A
female
age
41-50,
*upid lover
writes:Hi there,I have a friend that I have known since I was 10 and when we were little we were very good friends. She has always been a little jealous of me but loves me at the same time if you know what I mean? We are now 30 and we have always stayed in touch. We live in different cities now but I have noticed that when things start going well for me she tends to appear and want to hang out and asks me a hundred questions which is very draining for me because I am very very private and like keeping some things a secret. I just don't see why my business has to be shared but this friend NEEDS to know. She likes to live vicariously through other people as she has chosen a very safe route in life......... married high school sweetheart, 2 kids, financially well off, parents live next door etc. My problem is that I feel like that when she asks me questions, some of which are very personal and sometimes painful to talk about that it is not out of care for me but simply keeping tabs and perhaps making sure I am not getting ahead of her (even though our lives are so different). If there is a time where she feels jealous or threatened it is only a matter of time before she say a sarcastic comment to bring me down. I guess it just feels like a competition a lot of fhe time. After the conversations I feel like I have given away information and I feel empty and used. Sounds extreme I know but it's true. She walks away up to date with all the "data" of my life and stores it up to tell other people that I went to school with. Most of all she just really wants to know my business in detail but at the same time she cares as well. Very complex.She didn't invite me to her 30th or 31st bday parties or her kid's christenings. I received a text from her today saying that she might be coming to my city for a wedding for a couple of days and can she stay at my place. I live in a small cottage so we would be in ea h ofher's space the whole time which doesn't bother me really. It's more that she is nosey to the point where she used to go through my drawers the moment she walked in the door and look at every piece of clothing hanging up before actually sitting down and relaxing. That's when we were teenagers. I haven't had her over to my house for about 6 years and I am nervous about the idea o her walking into my life for a few days just to get the picture, make me feel shitty and then walk back to her life with all the "info".What would you do?
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female
reader, cupid lover +, writes (19 April 2013):
cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have told her in the past a few times how much her incessant questions bother me butis he can't stop! I also forgot to mention to you guys that her best friend is someone that bullied me in high school so that gives me even less of a reason to trust her.
I have sent her a text today saying that I will be out of town but will be back on the morning of the day that she leaves so that we can meet up for breakfast or lunch.
A
female
reader, HeresBoo +, writes (19 April 2013):
 I can't tell if you enjoy her company or not.
If you do, you could let her stay but I would lay out some clear boundaries beforehand. That you need your space and privacy.
If you don't, just tell her she can't stay and you're sorry. But don't give a flimsy excuse because that will hurt her.
Let us know how things go xo best of luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2013): This is what friends are for, they are suppose to make you feel good about yourself, not the other way around. She cares, so what? It doesn't really matter if she is like this with you. And this competition is not a very nice and caring trait of her and jealousy also.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2013): I would tell her I was going to be out of town that weekend. It doesn't sound like you really want to spend the time with her.
The next time she's in your city for a day and you get together, simply don't answer some questions. Come back with "Oh, you don't want to know THAT, so tell me, what's new with you?" to turn the questions around. If she's put under the spotlight she might not like it and re-evaluate her approach.
You could also fill your together time with activities that don't leave too much room for chit chat, like going to a farmer's market or something. Still get time with your friend but at least you have a distraction.
I think coming right out and telling her "You ask too many questions, I find it draining and unfulfilling" will just hurt her and possibly push her away.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (18 April 2013):
First of all it is youe RIGHT to keep your priave business or personal to your self.You will have to be very Firmwithyour friend and just say to her you do not wish to discuss a issue with her and stick to it.To be honest after reading your letter i have ONE question for you.Do you think this is the way a friend should TREAT a friend.Its twice as sad as she is your childhood friend.Best Wishes Nora B.
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A
male
reader, MAX D +, writes (18 April 2013):
 tELL YOU FRIEND HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HER ONCE AND FOR ALL.
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