A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I wondered if you can tell me what's wrong with me (if anything is) I'm having some issues with confidence. I've always had an issue with confidence to some extent, but over the past few months I've tried to change. Some days I feel like I'm on top of the world, possitive and can take on anything... Then other times I have days like this where I'm thinking negatively about everything, I have no spring in my step and I feel so awkward around everyone I can barely look them in the eye. What brings this on? It's so frustrating! I have no reason to feel down, and being gloomy and awkward isn't really an attractive thing! How do I break this cycle?
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female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (19 September 2011):
I've been in your shoes too. (Don't feel bad about feeling like this, you will get there in the end, we all do - not sure how, but we do! List her bad points when you're feeling nostalgic about her! hahaha!
All I can suggested/know from experience is the less time you spend alone and the more time you spend with people who's company you really enjoy (friends) the less you think about them!!!!
And tell your ex you 'hope' you will be able to be friends in the future, but you just can't right now. (If she has any respect for you, she will understand).
Shame I can't invent and anti-ex-pill cause I would be a millionaire!! ;-)
Best of luck x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFate100percent, that's great advice, thank you. I just can't help but feel like I should be in a position now where I can accept that things didn't work out and that I'll find happiness again in the future, and knowing that I'm not there yet makes me feel frustrated and sad. My ex would really like for us to be friends, but I just can't at the moment and it makes me feel bad. I'd love to be able to be friends with her, but I'm not going to be able to do that until I find somebody new!
A mix of my ex and myself is probably putting extra, unnecessary pressure on me and I just wish I knew how to stop it, because it isn't doing me any good!
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A
female
reader, TheBeautifulDisaster  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 hie my dear...confidence is a matter of what you think of yourself, hoe you view you. The way you think and feel about u is the way everyone around you views you. All you need to do is make sure you dress so well, that when you look at yourself in the mirror you see fabulosity, convince yourself you are looking great and are a great person with a great personality. Have a positive attitude towards life. Don't care what people think of you, care only what you think. At the same time remain humble, smile:)
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female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (17 September 2011):
I think you've just answered your own questions there...!The break-up of a relationship is hard, it knocks your confidence (and I don't care what anyone says), it doesn't matter if its short term, you've still invested time/love/trust in someone-sometimes I think it's even harder in a short term relationship if things seemed to be going well, them BOOM dump day comes out of the blue- where as ltr, people have often distanced themselves emotionally from the relationship long before it 'actually ends'When you have a bad day you automatically think my life is crap, I'm crap even (insert exes name here!) didn't want me.You have to spend more time doing things that make you feel good I guess, and surrounding yourself with positive people and friends.(Someone told me once that an elastic band around the wrist when you are on your own and start moping about an ex, ping it really hard! OUCH, that may stop you thinking so much about them! ;-)It wasn't meant to be with ex at that time, and it's hard to accept it, there is no timetable for it, we all get over things in our own way, at our own speed.Try to keep busy, and with people/friends that make you laugh, and limit time alone to the bare minimum if its when you're alone that it's worse?Good luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the answers, they're all really good. I'll give some more feedback as requested and hopefully we can figure this out.
I wouldn't say the change in me is severe, but I certainly notice it. I can hide it from my friends and my colleagues. I'm able to laugh and joke just like I normally would, but on the inside I'll be thinking negatively and feel really awkward around people I don't know. These off days don't tend to last long. Maybe a day or two, but certainly not weeks at a time.
I will agree that I am quite hard on myself. I always have been and I don't know why. It's something I'm really trying to change, but it's difficult to feel positive when feeling the way I do sometimes.
I don't believe I'm depressed, because I feel okay the majority of the time. But I am an anxious person though. The only area that makes me anxious is my love life. I was in a short term relationship until earlier this year and ever since that ended it has left a void in my life. I know that must sound stupid given that it was short term, but I really liked the girl I was seeing and our relationship was wonderful while it lasted. The break up was circumstantial and a short time later she found someone else and they've been together ever since.
I'm trying to put that in my past and move forward, but as much as I've dated girls since then I haven't found a new partner. This is usually what puts me in that mood, and the fact that I still feel sad whenever I think about the break up makes me all the more anxious. I feel like I should be over it by now, instead I feel like a freak! It's a cycle that I need to break. I can't carry on feeling like this over a relationship that wasn't even 6 months long!
I just want that feeling to stop. When I feel blue, my ex is the first thing I think of and all it does is make me feel more blue, more anxious and more awkward. How can I change? I really thought it would have after all this time, but since that break up I feel like nothing has gone right for me... What do you think?
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female
reader, Red591  +, writes (17 September 2011):
 I have a problem with confidence also. I simply FAKE IT. I have acted like something has not bothered me before when I felt like dying inside about it. Pretend you are an actress. After faking it, I eventually actually became more confident. Although I still over analyze things and make things my fault sometimes, I have learned to tell myself that most things that happen are not my fault, have nothing to do with me, and to stop thinking about it. Sometimes those of us with active brains are made miserable by it. Most of the happiest and most confident people out there are complete idiots. Sometimes I have to let myself be an idiot so I can relax and get some sleep lol
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (17 September 2011):
 Hey, well my friend it kind of sounds like this could be one of two things. First one. You could be depressed, has anything happened recently which has really set you back? maybe a split up, or a big change? I used to be extreamly depressed and i couldn't understand what caused my massive change of emotions. One second i wanted to everything and anything all at once, and then the next thing i lost all motivation and would resort to staying in all day and just being a recluse. Secondly, maybe you have anxcity? do you have panic attacks, or maybe feel extreamly out of place when you go out, or lately just feel insecure. I have a form of anxcity, and ive had it since the age of 7. Its very hard to explain, but you can sometimes just feel nervous, shakey and worry constantly about things which are pointless. It could be neither of these things, they are just suggestions, but i can defointly relate to you. What i find that helps is to write a list of things you feel you can do that you enjoy, or, maybe just find some sort of hobbie that takes the nerves and stress away and just takes your mind away from things (for me painting helps). Another option is just try and figure out why you are feeling like this, and maybe write down a list of steps which you can work towards in order for yourself to feel better. If none of this helps, then maybe see your local doctor and see if he has any idea. If you are depressed or have anxcity, then there is medication avalible. Normanally the medication works for some, and doesnt for others. But if you feel these emotions are really out of your controll I suggest you speak to a doctor.
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female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (16 September 2011):
I don't know, but providing you don't have a hormone imbalance (which I'm guessing a doc could check via a blood test) I think you are pretty 'normal' (so to speak!!) We all have good and bad days! (Has anything happened in your life that you could relate it to??) Has something/someone 'knocked' your confidence recently? A comment from someone perhaps?
It's funny actually that people who I work with comment on 'how confident I am...???!!' when I don't think I'm confident AT ALL!!
If there is no 'medical reason' then maybe it's just who you are? (An up or down person) no inbetween? Perhaps speak to your GP or go on a 'confidence building' course to help?
Good luck xx
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (16 September 2011):
 I don't think you suddenly arrive at being this supreme confident being. I think it's an on going process to becoming confident over a lifetime
Give yourself a break, you're doing really well!
Every time you catch yourself being negative, acknowledge it and change that thought to something positive, but don't judge yourself at the same time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2011): Everyone has off days. It is normal. The question is how sever is this change? Have you ever had "off days" for two weeks or more at a time? Or perhaps certain times of year you seem to have more of these days?
Also, on your positive days is it way more positive than should be normal for just a "normal" day? And do you ever have maybe a weeks worth over extreme happiness at a time?
These are some important questions. If you follow up with the answers I am interested to hear.
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