A
female
age
36-40,
*w_collegecutie
writes:I met my ex boyfriend less than two months ago. At the time, he had been broken up with his ex for only 3 weeks. They had dated for 4 years and it ended with her cheating on him. We talked about his past relationship and he said that the last year they were together, they were basically friends and everyone, including him, knew they weren't meant to be together. Before we became official, I asked him multiple times if he wanted to take time to be single and he did not want this. So we started dating. Everything was perfect. We fell hard and fast. We said I love you within a couple of weeks, said we were 'the one' for each other. He talked about me to everyone and said that he had never felt this way about anyone. 6 weeks after we began dating, he asked me to come and confessed that he needed time to figure things out within himself. He didn't know what to do so I said we should go on a break. The next day, he had a completely different attitude and so we talked and officially broke up. He continued to tell me that he loved me. However, he also made excuses for his exgirlfriend actions (she was emotionally abusive and controlling). We have talked every day that we've been apart and I have seen him a lot as well (we go to school together). He got upset with me for going out for pizza with a guy friend and admitted that he was trying to start a fight so i would dislike him and it would be easier for him. He says that he wants me in his life whether its as his wife or friend or whatever. He continues to say sweet things to me. Today we spoke and he said it would be easier for him if we didn't speak as much. I would agree however it bothers me that it's easier for HIM. He's the one who ended things so wouldn't it make it easier for me. Winter break is here so I won't be seeing him for over a month. I'm not sure whether to initiate any contact with him over break or if I should just wait it out. I want him to go talk to someone and work things out and he supported the idea until he realized that whomever he talks to will probably tell him that his past relationship was unhealthy-something he doesnt want to admit. I want to hold on to him and show him that real love sticks around and doesn't abuse him..but am I just kidding myself? I have never met anyone like him and believe we are meant to be...so do I move on? Or do I stick around? Or can I do both?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, uw_collegecutie +, writes (17 December 2009):
uw_collegecutie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advice thus far...Despite saying he felt that we shouldn't talk as often, he called last night, saying that he couldn't help it and wants to talk to me. He says he looks forward to talking to me and wonders why he should stop something that makes him happy. He said to me that he see's himself marrying either I or his ex. I didn't know how to take this because obviously I want to be with him but if he goes back to her, I know I can't be in his life. I can't sit back and watch him go back to her. I also spoke with a friend who said that my ex said he was thinking that he probably wouldn't get back with his ex. So right now, I'm just trying to enjoy my winter break and see how things work out.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): Sweetie; He is a very confused fellow. Whether he and his ex kept on dating, she still would have an affair, for what ever reason. It was mentioned, that even though they were together, and tried to make it work, more on his feelings than hers, he should just walk away. Now with your actions, going out with another fellow for pizza or what ever, and he shows his jelousey about the situation, it shows he cares more for you than the other person(lady). What I would do, is set, him down,alone, and point blank, with out any BULL? S... ask him honestly, and look him in the eyes, what he really wants out of a realationship, and if you care as much as you are saying, about him, tell him exactly what your feelings are, and if he does not show any interest, you have no choice to move on to someone that will accept you for who you are. I am having an afair with my very loving cousin. We have been as they say kissing cousins for many years, started to be very intimate, and got more involved as we got older. I truly love her, more than life has to offer, and she the same. We are both pased having children, which is a bonus, but after trying to find commpanionship for either of us, we got together and to make a long story short, decided to stay as a couple, we both fell in love, and have the most loving relationship, that two couples could ever have.We make love twice a day, and have been doing this for a few yrs; both loving every minute, without any preaure on either one of us. I hope this was a help in some way, and God Bless in your future.
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A
female
reader, scrdofyou +, writes (16 December 2009):
 stick around hunny. it'll be hard, just wait it out until you feel you cant anymore. thats really all I can say.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): I know it sounds like harsh advice, but from what you said this guy is using you to get over his ex.
The question is- do you want to be with someone who is still getting over someone else? He seems to only want to contact you when it suits him and trust me, this is not a good place to be in.
Do yourself a favour- walk away and don't look back. At least until he proves he's over his ex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2009): The question is- do you have feelings for this guy? He's just broken up with his ex and he needs time to himself for that pain to heal.
Do you want to be with someone who is still getting over someone else? It sounds like he's only getting with you when it suits him (maybe as a way of getting over his ex) and that is not a good relationship to have.
I would walk away and not look back. At least until he's over his ex. It's your call though.
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A
female
reader, worth the wait?  +, writes (16 December 2009):
Hi,
I would let him know that you are there for him if he wants you to talk to, or if he wants you to be in his life, but you wont wait around for him forever, so he has to be prepared to let you go if you decide to move on.
He definitely needs time to think things through, but you need to go out and have fun and if you meet someone else, so be it. It may be that he realises how good you are for eachother and comes back to you, and if he does, make sure he is prepared to work things through together, and he needs to trust you to help him out, and he needs to be able to be there for you too. Good luck, hope things work out.
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