A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have had a rocky relationship, in which we just went through a period of saving it. We came clean about everything we had done, and he told me he had slept with one of his best friends, who was also living in the room next to him for a while after this happened. They were both really drunk, and me and him had broken up that night. I made him go over the details to ensure that I should even bother forgiving it, and I feel I have, IF I can have one question answered: do drunken mistakes really exist? He was aware of what he was doing, but he was really, really drunk. Nothing has happened since then, and he swears it would never happen again, and wouldn't have happened had he not been super drunk and super angry because we got into a huge fight that night and broke up. I do believe he won't do it again now, but I just want to know, have any of you ever made a similar drunken mistake? The kind that you can remember, making it less of a mistake than waking up next to some random guy you would never consider sleeping with? I just want to know that he didn't have feelings for her outside of being drunk and stupid...
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best friend, broke up, drunk, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): HiI think judgement is impaired...but you still know what you are doing...mistakes are when you realise after that it was not right..but at the time it was. Drunken nights...beer goggles..who's that their? where am i? Yes we sometimes have these experiences and wish we had'nt...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Dont really know, but I would like to answer to this question too, only i'm on the other side. I've found myself attracted to my best friend. We all run in the same crowd, and see each other a lot a parties. Don't really know what to do or think about it. I dont want to lose my best friend, but have I been missing out on something so much better all these years?
I think its too little too late. We're both in serious relationships with children, and the only time he acknowledges me personally is when we are both drinking. I have told him time and time again that I want to talk about things sober, but it never seems to happen. I guess I'm nervous about what his answers are going to be to my questions......so confusing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 I think making drunken mistakes can happen.
IF you two are serious about your relationship you need to work on forgiving each other. Once that is done you concentrate on the future.
You two also need to talk about your boundaries in the relationship. Cheating is a symptom of something deeper, can be trust issues, can be insecurities, can be lack of respect. Might be a good idea to think that over too.
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A
male
reader, Replacement +, writes (27 February 2009):
 Hmm... yes and no. I've never slept with a girl I wasn't attracted to in some way, but then when I'm drunk my standards tend to get... lower.
In the case of a best friend, that's tricky territory as there is also a huge emotional and personality connection there, meaning they obviously get along really well. It sounds like one night in a drunken fog the friendship bubbled over into sexual tension which eventually exploded. It's up to you to decide if it was a one time mistake or a sign of a real connection between them. Do they still talk? Are they still BFF? You may run the risk of it happening again if you're not careful, it might happen more easily next time.
But then again, you cheated on him too. Maybe you should make a pact not to sleep with other people anymore and consider both your sins forgiven.
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A
female
reader, Kuroneko +, writes (27 February 2009):
Sometimes if someone is willing and your inhibitions are way lowered - and also said physical rebound, even if she wasn't ugly, he might have slept with her. He didn't need to be terribly attracted to her to want to sleep with someone for the sex...
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (27 February 2009):
 The only drunken mistake that exists is getting drunk in the first place. Everything that happens afterwards could have been prevented.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): We all do stupid things when we are drunk! I can think of countless things that I never would've done sober but did while drunk! Alcohol impairs our judgement, our thought process, our conscience, and everything else you can think of! I'm not saying it's right but, that's what alcohol does!
He didn't have to tell you, as you said, you never would've known. He told you because he wants to be totally honest and start with a clean slate. If he had any attraction, or thoughts of being with her again, he would not have told you. Obviously, he wants an honest relationship with you.
Don't dwell on this, or make him regret telling you. Take it as him opening up to you and being totally honest! You also admitted that you cheated on him. Consider the score even and go on from here. Always keep the lines of communication open and always be honest! That's the key to a healthy, happy relationship!
Good Luck to both of you...I hope it works this time!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell we both cheated on each other in the past, we both admit we didn't take the relationship very seriously until recently when it all blew up in our faces. that is why he told me, so we could be honest with each other and move on. otherwise, i would have never found out. he admits he was being stupid, i know he was being stupid. my only real concern in all this is, did he have feelings for the girl at all, or an attraction, or was he just being drunk and stupid?
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A
female
reader, Plutonious +, writes (27 February 2009):
he was too quick to judge after the break up, he quickly got drunk and physically rebounded with someone else that night to prevent from thinking of what just happened. the break up!to me, it was as if he was yelling out in his head "finally i'm free i could screw someone else!"to me, he was pretty stupid of doing so.and being drunk is NO EXUCSE to be a MISTAKE. trust me, i got drunk and did something stupid.and if he says he was well aware even if he was drunk, i think that is just plain old stupid to do that, sounds pretty selfish to me because he didn't care what he was doing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh also, he says he's really not attracted to her like that, but she isn't ugly or anything but just not his type. I'm not sure if I can picture myself sleeping with someone I'm not attracted to at all when I'm sober... but, guys and girls are different. What do you guys think about all this?
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