A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am in a long distance relationship with a woman in another country for 3.5 years now. She is 26 now. We love each other very much and our sex is so good that it is almost unbelievable. To my huge dissapointment, after 6 months into our relationships I have found out from her that she was an escort for 2 years, this ended 2 years before we met. But we continued and that is not the issue here now, I was able to keep up with my fears and jealousy and the thoughts of her with all these men. We moved on and now it is 3 years later. But unfortunately we cannot live together at the moment because my work is on another country ans she is studying, still has 1 year to graduate. But we were traveling to see each other every month for a week to 10 days. Mostly it's me who travel, as part of my work. The most time we spent apart is 1 month. This has been going on for a long time. However, over the last year she started to pressure me a lot that we should get married. I said we should wait a little longer, for her to finish her studies and I need to find a way to handle my work as there is no work for me in her country and I have kids from past marridge so she would have to relocate to live with me. But I was really still afraid of her past, even though I am willing to accept it. I was just buying some time, but the pressure mounted. Living in a long distance relationship is hard but we managed to do it quite well, talking every day and emailing all the time. We are very intimate and very open, or at least that was what I thought until last Friday.What happend is that I called her cell at 11am in the morning and she answered but I did not speak and she did not hang up. The call remained active and I could hear a conversation. She was talking to a man. The conversation went on for some time and then things became quite and few minutes later I hear her moaning, as in sexual excitement, but not the way she does it with me, sounded quite fake. Then there was some more conversation. I freaked out as I realized that I heard her in bed with another man !! I called her home from my other phone and she answered and was calmly asking how I was. I immediately told her that I know she was with another man, she denied it and I hanged up while stilll listening and I hear her saying "Fuck! go home, now ! go to work !" which was clear to me that she is sending this guy out. Then I called again, she still denied everything, she said there was indeed a man in the house but that it was a delivery boy for pizza, when I said I heard you moaning, she said she was masturbating in bed ! What a story. But after more pressure she broke and addmitted that she cheated on me , because she was very lonely and I did not even make it to her birthday (which was 2 days before) and that I am never there and she needs me so much. She addmitted everything and shared with me all the most intimate details of their conversation and sexual act. Apparently, this man met her at the shopping mall 2 days before, he was a friend of a woman friend of her, who was there with him but then left and he remained with her alone in the mall and she was shopping and he was with her talking, and then he suggested to help carry her stuff (as she bought something for the kitchen in a big box) so he went to her home with her and spent there like 20 minutes but nothing happend (I believe her) . Then, 2 days later, he showed up that morning in her apartment with a gift, a basket with breakfast and she opened the door and saw him and since she knew him she let him in (to this I already say - why???) But she said she was lonely and sad without me after her birthday and very confused with our relationship and not knowing if the reason that I did not come to her birthday is because I have another woman already, she became quite jealous and I can understand, the long distance can sometime be very very difficult. She is a VERY sexual woman and very attractive, a real head turner and I am crazy about her and she is about me. Our sex life was the best one can imagine, so this was a reason to cheat. But what happend is that this guy was romantic with her, he was very nice, talked to her for a couple of hours, and finally they were at the living room and he touched her a bit and was very nice, and then things rolled on and they ended up in bed. However, once the act started, she discovered that her body rejected him, she did not enjoy, she said she even suffered, and the whole act made her feel very bad. She moaned in order for him to think she had an orgasm and for him to come quickly and to get it over with. remember she was an escort so faking orgasms she knows well how to do. And for sure she faked because the moans I heard were nothing like the way she comes with me - she is always very vocal and she comes maybe 5 times in an hour, she is really a sexual beast with me. One thing she told me (and I believe her) is that because of bad experiences and hard life when she was an escort, she never had an orgasm with a man before she met me and that's why she became so obsessed in sex with me and fel in love with me. (Before me she had two bou friends after ending the escort thing and almost got married to one) But she never loved a man and never had pleasure with anyone, only with me. And she got MADLY in love with me as a result, and I got madly in love with her. the sex was so good that we could handle the long distance in waiting for our next meeting.So I asked her why you cheated? YOu have good sex, and you are in love. She said that she was lonely for a long time and I do not want to marry her and she had to know if she could have good sex with another man, as this will give her hope that if I leave her she can still recover her life and have life with another man. That she felt that I will never commit to her and she did not know what to do, that she never thought she would ever cheat on me and was always loyal to me (I know she was) and that this nice man showed up like this in the morning when she woke up and was so romantic and also attractive and he kissed her hand and talked nicely and she does not understand what happend, but things happend and she cheated on me. She is so full of shame and regret, she tells me all her feelings, she says that she will be loyal for me forever, that she is so sorry for hurting me so much, that it will never happen again,. She wants me to give her another chance and I said I will give oit a chance, because I love her so much. And this is so difficult because I heard the whole thing ! But at least I know that she did not have good sex and she faked - I heard it, and I believe her when she says that now she does not have any doubt anymore, in fact her conclusion is that she will ONLY have good sex with me and with no one else. That she had this opportunity in her home, in her bed, very safe, with a nice man, nice body too (I am also well built and attractive and she said he was like me) and he was even romantic - and with all this, when she went to bed with him, she felt nothing and it was like all her bad experiences in the past with all these men (she has been with 200 at least I think as an escort ) She cries so much in teers and she is so helpless and miserable, she keeps saying how she feels cheap and used, and a cheater and that she cannot understand how and why this happend, that she will do whatever it takes to rebuild my trust and repair our relationships. That she will be open with everything and will tell me everything down to the last detail of her life so that I can trust her again. \All these conversations are going on the phone for the last 4 days since only next week I will travel to her.I feel so bad, betrayyed and the pain is huge, remember that I heard it all ! :-( But I feel her huge pain and cry loud for forgiveness. I wonder what you would do in my place? Can I forgive her ? I will never be able to forget what I heard...
