A
female
age
,
*llbjustfine
writes:I need help. I've been dating this guy for over 2 months. while we speak each day sometimes more than once,he is never clear on the direction of where we are going. he recently invited me to a family bbq who i know pretty well and he expected me to meet him there. we had a misunderstanding and he called me to come over and discuss it. While not being clear on us i asked him if he feels we have potential and i went on furhter to ask if i should date other people. he is kind of shy and was uncomfortable about it. i just let him know that i need to know if we are just dating as friends or if we may have something special that will take time. i told him i don't want to date. he is important to me. he said that if i want to see if someone else is out there better than him then i should find out. i felt what i said was wrong and i called him to let him know. did i say the wrong thing and push him away. i then sent him a text that he is important to me. please give me some advice, i feel like i said the wrong thing and screwed up what may have been nice. but he doesn't go out of his way to spend quality time together like taking a day trip. always local stuff. please help. thanks.
View related questions:
shy, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 One common flaw women tend to have is the "If you love me, you'll KNOW what I want, why I'm mad, (fill in the blank)”.
If you want a man to plan a day trip with you, and he doesn't, then suggest it yourself. Some people aren’t as imaginative and WANT a woman to tell them what they want.
Having said that, I agree that being open about your feelings is absolutely fine. Asking if you should date other people may have been tactless, but not having been witness to the conversation, I can't honestly say.
It’s been my experience that what is done is done. Second guessing tends to be a fruitless endeavour especially since you told him you felt what you said was wrong and that he is important to you.
You’ve made your position clear; both about what you want and how you feel the conversation about it when poorly. The ball is in HIS court. You don't need to chase him down because he got his feelings hurt.
If things don't go where you may have wanted them to go, they were never meant to. You didn't say or do anything that pushed him away.
Based on what little I was able to gather from your post, I would wager he would have responded similarly to something else you inadvertently said or did later on down the road anyway.
Give him time and keep yourself busy. If he doesn't appear to want to pursue things or clarify his feelings, it’s safe to move on.
Good luck! :-)
A
female
reader, taina1980 +, writes (9 September 2009):
I dont think your wrong for telling him how you feel & wanting to be clear on where you 2 stand. however having said thaat, there is such thing as tactfullness & also saying too much too soon. i think that men sometimes arre acccused of not telling us anything & hiding everything but the truth is men tell the truth just like women do. you will find it in how hes treating you if hes giving oyu those vib es like he wants to take things slow or hes giving you the vibe like oh its whatever do what you want?? ... you know the answer...relax its only been a couple of months just date the guy see where it goes. you dont need labels at this point
...............................
A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Oh dear, you had the temerity to call a guy on 'where you're going'. All people should be so up front and it would save a lot of heartache and disappointment. He said "Get out there and look for someone else better", so do it. And you probably will find someone better. Or at least someone who knows what they want. If he was really into you, you gave him his chance to say so, and he passed on it. So get out there and find someone better. :)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): If this Guy can't handle a women being honest and up front about where the relationship is going, Then let this (grown man) grow up w/ someone else. I wish ALL women would be honest and upfront like you were with him.
"You were not wrong at all."
Don't let him manipulate you by his drawback...
...............................
A
male
reader, ptw72a  +, writes (9 September 2009):
Ok, first off two months is a fair amount of time to be dating. Im assuming at that point things had become intimate?.
I cant really tell what your guy actually thinks of you- but if your worried that you 'said the wrong thing' then id send a simple text saying that you dont want to date other people just him. I wouldnt try and pressure him for commitment if maybee he thinks your trying to move things too fast. Just make it clear to him that he is the only one your interested in.
You will probably be able to tell how he feels from his response, but- resist the urge to send text after text if he takes a little while to respond.
Hope this helps.
...............................
|
