell you that contrary to popular belief, there are plenty of men out there that like smaller breasts. You have to realize that you have a complex and your observations and conclusions are tainted by it. In other words, your major insecurities are making you irrational. If you're attractive, you're attractive regardless of breast size. I have 2 male friends, who have a strong preference for large chests, but guess what? They also date women with smaller busts because most people fall in love and or become attracted to the person, not just one body part! And I have yet to hear either one of them complain about the boobs being too small.You need to realize that most men don't focus on one thing only, unless they have some fetish. If you do end up getting implants, realize that they will look fake, unless you're planing to go to a B cup (and even then it's questionable). If you hate your body, you ought to seek counseling to build up your low self-esteem. I may also suggest getting back into dating world and find out for yourself that men will find you attractive, small boobs and all! It may give you some reassurance until some sense seeps into your head!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2011): I can relate to how you feel. I am 24 now. Before my current relationship I felt the way you do, I would never take my bra off in front of boyfriends as I didn't want to be judged and never let anyone touch my boobs. I am 34A aswell. Once I finally got the guts to let my boyfriend see/touch them I can't believe I was so worried about peoples' judgements in the past. i realised how great it is as he didn't judge me and seems to love how i look. Also i realised it feels great, which is the amazing benefit of having small boobs! I am now proud of having small boobs because i love the sensitiviy and i think a smaller bust looks better in a lot of outfits. Plus often the size of your boobs will be designed to go with your frame, e.g. if you are petite and slim it will be better to have small boobs as it will suit the rest of your body more. Plus less sagging down to your belly button when your older! Plus guys don't talk to your breasts all the time but see other parts of you e.g. eyes lol. Plus I think small boobs look better in a larger variety of clothes. I am sure there is a part of your body that's your fave, e.g hips, legs, bum. so try n attract a bum, hip or leg man instead of a boob man lol. When I was youger I would wear outfits that didn't focus on my boobs but showed of my hips/bum as that was my better feature. Boobs are the only part of the body that make a woman look feminine. Most men love boobs whatever size they are are cos what they really love is that touching them is a quick way to turn women on ;-)Be proud of who you are!
...............................
A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 Look at what you wrote. Your boobs are not stopping you from having a relationship. YOU ARE. Guess what, unless you're wearing a padded bra, the guys know you have small breasts. They're flirting with you, they clearly do not care.
Honestly, I think guys would find it incredibly hot that you can orgasm from that. Most women with bigger breasts, cannot do that. Do you want big breasts, or do you want pleasure? Big breasts are just a visual.
If a guy doesn't like your small breasts, then he's not worth your time.
Do the females in your family have significant others? Married? Have had boyfriends? I doubt all those guys were disappointed with their breasts.
...............................
|
