A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi folks, I've been racking my brain over this and I can't make my mind up so hopefully some of you may be able to help me.My best friend is a woman, she is the same age as me (27). We are always going out for drinks, the cinema, something to eat, she stays over at my house etc that kind of thing. There was never anything sexual involved. My friend is very attractive to say the least and has a great body but I never looked at her sexually either. About a month ago, we went out as we usually do. We always look out for each other and don't 'get off' with people, we never get legless and we always leave together. Anyway, we went to the local pub for the traditional few drinks and then went back to my house as it's closer. We were sat on the settee watching television and having another drink. Neither of us were drunk but we were merry. We were talking then, all of a sudden, we ended up kissing. I don't know why I didn't stop the whole thing but it didn't feel wrong. I suppose as we have been so close for some many years there was a sense of comfort. After a couple of minutes, she took my hand and led me to the bedroom. It was obvious what was going to happen, we had sex. But it wasn't animalistic casual sex, it was slow and seemed loving. Before you ask, I didn't use any protection. She isn't on the pill. We used the 'pull out' method which I know carries the risk of pregnancy. Like I said, we're not in the habit of picking up people and taking them back to our places. I woke up in the morning and she was asleep next to me. I was completely taken aback by what had happened. I got up, showered, and went to the kitchen to make breakfast for us. I thought it was best to act as normal as possible just in case she woke up feeling bad as well. But, to my surprise, she acted normal like nothing had happened. I didn't say anything to her either.During this past month, her behaviour has changed slightly. We still go out for drinks and everything, nothing has changed in her social behaviour. I mean, if I go to her house to pick her up and she isn't ready, she doesn't mind getting dressed in front of me. When I say that, I mean starting from naked and getting dressed. I say that perhaps I should wait in another room but she just say's "Don't be daft." She holds my hand, she sits closer to me on the settee, rests her head on my shoulder and now, if she is staying over at mine, she will sleep in my bed with me but she asks me if it's ok to do so beforehand. She will get in to bed wearing a t-shirt and that's all, nothing lower down. It's not making me uncomfortable though, after what happened between us I now know that I am in love with her. Judging by her behaviour I think she may feel the same way. Or perhaps after what happened she simply feels closer to me and that's all. What I want to ask is, how do I approach the subject with her? If I'm wrong then I'm worried I'll lose her. Could she be waiting for me to say something and she's dropping blatant hints? What do I say?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (12 March 2009):
 I think if she is sleeping in the same bed then that is a sure sign that she likes you more than a friend! I think she probably is thinking the same way as you - she will have developed stronger feelings for you after that time when you slept together, but she is worried about saying anything in case you dont feel the same way or in case she loses you as a friend.
I think you have two options really; either you are brave and talk to her about it and tell her how you feel. Or you can just kiss her and lead her back into the bedroom again! If she is happy to oblige ;) then you can tell she is interested, if she pulls away well you know where you stand.
It sounds like you two are pretty close and even if it comes out that she doesnt feel the same, I dont think it will affect your friendship. I think you will regret it more if you never find out how she feels - be brave and go for it! It sounds like you have found something good here so dont miss your chance!
Good luck!
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (12 March 2009):
 ooops .. disturbing typo ... I meant "her change in behaviour" (not yours) in 3rd paragraph. Sorry! (need to go get my coffee now)
So, go ahead and ask her! Ask about what she thought of the time you had sex. Ask about what she thinks about you being more than friends. As about what she thinks of this feelings you now have for her (the big L feelings).
Cat
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (12 March 2009):
If it is making you feel uncomfortable, then you need to talk to her. Unless she had something in her drink that made her forget what happened that one time that you had sex, I am sure that she would have wanted to talk about it too! She probably did not because you did not bring it up!
I have had best friend who is a male, an a male room mate, who have seen me in my Ts only (with undies on), or just with a towel, but I never made a point of nonchalantly getting dressed from being naked, in the same room as he was. And yes, I used to go to parties, the moviies, dinners or just a bite to eat somewhere, with my male best friend.Completely comfortable with each other. Completely platonic.
So your change in behaviour with your friend, I would say is a great huge hint for you. But, the only way to find out is "Just ask her". However, now that you think that you are in love with her, and she answers to your question with "Oh, that was just me expressing my gratitude to you for being a good friend, nothing more", would you be heartbroken? Would you settle to have her as a platonic friends, like before you had sex with her?
Regardless of what her answer would be, you need to ask her, to ease your mind. She does not sound like a friend that will walk away from you simply because you told her you are in love with you.
Good luck!
Cat
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A
male
reader, enjoimx  +, writes (12 March 2009):
 Dont say anything Bro!! Just keep on keeping on! She likes you for you!! which is amazing and worth your timE! She is hinting that she really likes you! All you have to do is take is slow, show her some affection and love, be her friend, keep going out for the drinks, and keep on keepiing on and be nice to her! She is a great girl and you are a nice guy...wow Match made in heaven! You should maybe find out her birthday and just genuinely be a good guy. Dont get too serious, dont push things too far. Just be nice and mellow, friendly and affectionate.Good luckEmail with any questions you may have!!Rob
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A
male
reader, Joshgw22 +, writes (12 March 2009):
 The best way to approach any kind of situation where there are questions or really anythihng at all when dealing with other people especially the opposite sex is to TALK. Don't be afraid to be up front with her or anyone with how you feel. My advise is to take her out again but not the normal way, go somewhere where the two of you feel comfortable and can have a private conversation and just open up. It sounds to me like she has feelings for you just as you do for her. Don't forget that women generally don't have just casuall sex. There are intimate feelings involved with sex for women. She may feel that after being just friends and never being physical through out the friendship, that this first ever "intimate" experience with eachother in a way took the two of you to the next stage and sees you as a boyfriend now. Trust me when i say talking openly about any issue and ALWAYS being upfront with how YOU feel is ALWAYS the best way to sort things out. I'll never understand why people are afraid of what others will say or think after having told them the TRUTH. Hiding things and being timid only leads to problems. I think the two of you could have something really great together. You are already friends and in any relationship, friendship is important.I wish you good luck and hope I help ya out a bit.
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