A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey x so i had a miscarrige last year and at the time i just put it to the back of my head an forget about it as well to be honest i was ashamed because i was only 15 but i recently started going out with my best friend and when arguing, he brought it up as a way to upset me saying that i was a slapper for getting pregnant at 15 and saying it was my fault i had a miscarrige and that i deserved it. at the time i was fuming but now i think about it maybe he is right i mean do i deserve it for being a silly slut and getting pregnant at 15? is he right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you to everyone for your advice and for those who aske yes i have dumped him x
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): Let me say im not sure of ur religous beliefs.. But im a christian. I read that the baby wasnt urs to begin with it was gods. U were a shepard to that child and god takes them back as he pleases. It hurts, but not as bad as it would someone who doesnt see it that way. Hint.. Ur guy friend...
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 What a young, misinformed, inconsiderate friend you have. You don't deserve to have that devastation thrown in your face, just when you can put it in the back of your mind! Asshole. Pardon my french.. A miscarriage from what I understand is something a woman, if she experiences it, will never get over. In no way shape or form is it your fault that you had a miscarriage. These things happen. It just wasn't your time to be a mother. You are meant to do something else in life finish school and follow your dreams. Doesn't mean your chances of being a mother are shot...try again when you're older, have a husband and are ready to settle.
Please remove this best friend from you group of friends, he will only tear you down when you're trying to build yourself back up.
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 Do not call yourself a 'silly slut'. Having sex and getting pregnant does not make you a silly slut, it just means you are a regular teenager with hormones flowing through your blood urging you to have sex. There are much worse things.
Do not think that boy right when he said you deserved to lose that child. Nothing you could have ever done would have led you to deserve such misfortune. It was just something that could not be helped. It was nobody's fault. You nurtured the child in your womb, it was your body that cared for its fragile form, what happened simply happened but it should not leave you with shame. It should leave you with pride. Be proud that you have been through such a tragedy and can now venture through life with wisdom and strength that you may keep growing stronger or better yet, inspire others around you with your experience, help them through times of distress.
Now you can appreciate life in all its brimming glory. If ever in the future, you become the proud mother of a beautiful child, you will be ready.
Realize how miniscule that boy's words are. Realize that there are cruel people out in the world that would say or do anything for no other reason than to see you burn up inside. Do not give in to his poison. Show him how proudly you stand and watch his own flames drag him into a world of shame.
I hope that helps.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 He is a prat and an arsehat! He is not your best friend, and certainly not good boyfriend material, I suggest you demote him to "aquaitance" status and find somebody else to hang out with.
Nobody NOBODY "deserves" to lose a child .... he needs some sort of metaphorical slap around the head!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): You didn't deserve it.
He is not your friend.
This is not just rude, this is cruel. Hang with someone who cares about you.
It is painful at any age.
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male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 you need to remove this "best friend' OFF your list and out of your life. you shure wer'nt the first young girl to get pregnant, and no you wern't to blame for the miscarriage.
and it takes two to make a baby.
good luck and god bless.
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female
reader, marymomnwife +, writes (20 October 2010):
the first time i got pregnant i misscarried. I was depressed for 8 months until i found out i was pregnant again. that was 5 yrs ago. my husband and i have had our fair share of arguments where we wanted to say mean stuff to each other but we have never brought a child into the fight 2 hurt either one or the other. losing a baby no matter what age u r is horrible and for that lowdown dirty rat to blame u? even if u said something mean 2 him 2 begin with i would have knocked him a new freakin hole in his head. That was a low down dirty thing to say i dont care if u got pregnant at 10 that was a stupid comment from him and u deserve sooo much better. dont let him try 2 say he is sorry if he said it once he will say it again
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female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (20 October 2010):
 Honey, please, don't think like that. You're young. What happened was something painful but you couldn't control it anymore than you could control the ocean. You had sex at a young age but so do many and though it's not the best choice, you are not a bad person and shouldn't down yourself like that. You don't deserve to have something like that thrown in your face. You DO NOT deserve blame for this. This guy sounds like total dirt -no one who truly loves you would tell you such things. I wish there was someone you could talk to about this, like a counselor. It sounds like you're going through a lot. This boy is NOT right. Please honey, leave him. It seems like he's out to destroy your self-esteem and sanity. We all mistakes and we can learn from them. Stop calling yourself such names, you have ONE first name on your birth certificate and you only respond to THAT name. You're a young lady with the potential to be anything you want to be-To be in control of your life and actions. All the best, hon.
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female
reader, glassblower +, writes (20 October 2010):
 First, let me say that I am very sorry for your loss. Losing a baby is very hard physically and especially emotionally. Your friend had absolutely no reason to say this at all. He is wrong. You may have made a mistake, but that is in the past. Dump him, honey. He is not good for you. Best of luck honey! xoxo glassblower
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female
reader, sliim114 +, writes (20 October 2010):
 he is not right for saying that you know i am going through the same tinqq right now its not your fault mistakes happpens and he is jerk for saying that to you he should be supportive not making you feel guilty
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female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (20 October 2010):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) Babygirl, I hope you're still not with him. That was a rude thing of him to say even IF he was just trying to get you fuming. You may have been young, but as long as you learn from your mistakes and will wait later in time than that is a good thing. Don't believe what he says, there are many youths that have had an early pregnancy, don't be ashamed. And no, that isn't something you can forget about, it is a very diffficult situation to go through. But you need to enjoy what you have, and try your best to be more positive. Don't be linked to the past, be hooked onto the future. Don't put harsh comments into your head and make you feel aweful about yourself, I'm sure you're a beautiful, lovely girl. So start telling yourself that too! Best of wishes, xoxo.
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