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cheap, cheated on me, escort, her past, jealous, long distance, orgasm, sex life, sex with another Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): Did you resolve your issue? Please update us.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (17 December 2009):
Since you are so convinced that she has stopped turning tricks and it was nothing but an accident, perhaps you should give her another chance. Its unlikely that she will do this again very soon. But as a person who lives in the a third world country and as a result has many escorts, I'm yet to meet one who is being maintained by just one man. No matter how much you give them, its never enough. Once they are out of the favelas, they are happy with a small place for just a little while, then the dreams are about a duplex, once you get that then a mansion is in her dreams and so it goes on. But she is being honest I think, that she feels she cannot trust that you will come through for her in the end; that you might later tell her that you have changed your mind and you are now going to be with someone else and she will be left out in the cold. I would suggest that you buy one of those hidden camera clocks or vase or something to find out what she is up to... I can see that you really want to be with her so you are going to have to block those images out of your mind; if you dwell on it then you will only get angry and frustrated. After this discovery, you are probably guaranteed at least one year of faithfulness and when she graduates, if you decide to marry her, dont be emotional about the prenup. Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBy the way, I forgot to mention that I know her family very well and I always meet with them when I am there. She lives in a small apartment which I rent for her, so right now she is safe and even financailly safe (althougn still a student and cannot support herself without me) . She is not in need of money on the side, she has security, home and she has good sex with me. But what she does not have is me with her all the time, only this long distance relationship and I think this is making her feel extremely insecure that all this could be taken away one day if I change my mind
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the responses and the support. I want to explain about the escort thing - I understand why many here think this is the issue and that it means she is tricking me or can't really experience true love. I will give you more details so you will understand it is not. She indeed had to do that for 2 years as she comes from a poor place and had difficult life but she got out of this at the age of 21 which was 5 years ago. She is an exceptional person with a very good heart and unique ability to look inside her heart and conncet to her feelings. She shared with me every detail of that part of her life and I understand it all. She had been with a man before me and almost got married, she went to his country (she is from Sao paulo Brazil) and had there life of a princess. As I said she is extremely beautiful and men get crazy about her, this man was rich (and older) and having suffered so much insecurity in her life before, she accepted and moved to Europe and she got engaged with him. she stayed there for a year and then she decided that she cannot live without love, and will not spend her life with a rich man whom she does not love. She went back to Brazil with nothing and started her life there, luckily he still supported her financially which helped. She took the money and went to university, deciding to build life for herself. For one year she ran her life with dignity and then this man said your time is up, come back or I stop supporting you and she was desparate financially and very unhappy since she did not have any other man and was lonely. Please understand that she never loved anyone and never experienced good sex with anyone to that point, a woman of 21 who never had an orgasm (she addmitted this to me only after 3 years) and was with 200 man, quite sad... And she This is when I met her on a business trip, and it was a life changing event for both of us, and more for her that day as for some reason, which I cannot explain, she felt secure with me (never with anyone before) and when we had sex, she had her first orgasm. She went mad and for a week that I was there she was crazy about me, of course I did not pay her anything, I did not know anything about her past at that time and nothing about her bad sexual experiences but the onding became so strong and we feel in love in no time. I have never been with a woman who had so much sexual pleasure with me, and this of course made me even more in love with her. But, I can tell you all (especailly the men here) that she was not lying and for her this was like discovering that sex is a beautiful thing and she was shocked. After one month she changed her plans to go back to that rich man, which could provide her with the most comfrtable life and she left him for good, cancelled her trip back and our relationsip continued. It was a very strong connection that was initially based on sex and she was the one wanting it more than me. She was in teers when she told me that she suffered so much selling her body and always trying to enjoy sex and never could. Sex became the most important thing for her. But I found in her a beautiful person and an extremely inteligent one, that have changed in front of my eyes over 3.5 years to show all elements of good judgement, sincerity, responsability and ability to love, to receive love and to communicate in an open and sincere way. As one noted I have the financial means and I support her and she does not need money. Based on our love and her total enjoyment with sex now, the most horrible thing she can think of is going back to sell her body to men that she despises. This woman has always viewed me as her protector in life and the man who gave her new hope. I am 100% confident that she never had sex for money with anyone. Why do that when she has all she ever wanted... except one thing, which I could not still give her which is a commitment for life together. And I think that this has left her with huge insecurity in her life since if I move on, she loses everything - love, security, good sex, and in her mind this means going back to be with a man whom she does not love and only because he has money, or living as a poor woman with her dignity. She has all and is extremely afraid of losing it. And she was pressing me so hard to get married which I cannot still do, I am still completing complex financial issues from my divorce and must