A
male
age
51-59,
*onty23
writes:I have written before, when my wife and I were going through a difficult time, and some of the answers and advice were really useful. This is my situation now: we have been married for nearly 16 years, we have 2 daughters, aged 10 and 14. Our relationship has been close, but we have always suffered from my wife's restlessness and dissatisfaction. Two years ago, she had an affair with a colleague at work - an 'emotional one' involving texts, facebook messages, secret meets at work, and possibly some dates. I pleaded with her to end it, after she denied it, but eventually - after many false starts, she ended it - but in the meantime told me she had never loved me at all. However, she decided to stay, and we went (after my urging) to couples counselling. She has since admitted she has struggled with depression for years - during the midst of the affair - she was in fact close to suicide. Now: she has begun to act a little distant - she is in touch with this man again by text and chats, and recently was searching for 'hotel' and 'affair' on Google. I did tell her if she cheated on me again - it would be the end. If I confront her, she will do as she did last time (I think) and deny all. I love her, but the trust we had has long gone. What should I do - in the short and longer terms?
View related questions:
affair, at work, cheated on me, facebook, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jonty23 +, writes (13 April 2010):
Jonty23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Guys and Gal(s).I had pretty much came to the same conclusion, and that in itself was quite liberating.Watch this space... I'll let you know how it goes.From past experience, she suffers a serious downturn in mood from Easter, well into the summer. This tends to coincide with heavier drinking, unexplained absences, more time on Facebook, and more floods of text messages to her phone, together with long text conversations during which she cuts herself off from the world...We'll see.
A
male
reader, ulick  +, writes (12 April 2010):
 Hi, I am sorry to ear about your situation. Frankly I think you really went the extra mile here and maybe its time to move on. She seems to have some real deeper issues that are maybe not related to you and that she needs to address before she is able to resume a proper relationship. But she might not want to do so. Its sad but its necessary and you will feel better with time.
...............................
A
male
reader, lerokiya  +, writes (12 April 2010):
Your wife sounds like my Ex. She cheated on me a few times (that i know of). This last time I shut the door. our kids are with me, she is with her fellow cheater. it won't last very long as I hear their relationship is already strained at best. it's called Karma my friend and it's what's going to happen to your wife. If you allow her to come back, it will only enable her to do it again and again. some women are just not faithful and u can do whatever u can do, it's still no guarantee that it won't happen again. it's an addiction we must break and not fall into ever again.
...............................
A
female
reader, LoveGirl  +, writes (11 April 2010):
Sadly this time you have to show her you are not a fool as below.
I think your wife has not leanrt from her adultery. I think she knows that you love her, so much so that you will be blinded by her affair again. Time to put
Thoughts into actions. I think you know where all this is leading. Plse be wise and make plans to live your life without the lies and mistrust. Plse take time to make peace and make plans to make some harsh life changing decisions.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 April 2010):
Short and long term, it's time to leave. Genuinely, you couldn't have done more than you have. You have forgiven her first time around, and really tried to work at it. But let's face it, she is now in contact again, she is searching up the words 'affair' and 'hotel'. I think you should just say you found out she was looking at those, and that you can no longer stay in the marriage where she will just lie and hurt you. You have tried very hard, and it's sad that this just won't work out. But this woman just doesn't care enough about you to make this worthwhile. You have two daughters who will need you to be as strong as you can be. It will not be helpful to them if they find out you've stuck around while your wife is having an affair. It's time to leave, and just look out for yourself and your daughters. Your wife has made her decision that she wants out. She has now provided you with the grounds for divorce. On this occasion, take it.
...............................
|
