A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Alright,My girlfriend and I sort of met one night while we were both out drinking, we ended up having sex that night, either of us knew anything about each other really more than our names. Yes, a one night stand.We both were extremely drunk, we both woke up in the morning, completely naked, both of us barely remembering the night before, but yet we hit it off so great. We honestly laid naked together, for four straight hours and basically told each other our life stories. From that point on, we started hanging out on a regular basis, we continued to have sex, but we still talked a lot and got a long great and loved being together. It got serious pretty quick, and after about a month from the first night we met, we were in a serious relationship. Well, during those four months, we continued to learn more and more about each other, but we knew each other great and loved being together. Eventually the question came up, how many people had we previously slept with. I was pretty active in high school and during the first half of my freshman year of college (she is a year older than me), I hooked up with a ton of girls but even though I hooked up with a lot of girls I didn't have sex with all of them. I held back quite frequently stopping after a blowjob instead of going all the way and having sex. She was the 5th girl i had sex with. And i told her that..She initially told me that she had had sex with 9 people. Being the guy, and having her number higher than mine, I felt a little uneasy about it, but her being a year older than me could make up for that. I tried not to let it get to me, I asked who they were, I knew she had a serious boyfriend from 10th-11th grade and then she had a serious boyfriend in 12th grade of high-school.. And she told me that she had regretted sleeping with another guy while in high school. Two of the other guys were older guys that were on my college lacrosse team with me, that she had slept with during her freshman year at college. And 3 other guys were older guys that 2 of them had graduated from my college and one guy was another guy who lived down the hall from her during her freshman year. Well so the more I thought about it the more worried I got that I had fell in love with a slut. And here's the worst part, one day when we were driving back from a weekend vacation together, we were talking and she brought up being a thing with another guy that she hadn't told me about. ANd i said to her you never had sex with him? And she said that she had, so then I said okay so you initially lied to me and what is the real number? She kept saying what does it matter I have changed my ways all of these guys were before I ever even knew you why does it matter how many people I have had sex with. And I said it matters because I am having sex with you now and I have the right to know. She said 14. I could tell by the tone of her voice and the frustration and embarrassment in her voice when she said 14 that she wasn't lying this time. It hit me pretty hard, I dont know why? I fell in love with this girl before I knew about it, I am still in love with her and our relationship is as strong as ever, we both have had STD tests and we are both completely clean. So I ask myself, who cares, I didn't know her during any of that, she is faithful to me now that we are together, she didn't give me any diseases. I have told her that that number is high and that it drives me insane. And she says to me that she regrets pretty much all those guys but me and the two other guys she was in serious relationships with.. But she says to me that she went from being in high school in a small town to going to college in the middle of a big city, being a beautiful girl not knowing anybody at college as a freshman and getting a lot of attention from older, attractive guys. And while I wouldn't be with her right now and this happy if it wasn't for making that same initial mistake that she has made more than a couple times, it drives me crazy knowing that she didn't respect herself during her freshman year of college. She openly admits that she had a crazy, party filled freshman year of college and while it was fun at times, she completely regrets it and she came back to college her sophomore year a whole different person that had settled down..We are both very sexual people and still have a lot of sex but it just kills me inside knowing that that many other guys have also had sex with her? Can anyone give me any good advice that might make me feel better. Am i dating a complete slut? Or am I dating a beautiful girl I fell in love with that just has a past that has changed her ways? I dont know what to think.