resolve things. bear in mind, she is with me for 3.5 years and is in lobve witb me as I am with her. I can say with no doubt that she did not cheat on me before, but I think that this happend now because I was very firm in our last meeting that I cannot commit yet and then I did not arive to her birthday. She was under the impression that she is going to lose me and then this man appeared. He was a friend of a woman friend of her, (for those who still think of him as a client take this thought out of your head as this is not the situation as I explained about her) - and this man was charming and very romantic and showed up in her home and she was so depressed and this is how it happend. And the sex was very bad for her, reminded her of all her past. She is now 4 days crying in teers, we have been on the phone for 5 hours a day and she is sincere - I can feel it. Also, horrible but at least a proof to her sincerity, I HEARD it all on the phone as it happend when she had sex with him, and when I asked her about it, she gave me all the details and it was confirming what I heard. She is SO ashamed and feels cheap and that she did in one hour a destruction of all we've built for 3.5 years. She even told me, ""I feel that I am a whore again, I feel used, violated, dirty". I am talking about a woman who has self respect and can accept all the blame and wants forgiveness. I am not thinking that she did this more than once, I just think that she became really desparate and so much in need for hope that this man who was charming and HE WAS THERE (I was not !) made her think that maybe she can find love that is more accessible and someone that will be with her and not long distance. This is killing me as I feel that being far way is my fault but I cannot really do much right now, with all the other issues I am resolving.
Can I forgive her ? would you ? After hearing on the phone your beautiful women whom you love - having sex with another man , and not liking it (almost like it has started as a moment of weakness and was nice and romantic then when they got to bed she said her body became frozen, she could not move, all her past came back to her and she felt she is trapped and violated...) Does that sound to anyone here like the words that a professional escort would use to describe that experience? To me it sounds like a confession, with all the details of a woman who has slipped for a moment and is in such remorse for it, and she did not even enjoy it ... and her sex with me is so good to her. She always told me when we were fighting "The main reason I am with you is because of the good sex, men with money are many and I already gave up such life to be with you because I will never want to give up these orgasms which I discovered with you". Think about it...
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reader, AngellicaWaters +, writes (16 December 2009):
 I'm so sorry for your pain right now. How awful to be cheated on and even worse to find out like this.
I hate to say it, but I think this woman has been deceiving you all around. Given her promiscuity and past, I would say
1) She can't give up her past profession and has not quit having sex with strangers for money
and/or
2) Because of her past profession she is unable to act or relate to other men in healthy ways. She has sex far too easily with others and if you continue to be with her, she will do it again.
This is a part of who she is now. She can try to change, but do you want to be with her for the time it takes her to change?
Based upon this behavior I would say this isn't the first time it's happened and it won't be the last. It's just the first time you have found out about it.
Do you want to suffer through more infidelity before she learns? I don't think if you stay with her she will change. Most people change because they experience enough pain/loss to finally learn that their current behavior isn't working for them.
As much as you love this person, this isn't a healthy relationship and it seems there are a lot of red flags here. If you do proceed with her, use caution. Above all else, do not let her manipulate you into a marriage. She could very well be trying to get citizenship.
I hope things work out for the best and you find an honest and healthy person who is good for you.
-Angellica Waters
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female
reader, elmofudge  +, writes (16 December 2009):
well it is clear that you really do love this woman so much and perhaps the hurt is even stronger because of that fact. If you truly believe she is sorry, because you know she loves you and won't ever do it again, then perhaps you can go on and try and be the couple you were. I can understand how torn up inside that you feel right now, I think you won't be able stop loving her even in light of the circumstances. I guess it is really confusing to love someone so much and yet to feel so hurt and betrayed all at the same time. I'm not really sure what I would do in your shoes, I think I would have to talk to the person face to face and be able to see in their face if they mean what they say. Although it doesn't make much sense, maybe she missed you so much that she tried to recreate the love she has for you with someone else, even though it is never going to be the same because you are the one she truly loves. I think you maybe need to think about what she might do if it was the other way round, would she give you a chance? All the best.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 December 2009):
To be honest, I don't think it can. Long distance relationships take a huge amount of effort, and she has cheated, meaning she wasn't putting the effort in. She has failed you. You would do better to move on.
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female
reader, Angzw +, writes (16 December 2009):
It sounds like you are being thoroughly manipulated. As an escort, manipulation is de riguer; to make whichever man she is with think he is the best she's ever had and you have fallen for it. She is a professional so can you ever really trust what she says? I know you probably feel sorry for her, but I wonder, do you support her financially? Flying out every month? You must have a little extra cash than most. Perhaps you need to think carefully and maybe spend some of your dosh hiring a PI to track her a little just in case she is still turning tricks... The Pretty Woman thing is nice in a movie and all but in reality, you need to be sure its real love. Having said that, she sounds nice so you may be in love with her, but you may also end up broken hearted. Good luck with your decision.
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