A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Recently I have been thinking about ending my relationship but I'm so unsure whether I am making the right decision or not. I love my boyfriend so much, but at the same time he drives me so mad that I don't know if I could be in this relationship forever. I have also started to wonder about other men and whether there is anyone more suited to me out there. But when I think of the good times and usually when I see him, I can't imagine ever being without him and I get really upset for thinking the way I have been. I am literally torn over what to do, any advice? I've tried the pros and cons list but it was about equal! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): Erm thanks IAmHereToHelpYou, I do appreciate that and agree with it to be honest. I was just replying to the question from someone earlier who asked what the cons were, as some more serious ones will count for more than others. I wasn't disrespecting the advice you had given or anything :/
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): Hi everyone I am the OP. Thanks to everyone who has commented so far, it's really appreciated. For those who have asked what the cons are, I'll give you a few examples: 1. He will never do anything he doesn't want to do. So if I ask him to do something I want to do, he often says no unless it is related to his (very limited) list of interests. 2. He is very negative and complains about so many things, particularly restaurants and hotels, when in my opinion there is nothing wrong (eg not liking the view from the room we are given) 3. He is moody and very impatient. Like he will often call me to ask me to go somewhere last minute, and go in a huff if I cannot be ready almost immediately. 4. He often does things I don't agree with, such as smoking weed or drinking after a few pints. I don't like this at all and it causes arguments. He thinks I'm being a goody two shoes. Anyway I hope this helps. I know I've only listed the cons but please know our relationship is not all bad. Thanks again :)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 I've done the pro and con list... my former husband was 50/50 but i married him anyway. I loved him enough but i was old and not making babies with him so I was not concerned about that.
You are young... do not settle for 50/50
if you are THINKING of leaving... then it's probably best for you if you do. I was not strong enough, I didn't want to hurt his feelings.... in the end we loved each other but not enough.... we are still very friendly but we are both now with others that we love more...
don't compromise...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 February 2013):
 I agree with IAmHereToHelpYou, 50/50 is not a good enough proportion, heck if you aren't a particularly bitchy pissy type, that's your average rate of compatibility with ALL the people in the world. If you have to be partnered with somebody the pros must exceed the cons.
Then again, it is also a matter of quality, not only quantity.
Supposing that one of the cons is that he always drops his dirty socks on the bedroom floor, well, there can be creative solutions to that,... bribing him with his favourite cake if he picks them up ... hire a maid... sleep in separate bedrooms... something. And if nothing works, well , one can learn to suck it up and live with a messy guy who's also, though, a great bf or husband.
But what if the con is that ,say he is a cheating dog that will sleep with anything female he comes across ? that would be a BIG con and would cancel dozen of pros...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): I disagree OP there should be no "cons". I don't see my fiancée's annoying habits as cons in any way, how selfish she is with the covers, how much of the bed she takes up, the fact she watches soap operas and stuff, they're the worst it gets for us and there are no cons.
The fact I will only ever sleep with her for the rest of my life, only be romantic with her and no one else, they're not cons I actually love the idea it'll only us from now on.
OP how you feel about your partner when they are not around is the true gauge of how you feel for them.
Even when I think of the bad times, which have been few and far between, I know she's perfect for me, I have never once my doubted my relationship with her or where it's going.
I have felt the way you did with one or two of my ex's and frankly OP, the good times alone, liking being with someone while they're present is more a matter of comfort than deep love. Any time my eye has wandered it's because I didn't feel the relationship was enough for me and yeah I have been guilty of dragging those out because the confusion of mixed feelings is something I convinced myself wasn't relevant.
How you feel when you're alone is the most important thing, OP if you don't yearn for your partner and in fact find yourself thinking with a bit of excitement at the prospect of seeing them again then it's unlikely they're who you want to be with.
I found that out after a long time of denying it to myself. Sure there can be times when your partner pisses you off and in those times you're glad for your space, but even in those times others won't be appealing to you if he is the man for you.
The fact you can list a load of cons OP is not a good sign. I could list a load of annoyances but they don't bother in me in the slightest and I certainly couldn't list any cons.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2013): you will find someone who makes you happy beyond belief. And regret staying with a douche for so long.
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A
female
reader, 19webera +, writes (23 February 2013):
 If your having second guesses.. Let it go. Don't settle for less then you deserve!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (23 February 2013):
 Well, as you know, life isn't always smooth sailing when we are involved with another person.
Have you tried talking with him about the things he does that drive you mad? Is he irresponsible about money, commitments, or what?
Maybe you could post again and tell us a bit more concerning what he does that has you in such a dilemma.
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (23 February 2013):
 Hmmmm right I think the real answer here is to find the middle ground. Obviously these issues you have with your boyfriend are serious, little niggles that have accumulated and are serious enough for you to be half tempted to look elsewhere, so they obviously need addressing or else the net result will be that your relationship will end in any case.
However, your obviously not ready to fully walk away yet, if you do I think you will regret it in your current frame of mind, so, I think you need to sit him down and have a state of the union type of conversation and try and work through these things. If that doesnt work then maybe it will be time to walk away but only then, after you have tried your hardest. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (23 February 2013):
 Think very carefully whether or not these thoughts are just a phase or not. You could try talking to him. To me though, if they are recurring thoughts, especially wondering about other men, then it sounds like it could be the beginning of the end.
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A
female
reader, biba  +, writes (23 February 2013):
if you are thinking about breaking up with him then there must be something bothering you, you should take some time to think it over and when you figure out the real reason behind this you can talk about it with him if it can be fixed.the point behind the pros and cons list is not solely to see which one is longer , it's more about how u see it, when looking at it see if the cons he has can be fixed somehow and if the pros he has really make up for the things you don't like about himThink about yourself , and whether you want to stay in a relationship that might be full of uncertainty and doubtbest of luck
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