A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a small thing, but it's driving me crazy and I need some outside perspective. I am in an LDR and we talk on the phone every night before bed usually for about a half hour to an hour, sometimes longer. We both sometimes have to hang up for a minute - another call, food in the oven, bathroom break, whatever. What bothers me is my bf will say something like "Can I call you back in five" and then when he calls back offers no explanation. If I ask what he was doing, he'll say what it was and either give me a sarcastic "Is that alright with you?" or call me nosy or a nag.Am I crazy? It just seems like basic courtesy to me, to say where or what you disappeared to. And I ask what he was doing because it seems like a natural question, not because I don't trust what he's doing for five minutes and am a prying know-it-all. I've started just biting my tongue and going on with the conversation, but it's still bugging me.So what do you think? Am I nuts? Worth getting into an argument over or let it go? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2012): I have experiences in being in a LDR, was in one for 2yrs before me and my gf got married.The one thing a lot of people dont understand is that in a LDR communication is sooo much more important then it already is in a "normal" relationship. Your both forced to communicate and share a lot, probaly more then youve ever been accustomed to or even enjoy.Me and my gf(wife) would share a lot of out days details, from the smallest details......since we both arent able to be with one another that made us both feel like we were part of each-others day and not just a phone conversation. It does get a bit stressful/annoying having to debrief your day to one another but at the end of it all it creates so much trust that nothing is ever hidden.The same situation you feel my wife had about me...i would be like "baby, ill call you back or can you wait a minute " when id get back on the phone she would ask me what i did....and i would tell her....o just went to the bathroom, someone called me etc and that would be in....we would continue with our conversation. Just give him a taste of his own medicine,say youll call him back or brb...see what he says and then if he doesnt like you imitating him, be like....see the way you feel is the way i feel too and communicate your feelings.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 You're 'boyfriend' is right. Asking what he was doing is a bit nosy. It's also in very poor taste to announce to someone that you're going to or have just been to the washroom. Too much information.
The others are right. Don't ask for an explanation and he may offer one once in a while (though in truth you don't need one) and mizz.butterflies is absolutely right about turning your time together into a routine chore. Don't be so predicatble and available all the time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2012): I am also in a LDR, so I hope this helps.
I would always expect my guy to tell me where he was, what he's doing, things like that, but I hated doing that myself. I would think, "I'm sick of telling him every detail," but mind you, I still expected him to share all these details with me. One day I realized how unfair and silly I was acting.
Your boyfriend doesn't need to explain everything he does, nor do you. It becomes stifling when you have to always be saying "I did this" or "I'm doing this now."
Of course, if he's away for a long time then you're justified to ask why he was away, but don't make it a chore for him to say what he's doing all the time.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 March 2012):
 I see it differently, I dont see him telling you why he needed five minutes off the phone as basic courtesy, but if you ask every time it could get a repetitive having to respond.
Just try not to ask for a while, you may find he offers the explanation up during the following conversation.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (9 March 2012):
 1) read why men marry bitches
2) NEVER engage in "routine" nighty phone calls. He will soon start seeing you as a CHORE and wont cherish the times with you. which is already happening.
SOLUTION
change it up. dont be available 100% of the times. Give him a piece of his own medicine. Do the same. See how he reacts. Stop appearing needy.
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