A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hmm, I'm getting a little cynical-do all men cheat (emotionally/physically) if they get the chance and don't think they'll get caught?? This is the impression I'm getting from DearCupid, from celebrities, from my friends, and I don't like it. I hope it's not true, but am I just being naiive?Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 We might also be biologically " wired " for polygamy, so what ? That means that maybe we are bound to feel attracted to different people, it does not mean that we HAVE to act upon that attraction.
It's quite a few centuries that nature takes beatings from culture at every possible twist and turn.
Human beings are also "wired " for violence, and to react violently to any frustration and opposition that may threaten our turf ,belonging or social position. But, luckily, there is good old impulse control, so very very few arguments about ,say, a stolen parking lot end up in
physical attacks or homicide, as we would be " wired " to do.
They are biologically " wired " to mate with any fertile partner around, but, again,luckily, there's no much people who would have sex with their sister or brother.
Cheating is a choice, like any act of a rational human being. When offered a good occasion, some people ( both men and women ) will take it, and some won't , according to their different belief systems.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (31 March 2012):
 "The odds of either of you taking additional lovers are 100% regardless of a contract."
There is no human being alive or dead has ever managed to be faithful, because we are only a bundle of chemicals...
Very interesting theory.... which has no scientific validity and is not proven by any type of research ever published on planet earth. You only need to find one person who has never cheated to show that your ideas are wrong...
YIPPEE.. FOUND ONE.... ME!!!
Please provide us the link to your unique and earth shattering discovery that all humans who have ever existed, will always and must always cheat.... I think the scientists would be fascinated to find out where you get your knowledge from.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): Everyone who said no is incorrect. The hard, ugly truth is yes...because we're not wired for sexual exclusivity regardless of the brainwashing about soul mates and married ever afters. All sexual ties have a shelf life, it's based on chemistry - literal, not metaphorical. Even guys who swear it's wrong and would never ever do it are lying and will end up there. All it takes is that one kind of woman (that isn't you) to cross his path and the opportunity to present itself.
Same holds for females.
For exactly the same reasons.
Chemistry dictates our sex lives and our ability to form long term alliances. For women brainwashed into believing that getting married means happily ever after inside a monogamous tie and if they wear the right pumps or keep sex fresh they can fend off the inevitable, they will unfortunately be kicked in the teeth by this unfortunate reality. Why? Because the only reason we have sex is for purposes of reproduction. All our strategies, mating dance, courtship rituals, and behaviors are for that purpose - we imposed a culture of romantic delusion on that hard wired behavior.
Can you have a monogamous tie with one person for the rest of your life? Absolutely. Friendship, alliance, doable.
But you'll be in for a rude gut punch when you mistake that to mean the same thing as sexually exclusive. That's just the way it is. No need to be cynical. What you should be is educated and realistic, and don't run off the deep end on a fairy tale.
Monogamy has been hijacked to mean sexually exclusive but it is a legal definition that means married to one spouse (at a time). You can be married to one person for 50 years. The odds of either of you taking additional lovers are 100% regardless of a contract.
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A
male
reader, honestman  +, writes (16 March 2012):
No.
Men have plenty of chances to cheat. Those who have high ethics and respect for his partner won't do it, because he knows that this will create havoc on their relationship.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 March 2012):
 No, it's not true. You can't base things on what you read on dearcupid. Dearcupid is a place for relationship troubles, not happy stories. Keep that in mind.
But no, not all men cheat if given the chance. There are faithful men and there are cheaters. Cheaters might stay faithful until given the chance to cheat and not get caught. But faithful men stay faithful even if you go on vacation and leave him with 10 naked ladies at home.
Some things you just know. I know it in my heart and when I look into a mans eyes, if he will be faithful or not. It's in their character.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (10 March 2012):
"I hope it's not true, but am I just being naiive?"Your being niave, because millions of women cheat too. When your reading Dear Cupid, please don't ignore all the women who cheat on their husbands or cheat on their boyfriends or sleep with a married man because they don't care about his wife. Your getting a very unbalanced view of the world if you only look at the bad things men do to women.Many people are faithful, in the UK, and probably in the USA, half the people that marry stay together. Some that divorce aren't because of adultry, but for things like money problems, or different attitudes about life. Many people cheat because they are unhappy with the relationship but for some reason they refuse to walk away. Some people make a mistake, and many relationships can survive an affair.I suggest you don't let a website which deals only with people having relationship problems cause you to have worries and despair. Dear Cupid is not representative of all people in love, it's only the one's who are having problems who come here.In my world, very few people cheat, man or woman, and when relationships break down it's usually due to matters of incompatability. I'm not sure about this "emotional" cheating you talk about. If you need to be the only thing that a man ever thinks about and you need to be the centre of his world and be in his mind 24/7 even when he is sleeping, yes then all people cheat and you will be disappointed. That type of possessive love is seen only in Hollywood movies.You need to get your own relationship, try to be loving and kind, and make sure you have plenty of fun. Make sure you communicate properly to stop any difficulties becoming big problems.. then you can base life on your own experience and you will realise that each and every person is different, there is no such thing as ALL when it comes to dealing with people and relationships.
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A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (9 March 2012):
Keep in mind that when it comes to cheating, just as many women are guilty of it. So if you are able to refrain from it, that must mean there are plenty of men out there who also can.
Also, people usually don't go on here to talk about how amazing their relationship is. They come on here to ask for advice to deal with their relationship problems. Therefore, what you see here is not a realistic representation of life.
And with celebrities the rule of the thumb is not to believe at least 75% of what's written about them. I am a journalist, and starting out I was baffled to learn how much is simply made up, especially when it comes to covering news about the entertainment business.
Lastly, like person12345 said. cheating has more to do with personality than opportunity.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 No. Not all men cheat if given the chance, only those men who are predisposed to cheating for whatever reason will cheat under those conditions.
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A
male
reader, thebaldsoprano +, writes (9 March 2012):
No, they do not all cheat.
But the vast majority of them (80%+) are, by drive and nature, definitely NOT monogamous, our culture's denial of this very basic and nearly self-evident fact notwithstanding.
That is, most men will at least be sorely tempted to take up outside opportunities when they present themselves (whether they consciously want to go against their partner's wishes or not.) It's just the way they're wired.
So your best defense is probably to bring up the issue openly at some point (probably when you're not in bed).
Which of course takes a lot of capacity for this whole "communication" thing, and is of course risky also. But perhaps not as risky as letting sleeping dogs (or hormones) lie. (Or that's my view on the issue, at least).
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 March 2012):
 No. It's not true at all. Cheaters will make chances for themselves and take them. Cheating or not cheating has nothing to do with opportunity, it has to do with a lack of self-control and a lack of respect and empathy for your partner.
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