A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HiIve been with my GF for just over a year now, theres talk of engagement, moving in together etc..in short its a serious relationship. We get on fab and when together the time flies by.But as far as intimacy goes things have gone downhill a bit.. we still make love regularly and i still make the effort to put in plenty of foreplay, give oral all the time etc. Its something i love doing anyway.But the oral sex from her has just gradually died down over the last few months. At first it was equal give and take, but now she will do it once in a blue moon.I get the feeling its a matter of complacancy etc sinking in and perhaps she never really enjoyed giving much?. Though she always said she enjoyed it in the past.I know theres a lot more important things to life than recieving oral sex, but its something i enjoy a lot and it is bugging me, and its not something i want to give up for ever. Should i say something ? If so how could i word it to not cause offence?. Or- is this just perfectly normal once a relationship hits a certain time period?.Thanks.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (10 September 2009):
 It's odd that you have that impression. I know many women who do not enjoy receiving and prefer to give.
Good luck OP.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the comments guys. Lola i do all that anyway, 3 or 4 times a week i do a body massage for her- take my time over it and she has said it really relaxes her, i do make the effort in other areas.
But i wouldnt do a tit for tat thing no, i will say though it seems men giving oral is taken as expected, but the ladis reciprocating often seems to be considered a 'favour' as you say and im not quite sure why the difference.
Anyway ill take on board the advice, thanks again.
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (9 September 2009):
"Clunk!"
That was the sound of sexlessintheuk hitting the nail on the head. If your fiancée enjoyed giving oral sex, she would still do it. That doesn’t mean she can’t learn to enjoy it a little more.
Discussing sex with a partner can be a sensitive topic. I would encourage as much flattery as you can provide without sounding false. Make sure she understands that you enjoy sex with her, find her desirable and that you have a wonderful time with her.
Not only should your conversation not sound accusatory, I would also recommend you avoid making her think this is a "big deal" that you've been thinking about a lot. Avoid saying something like, “Sit down honey – we need to talk.”
It may be a bigger deal, and you obviously have been thinking about it, but there is no reason why her confidence in your enjoyment of your shared intimacy should be shaken.
Simply explain you enjoy the act and would like to know how to help her enjoy it more so you can have it more often, if not all the time.
While you’re being open, brace yourself to hear things you may not like to hear, too. Starting this dialogue may open the door for her to talk about where she would like to see improvement on your end in this or another area and it may occur in a separate conversation.
If this happens, you can lead by example. React to this information the way you want her to react to yours.
I would also add in response to someone else’s post that this is not a "tit for tat" situation. You enjoy giving her oral sex, so if she doesn’t enjoy the act, she is actually giving more when she performs it on you.
As an aside which does not need to be brought into the original conversation, oral sex can be supplemented with contrasting or complimentary hand manipulations or be the gentle teasing of certain parts of your genitalia. She does not need to bring you to orgasm for you to receive a “good time”. Orgasm can be acheived by intercourse after she's performed oral sex.
If she does attempt to please you in this manner, you can reward her with a new act yourself, or something you may already do, but not as often. This would encourage her to continue giving you oral pleasure.
As a couple you can very easily make your own massage oils. Using her favourite scent, you can massage her body, teasing her occasionally in her favourite sexual ways, while also working out some of her day-to-day tension in non-sexual ways. This would be my favourite reward for performing an act I don’t always enjoy.
This is an excellent way to practice overcoming obstacles as a married unit. I would also recommend to all couples that mutual sexual enjoyment be an ongoing conversation throughout the relationship.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): Hey man,
when it comes to the bedrooom you need to say what you like and what you want more of, if hse does not like doing it then she needs to say that now.
I think what you said in your post would be he way to approach it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): Its perfectly normal for the sex drive to change during the relationship, and most women (as far as I understand it) are eager to have lots of sex in the beginning of a relationship and then they just stop wanting it that much. It can pick up again, who knows. Maybe she never liked giving it, a lot of women dont like giving head.
Talk to her about it when you're both comfortable and cuddled up. Make sure it doesnt turn into accusations, and that you dont become enemies over this. It's not something she or you did wrong. You got to be thinking as a team and work this through as a team too.
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A
male
reader, Mikes +, writes (9 September 2009):
 Theres nothing wrong with wanting oral sex, especaily if your still giving it to her. no one on here can say how you should ask her, as you know her better than anyone you know what she will be offended by. If you dont ask her, it will always be bugging you.
Perhaps your right that in the start she did it just to please you. But even if she doesnt really like oral sex then it would be nice just every now and then to give it to you. She obviously has no big issues on it.
Hope it all works out
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