View related questions:
blow-job, drunk, fell in love, one night stand, std Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2013): I have been together with this girl for 3 years now and latley a lot of things she has told me about her past she turned out to be lieing about it. Before we got together she had had so many guys weither it be sex, oral, handys, kissing that when it came out and i confronted it about her she couldnt ever count the number of guys shes had relations with. Even turns out she slept with a guy while we were talking about 3 days before we got together(p.s. she gave me a std from that last guy it turns out. Point is she was a complete slut, but she loves me and i love her. Yes it kills me inside to know shes been "used" so much but we broke up once and that was the worst few months of my life. If you love her forgive her, if you cant then move on without her or its just going to be so much pain that youll eventually hate her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2008): Hi Mr anonymous, thank you for sharing your story with everyone. That's why we got so angry, that's why we were so harsh. We don't want this guy to go through the things you went through, we hope that he avoids this kind of pain. Yes it's terrible to have these thoughts and jealousies, but throwing away the only girl you've ever loved is much, much worse. Thank you very much, I hope your advice has shown him a way out of his problem, and giving him so hope that he can tackle it. Blessings.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008): i just read your story and in some ways it is like mine. im so glad i found this cause i need to vent my shit so bad! here it goes! i was in a bad marraige for a long time. i got my wife pregnant when i was 23 and married her cause that was the rite thing to do. we thought we were living a normal life, i had a good job we had a house 2 cars ect. but we would fight all the time, about everything money sex going out with the guys ect. then we had another child thinking we were ok , our son was 8 at the time, we had a baby girl and everything was ok for a while, then the same fights came back, not enough money not enough sex ,we both drank wich didnt help but we just kept living that way , i thought that was normal, i thought all married people were miserable, thats what happens after so many years of marraige rite?well things got so bad she wanted me out of the house for a long time but my stubborness said fuck you my house you get out. then i met someone in work, to make a long story short we fell head over heels in love! but having been with my wife for 20 years and having 2 kids with her i had problems and ended up leaving this girl 3 times over the next year, everytime i left her i felt horrible and i went back to her,,, finally she got pregnant which i didnt want i told her from the start i was done having children and i never wanted to get married, but she had the baby and thru it all we had some hard times, i didnt want it, i was living with her but i had to support my wife and kids (i didnt get divorced, i left my wife for this girl, but i payed all the bills for my wife and kids, i would never leave them homeless i always took care of my family i just didnt love my wife anymore, i fell in love with my girlfriend, so money became an issue. she went out on disability wich i counldnt understand, my wife worked up to 2 weeks before labor, this girl is a hypocondract,i was paying rent and a mortgage i went into so much dept then after it all she left me, at first i was glad i thought my feelings changed i thought of her as a homewrecker, and everytime i left her she went back to her old boyfriend, and i would pray she would be done with me. well i got my wish she has the baby and went back to her old boyfriend! but my problem now is that i realize i love her and i cant stop thinking about her! when i was with her i didnt want to be, now that she left me i cant stop thinking about her i miss her so much i beleive she is my soulmate i just didnt realize it at the time. now i would do anything to have her back!anything i would work so hard to provide for her and my baby but she doesnt want anything to do with me. it tears my heart out now seeing her with another guy and i know she still loves me and i know now i love her with all my heart but its to late i let her go and i have to live everyday knowing i lost my true love my true chance at happiness, i cant explain how i feel about this girl i never felt this way before, she turned me into such a wimp ,beleiving in love,soulmates, and shit like that i never beleived in before!maybe im just nuts but i cant get her out of my head, i have dreams about her i have had visions of me marrying her ect. i cant beleive were over i miss her so so so much! i guess my point is if you truly love this girl then fuck what she did before if you truly love her think about what it would feel like to lose her, i learned so much from this girl, i dont care what other people think ,everyone has opinions, if you love her then go for it you never know what can happen it could be your whole life full of love and happiness and isnt that worth anything! i learned now what love is and if i ever get another chance at it i wont let it go for anything! i dont know how you feel but i now know how i feel without her. i miss her so much i cant stop thinking about her and if i could go back knowing what i know now i would have done everything i could to be with her forever,well enough of my whining i lost the best thing that ever happened to me because i couldnt get over my past and move on, my advice to you is you get over her past and go have a great life together, go for it and do everything the rite way love her and treat her good if she is anything like my kelly was then you will get the love back ten times over! go get your love goodluck from brokenhearted
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (10 August 2008):
 Hey dont sweat about it. I am 37 and have partied like there's no tomorrow in the last 7 yrs. It doesnt mean i am not ready now to settle down and put all that meaningless crap behind me and want to find Mr Right. I cant think of anything worse now than the thought of sleeping about and 'having fun'
Fun my rse. Its something everyone, or atleast most ones, should go thru to know its crap and grow up and see the wod for the trees. Your her touchstone, her groundedness that she has been aiming for all along. Dont spoil it bud.
Thank your lucky stars she lived the shallow life before she met you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I guess thanks to a lot of you. A lot of the responses were basically saying you shouldn't worry about it and that it shouldn't affect our relationship and hearing a lot of you tell me I am crazy for thinking about it and letting it bother me has made the issue less of a problem for me sense I made the initial post.
This isn't some huge problem her and I have together, she knows that I didn't enjoy hearing about all those guys, but she doesn't know about the times it gets to me, I don't go yelling at her or calling her a slut. Sometimes I just randomly think about stupid shit, even though I don't want to, sometimes I do and it kind of eats away at my mind for a little while until something else gets my attention. When her and i are together, we don't talk about it, I don't bring it up, I don't think about it. Its when I am away from her or we are apart and i am bored sitting at home or whatever.
And for those of you who are assuming we don't have a very good relationship, you are completely incorrect. We have a very close, strong, relationship, and (thank you to the last guy who replied for somewhat seeing my point of view on this) the only reason this issue gets to me is because I care about her so much and I don't like hearing or thinking about other guys that could give two shits about her, and just want to get some pussy at night.
I met her after she was through with that stage of her life, and I know what she is capable of and how amazing of a person she is and important to me, so even though I didn't know her before this year i don't like to think that she didn't respect herself and her body then like she does now. She openly admits to me that she regrets a lot of what happened during her freshman year of college.
