A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for about 9 months and have grown to love her alot. We are opposites in some ways ( I'm a yuppie. She's a hippie) but our core values are the same. We both adore animals. We both love cooking and baking. We both see ourselves living on a farm being self sufficient. We also both love eating with our hands. (Don't knock it until you've tried it.) We both write poetry for each other. We both like old music. She hides little notes for me to find. And I hide chocolates for her to find. We just seem to "fit". Or so I thought..A week ago she told me that there are things that she feels that she cannot communicate to me because she feels that it may cause me to leave her. Tonight she tells me that she feels as if something is missing. There is something that I am not giving her. She doesn't feel "Safe". She feels as though there is an emotional side of her that I am not relating to or connecting with. I'm a mere male and have no idea what this means so I'd like a womans perspective. I love my girlfriend very much. She had made me feel things and do things and desire to do things that I've never felt or done before, but I need to know if I should bow out before the road that we are on unfolds into seperate paths. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kayla20  +, writes (7 October 2009):
 maybe she has problems or issues that she feels she cant talk to you about because you wont understand or maybe take it the wrong way or maybe think shes stupid weird and youd wanna break up with her.to be honest you need to sit down with her and just tell her that you love her you dont understand what she meant your there for her and willing to sit and listen to anything she needs to get off her chest and that yourl understand and try and help her but you need to ask if maybe she sees you with a future or not
A
female
reader, masquerade711  +, writes (7 October 2009):
 My answer may sound a bit pessimistic, and I don't mean to, I'm just speaking from personal experience here.
An answer as vague as that one tells me that she is simply not into the relationship anymore, but feels bad telling you that, so she's using that as an excuse as to why she's ending it.
Now of course, on the other hand, it could be that there is indeed something you're not giving her and she doesn't know how to communicate that to you, as other aunts have said.
It's too vague to accurately guess what she's thinking, so I agree with the advice that you should speak with her and ask her to be a bit more specific.
masq
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (7 October 2009):
 That is really, really unclear. So I would just straight out ask her, "I'd really like to fix things and make you happier in our relationship, but I'm just not sure what you mean, and what I can do to make things better for you."
You sound very compatible - and hey, I like eating with my hands too. It makes me connect more with the food! Just like I'd rather walk on grass than sidewalk.
Ask her what she means, because I sure don't know!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): :) You say "opposites" and then round off 15 ways in which you are absolutely similar.
If by yuppie you mean you have an organised life, with a safe job... and if by hippie you mean that she has a freewheeling work style and mad friends then maybe there is an emotional side to her which is not as cute as hiding notes and the like...
This sounds like an unfinished conversation or incomplete information. Is this how you see her? Like a hippie but cute? Do you guys discuss serious things, and non-negotiables? What level of hippieness are you comfortable with?
My hippie friends, for instance, are sexually experimental (threesomes, snakes etc.), they smoke pot (often all day, during work too), have been paid for sex occasionally when they needed the money etc. Completely off my emotional threshhold. I know all this because they don't feel I'd judge them, even though I'd not be able to handle someone who IS (not WAS) like this.
I am not even suggesting that she is the same or similar but it is likely that she may have had experiences or an emotional reality that is or has been much darker than yours.
Did you have a conversation about sexual histories, or confessions of mad teenage years etc...?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): Have you asked her directly about this? I think it is a bit unfair for her to expect you to mind-read, to know what it is that is missing in her opinion.
What could she mean? Well, I can think of two possibilities. Both may be incorrect, but I'll try my best. One possibility is that there is something troubling her, maybe something about herself, something which has happened to her, or something she has done. She feels bad about it and would like to tell you. But she is worried that you will think badly of her. Obviously, you won't be able to connect to this side of her, because she is hiding it in fear and insecurity. So maybe she would like to get it out in the open, but is afraid of the consequences?
The other possibility I can think of is that she isn't completely happy in the relationship. She says she feels something is "missing", you are not giving something to her. So maybe she feels she isn't getting what she wants from the relationship, and feels dissatisfied.
I think it would be helpful to talk to her about this, and ask her exactly what it is that she is not happy about. Unless she tells you, how will you know? How will you be able to try and put things right, if that is what she is looking for? She really needs to try and tell you. But remember that she is obviously worried about telling you, so try and be calm about the whole thing. She may need some reassurance before she feels she can open up.
I hope you are able to resolve this together, whatever the issue is. Good luck. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2009): Ask her the name of the thing that you are missing.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 October 2009):
 Well I'm a mere female and I haven't a clue what she means. She was pretty darn vague. See if you can get her to truly explain what's bugging her.
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