A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, I've met a few lovely guys in the past few years, who I would have loved to have a relationship with, but I keep blowing it. I fall for them quite quickly, text them more often than I should and think I come on a little too strong (without being totally crazy.)I need some straight talking and some tips on how to keep a guy interested at the start and maybe even some advice on what to do to stop myself from getting in contact so often.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 Use texing only for confirming plans or letting him know you are late or whatnot, do NOT try and have a realtionship based on texting.
If you want to TALK to him CALL him.
Take the time to get to know them, hang out, see a movie, have a picnic, go for Brunch on Sunday, play boardgames, go to a club ( and don't get drunk).
To me, people who text constantly seems needy, superficial and unable to entertain themselves.
Would you believe if I told you that I never text. AT ALL? There really is no need for it. If I want to talk to someone, I call them. If they don't answer I leave a message and we get in touch. I don't call my husband during work-hours unless it is a REAL emergency. I don't answer my phone while I'm driving or at a check out. I don't walk around stores chatting up friends.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 November 2011):
 Texting seems to be the way to ruin everything.
let the man chase you a bit...
be warm and inviting and friendly but only in response to him.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (2 November 2011):
 Try not texting at all. Instead, actually call them to set up dates, say two or three things, then hang up. Keep conversation limited to dates or to setting them up, unless he initiates it - in which case, feel free to be expressive, just don't keep it going forever. If they ask about it, say you are trying to move away from texting since it's so impersonal.
It will cut down on how often you're trying to talk to them, letting you save conversation topics for in-person time when it's easier to bond instead of feeling hounded. It's simple, too - just one easy change. While a longer, more comprehensive answer might give you a better idea of how to do things, I think simple is best here because it's easy to apply to your life immediately.
Give it a shot; you can always go back to what you were doing before if it doesn't work out on the next guy or two.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (2 November 2011):
Hi there. There's nothing wrong in letting a man see that you like him, genuinely.
You can do this by being warm, friendly and showing a genuine interest in them and in their lives.
Where you are probably going wrong is in contacting a guy after a date, before he has called you. Especially after first dates. But anytime really.
This is what often chases men right away from you.
What it does, is to make you appear needy and desperate. Men don't really like that.
What they will usually do - if the date went really well - is after a first date, they will usually give you a call within the first few days, to a week - to ask you out on another date.
In your keenness, you probably get impatient about waiting and jump in first and call or text them. So they don't get a chance to call you. It can also make you appear to be a bit controlling. Men like to think they are in control of the situation - rather than the girl calling all the shots.
So in future when you go out with a guy you really like and seem to get along with, just sit patiently and wait for them to contact you.
If they had a nice time with you on the last date, the chances are they will want to repeat the experience.
And when they do call you, just be yourself and don't go overboard telling them how much you like them. They already know you liked their company, so just relax.
Then let them call you each week after that, at least until you are actually in a relationship that seems stable.
Men don't like to be pursued. They like to do the pursuing themselves.
And in between dates while you are waiting for him to call you, go out and enjoy yourself and have a life of your own so you are not dependent upon him for your happiness.
Your happiness is your responsibility - not his or anyone else's.
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