A
female
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anonymous
writes:I would appreciate some advice and feedback on this one. I am going away for spring break and will be in the city that my ex returned to four years ago. I have a place to stay for three nights but note that there is no train on the day I want to go back. My ex said a year ago that if I ever needed a place to stay, I was welcome to use his apartment. He is never there as I think (but am not certain) that he stays with his girlfriend. I would just be in and out for one night..use his shower and couch and I suspect he could ask his landlady to let me in. We did try to rekindle our relationship a year ago...it did not work and I have moved on but this would be helpful eonomically. I just do not want to open a can of worms. If I dont see him and no one in his circle knows...what harm could it do?
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male
reader, InterCntlCHmp +, writes (26 March 2009):
He probably wouldn't care because guys tend to use logic when making decisions (you save money, safe etc) Girls on the other hand tend to use emotion (more often) when deciding so his GF might play it like she's cool and then lose it on the poor guy a month from now.
Do him a favor and don't even mention it. Find a hotel they're cheap
A
male
reader, thereIgothinking  +, writes (26 March 2009):
I agree with Jessica and Angela -- ask him and make sure the girlfriend knows. If he's with the girlfriend, there's no harm. You don't even have to see them. But it might be fun to see them both. If you have no designs on him, then don't give the girlfriend the slightest hint that you might.
Save the money and stay in a safe place if they are willing. and accept it of not.
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female
reader, aljsunshine +, writes (13 March 2009):
I Say get a hotel room, because if I was the new girlfriend the answer would be hell no i would never trust the intentions of an Ex,Get a room somewhere else.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (13 March 2009):
 As long as he has permission from his ex. And she might be more comfortable if you just stayed at his place, and he stayed at hers.
But, if she has a problem with it, then it would be wise to back down from the situation and leave it be.
I don't think it will be a problem unless you're spending the night there and he is there as well. That could get sticky for everyone, and I would understand her feelings of jealousy, even if she has nothing to be jealous of.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (13 March 2009):
Call him and ask.
He may say his girlfriend won't like it, he may say he's busy, or make an excuse, or he may say it's fine.
You say you have moved on, you say he has a girlfriend and it's only a night or two. You never know, you may really like his new girlfriend, make a new friend, and then be able to stay at hers next time.
Give him a ring and explain that you just need a sofa.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): I agree with kellyxxx, get a hotel room. If you were dating and living with him, would you want his ex spending the night - NO. Get a room.
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A
male
reader, 1perrito  +, writes (13 March 2009):
 Stop right now. That is bad juu yuuu. Unless you really like this guy.Go in full or get out! Seriously.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): I definitely wouldn't. You said that a year ago he offered you the use of his apt? Wasn't it a year ago you also tried to work things out? I would not feel comfortably sleeping in my ex-bf's home even though he is not there. And I'm sure his new gf wouldn't appreciate it either. You've been broken up for a year, you've moved on. Don't put yourself in a potentially sticky situation. And would this re-initiate contact? Cause that might be bad too.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (13 March 2009):
 No no no no!!!! You have to be respectful of his current girl friend! If I was his current girl and you asked if you could use his place I woudbe going mad!! Find a hotel! X
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): I think it would be fine. Me and my ex are friends, we were together 10 years. I still go to his dads every day and im friends with his girlfriend/fiance.If he said it would be ok then ask, besides its not like you will be there for a long period of time. If so rent a hotel/motel...........be verry nice and respectful .AK.
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