A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a fairly common question, but would like to know the answer for my specific question. I have been dating my girlfriend for a year. I have been attracted to her for 4 years and we were friends during that time as well. We both left for college in September 2008, and since then our relations have slowly degraded. I really do try to maintain contact, but we are both busy, and sometimes she does not respond to my emails. Thus, I have been lonely lately, and see a large probability of us breaking up in the near future. I am a solitary person by nature, so having someone like her in my life made me extremely happy, and I remember this summer very fondly because we were together. I am fairly certain that I love her.Not long ago I met a girl at my current institute who has the same double major as I do, and who is very nice. Also, I am beginning to suspect that she is somewhat attracted to me, as she goes out of her way to talk to me and made sure to be in my classes next term (we are on a quarter system). She is very pleasant and I would like to remain friendly with her. My problem is that I find myself attracted to the girl in my institute and briefly considered breaking up with my girlfriend in order to pursue a relationship with her. My question is simply, what should I do?Rationally speaking, I realize that 90% of the reason I am drawn to the girl from my current school is because she partially fills the gap left by the girl I truly love, and I cannot help comparing the two. This makes me think that being in a relationship with the girl from my school would be extremely unfair to her, as she would be, for lack of a better word, a substitute. Thus, my current plan is to try to salvage my relationship with my girlfriend, while keeping the girl from my institute on polite, but not romantic terms. Is this prudent? What would be the logical thing to do?Thank you,AM Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, saltwater  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 It would be unfair on anybody here to tell you explicitly what to do; you can only be your own best judge.
It's not unusual to find someone else and to be attracted to them in some way; especially when you never see your current girlfriend too frequently.
It's also common for men to find a "focus" girl; someone who he is focused on and attracted to at a particular point in time. And because your current girlfriend isn't around, that attraction is intensified.
Even if you don't realise it, to me this looks like a "stop-gap" attraction; someone who you focus on while you have been lonely and while you're current girlfriend isn't around.
You've said that you were very happy and have fond memories of your current girlfriend from the summer just gone...wouldn't it be nice to try to rekindle that same fondness this summer?
Trying to save your existing relationship sounds like the right decision; you are safe in the knowledge that she makes you happy.
Personally, I think it would be foolish to throw it away so cheaply.
Take care
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