It's not some problem that is affecting our relationship, it sometimes eats away at my mind, I might think about it and it makes me a little uneasy feeling until my attention is focused elsewhere.
I just wanted to clarify a few things I guess, thanks for those who replied.
...............................
A
female
reader, yukiakashi  +, writes (10 August 2008):
 she's probably curious about sex in her other relationships. Drop it
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): You shouldn't want to break up with her because of her past, you said yourself your know angel! But, Saying "Sex from the past leaves no marks" is totally wrong... it does.. so you both have to find a way to move past each others marks...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): I don't care if people are jumping down your throat about this... I agree with your frustration.. Yes we all make stupid mistakes... but, a big sign of really caring for someone is when thinking about her being with other guys hurts... So, I'll say.. it's not going to be easy...but you guys really need to talk this out... be totally honest and upfront about the past stuff... it's going to take time... And I think from a guy's standpoint... her making you feel like your the only "one" that matters or ever mattered is the biggest step forward.. and same goes for you with her... hope this helps some...
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (6 August 2008):
Thats why people say its better to get to know someone before getting into a relationship. Although i dont think how many previous partners she had makes any odds.
Past is past. Shame to ruin something you say is so good over something like this ey.
C xxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): you sound like a nice guy, you letting girls give you blow jobs in high school and college DO count as sexual partners, how nice of you to let them get you off, and then not do anything for them. then you meet a nice girl and have this big issue that she slept with 14 people? that isn't all that many and i hope you can see that you are the only one with the problem in this relationship. She didn't do anything wrong here, you are wrong.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): I really can't understand your problem. It was alright for you and her to meet, jump in bed, have drunken sex, and then get to know each other. But now, you have doubts and your angry because she has had a wild, exciting life. You have no right to ask her these questions, she is more polite than me, cause she answered you back. She went to college, she had fun, what's wrong with that. From where I'm standing, I don't see no mention of a engagement ring, I don't see that your her preist or her parent with the right to tell her off. DOUBLE STANDARDS BIG TIME BUDDY. Your dying inside because she's had sex with other people, well you had sex with other people too. She should dump you, you've had less experience and are probably crap in bed. She should dump you, because she was have fun, and meaningless sex, whereas you've been carefull and everytime you had sex it meant something to you. She's probably torturing herself and wondering "Will he stay with me because I'm not a virgin? Does he love me as much as he loved these other girls?" This is not a competition, sex with other people leaves no marks, she's not scared for life. Why are you thinking about her and other men, does thinking about other men turn you on? Collary is right as usual, if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen. You picked her up for a one night stand, and now your crying "she done me wrong, she has had more fun than me". Here, take a look at this link, maybe you should get out now before you end up like this....
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-cheated-numerous-times-since-my-wife-told.html
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (6 August 2008):
 Oop's I bet you now wished you hadn't asked.
Does it really matter that much if she slept with 5 or 10. The fact is that you love this girl, who by the way sounds wondefull, and you are treating her like she was an ex-hooker (not that there is anything wrong with that either, we all have to do what we have to do). So what! she made a few mistakes and slept with a few guys, we all make mistakes. Do you want her to think your another one? If you dont then tell the girl it doesnt matter, and drop the subject.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Man are you stupid? why the hell would you ask her about who she been with? asking a number is fine but the details? why the hell would you want to know? she has no STDs and she loves you..
Her giving an initial lie tells you she regrets who she was back then, that should be enough for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, beauty344 +, writes (6 August 2008):
 NO I DONT THINK SHES A SLUT AND PLUS I DO BELIEVE SHE LOVES YOU AND YOU DO TOOO
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): Is this just a ego thing for you? just because she has a higher number than you? I thought you compete with your mates, not your g/f. Only thing I got to say is that you better get over this pretty fast or I don't see this relationship lasting
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (6 August 2008):
 Hi mate,
the best thing you can do is let her go. Hopefully she will find someone who respects her for who she is not for the number of people she has slept with. She sounds like someone who has been waiting to meet a nice bloke, and she obviously thought that was you.
So let her get on with her life, and you can keep score with your next girlfriend.
You won't get any sympathy from me pal, guys like you are a dime a dozen on DC.. you whinge and cry about your lovers past life , I give you the same advice I give them, let them live in peace because they deserve better.
Just a word of advice, if you dont want to know, then dont ask.
all the best.
...............................
A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (6 August 2008):
 She is who she is NOW, her past is her past. Most of us have wild youths and then eventually settle down. People mature and change their views. She was a single girl having a good time, but it's not "her" anymore. She's a different person. You just have to trust her that she isn't doing things like this anymore, and stop obsessing about her past.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008):
Your girlfriend has been honest with you about her past transgressions - that is always a good start - she must be serious about you.
If your girlfriend is being faithful to you now, if she makes you happy and you two get along great then there is nothing for you to worry about.
...............................
|
