A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in my mid twenties and my boyfriend is almost 30. We both are mature, hard-working adults with steady professional jobs. I am happy with our current status. All of his friends are getting married. We have lived together for about a year and a half and were dating a few years before that. I get the feeling he is about ready to propose, but I am still feeling uncertain about how I would answer. He is a great guy, we talk honestly and I know that most of what he does it to make me happy. I am a person who may be borderline bipolar (I do understand the condition and am not using the term loosely as it does run in my, but am also still in my 20s and some of the mood changes in my past may have been related to hormones and immaturity too), and am used to relationships that are a bit more intense-higher-highs and lower-lows. With my past two serious relationships I have felt totally "in love" and had no doubts about whether they were the one. Obviously I turned out to be wrong. With this man, I feel stable and (usually) happy. Because of the way I felt in these other relationships, I question whether I am not as in love with my current boyfriend or whether this is actually what a healthy adult relationship should be. My question is for people who are happily married and have been so for awhile. How did you know he/she was the right person to settle down with? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): I posted the original question. I do not feel like I am putting pressure on myself. I am fine with things the way they are. I fear if he does propose (surprise) and I say "no" or that I'm not ready yet I will lose him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): Why are you putting yourself under such pressure? You dont NEED to marry someone. Marriage is an expression of a relationship and not a foundation for a relationship. If you are truly happy and your religious convictions are such, you will want to show the world that you love this person and want to commit yourself to them for the rest of your life.
I suggest stepping back a bit from your thoughts and taking things a day at a time. Enjoy the relationship and stop fretting over the future. If you are happy, then enjoy it. If you are unhappy, ask yourself if you think things will get better - if not then decide what you are going to do.
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A
female
reader, cheannryl  +, writes (9 October 2010):
 Ahmm..am not yet married ok,but i've heard it from a couple wth successful marriage.bein in love isn't enough.if you're not sure then think a million times,when you're willing to do such things/if you can imagine yourself growing with that person then go for it.
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