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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have a problem, and would love to get some advice/help with it. Thanks!! Okay! I'm single and want a baby so badly that I'm willing to have sex with anyone and then be a single parent. The only problem is, I don't want'a deal with the pain and discomfort of sex, and then of pregnancy, etc. U know? How do I get rid of this feeling I have? What's wrong with me? Why do I feel like this? Please help me!?!! Thanks!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): Yep been there done that and pretty much still thinking about it. Adoption cost alot and involves alot of drilling so is it an option you want to consider? Sex ain't painful but having the baby is a whole new experience only you can overcome. Remember thou that the birth is not an everlasting pain and the outcome is 100% amazing.
A
female
reader, Santashelper  +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Adoption honny!!! If you want a baby but dont want to have sex, adoption!
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A
male
reader, tux +, writes (7 March 2009):
 You need to calm your feelings and not act this out. It's not good for you nor will it be good for the child. I'm not saying single parenting cannot be done, but it is tough. A) you will struggle with taking care of your child, of course you can have your parents help you, but you should be doing the mothering, not your mother. B) the child will lack a father which helps in raising them and taking care of them. A good mother/father parenting tandem is better because it offers the child more support. But I would be cautious about becoming a single mother and be scared if you try because you may just end up with more than what you can handle.. I'm sure you know of a good news story that shows that point.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Adoption!
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (7 March 2009):
 As Uluvme0723 said, you are trying to fill a void in your life. Of caring for another human being and in return, the human being gives you unconditional love. These can only be given to you by an innocent baby. At this stage, your comments about not wanting to go through the painful process of 9 months of carrying a child in your womb, or predating that, the painful process of a failed relationship, is already an indication that even you are not yet ready to give unconditional love to your child yet.
So, in addition to "uluvme"'s suggestion to being a foster mother, you can also volunteer in shelters for abused women/children. Or a children's ward/hospital, If you do indeed feel that you have a lot of love to give, you will put it to good use to those children
In the process, you may discover what it is that is missing in your life. Or, if you preferred, you could also make an appointment to see an analyst/therapist.
If these feeling come in surges, you may also be experiencing a hormonal imbalance. Go to a clinic and check for this. Different glands gives you different reactions/mood swings. Only a medical check - and specific tests - can verify this. Tell your doctor about these strong overwhelming "urges". They would give the proper advice and referral that would best suit your situation.
Good luck
Cat
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): If sex is too much pain for you to handle, I doubt you are ready for childbirth. Unless you use a surrogate, you would have to carry and give birth to a child in order to have one. And no offense, but it seems outright stupid to contemplate voluntary single parenthood in this economy, unless you have one HELL of a financial support system. Kids aren't free and neither are hospital bills, and you will have to work to support the child, taking you away from caring for him/her. Not to say parenthood can't be done alone, but I think you're better off waiting until you are physically and mentally ready to be a mother. From what you've said here, you definitely aren't there yet. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Your compensating for what your missing within your sense of self by having a child.
Having a child is okay, but for the right reasons. Is it the demand for being loved unconditionally that you're seeking? Is sounds as if your desire is abnormal as far as your reasons behind your desire. This is damaging to you and can be to your child as well.
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A
female
reader, uluvme0723 +, writes (7 March 2009):
 Maybe you feel like a baby will complete you or make your problems disappear. I have no problem with any one being a single parent because I'm one. But believe me its not something you aim for. When you have a baby you want your baby to know and love his mom and dad. Just take a chill pill. And sex is part of having a baby. Unless you wanna do artificial insemination. And in my opinion giving birth to your child is a wonderful experience. If you really feel like this is something you want to do, get a foster child. Its a lot of kids who have no one.
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