A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was in a wonderful relationship for over a year and we were really deep in love with one another. Then one day I went for coffee with a guy I used to love and we slept together. I told my boyfriend right after that happened. He decided a week later to break up. That was a year ago, and I am still feeling terrible for what happened. I cannot forgive myself and cannot move on. I wish he could give me another chance but he just wouldn't. Everyday I wake up depressed and go to bed depressed. I don't know what to do with my life and there's so much regret and self-hatred in me. What can I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): "so much regret and self-hatred in me"Which is part of the reason you cheated on your bf in the first place, although the form of the feelings may have changed. You don't cheat in a vacuum, you cheat for a reason.Your bf did the right thing by leaving, because whatever it is you haven't dealt with is something he can't help you with unless you are in a long term relationship (married or very long term marriage like relationship).Cheating is not just a momentary weakness, it is a symptom of underlying psychological issues.So, in contrast to what some would recommend, I would not recommend dating now. First, figure out the why's of your cheating, understand yourself better, and be aware of why and when you can fall into this trap. Then, understanding this well, you can begin to date in a responsible fashion as long as you are clean and sober.Yes, get professional help, you definitely need it. This is very complex and difficult to work out.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): Look not going to beat you up on this more than you've done to yourself. It's time to accept the fact your ex doesn't want you back, from what you describe as being deep in love for him to then find out you sleep with somebody was probably a big blow to him and once that wall of trust is broken it is difficult to repair. Your life must begin again, forgive yourself first, learn to love yourself and love life, it's too short to wait on regret and bitterness, chalk it up as a lesson learned, one moment of weakness can shatter something so good. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, lakers_lover09 +, writes (14 March 2011):
the frist thing u have to do is learn to let it go. not the relationship, the fact that u made a MISTAKE. we all do, and some of us let it toruture us forever and ever amnd ever. ur human and u make mistakes. dont carry thatt burden. seek hel to get u through it if needed. now as for your ex, maybe it was not meant to be afterall. u made a mistake and he didnt love u enough to see through it. find someone who will accept all of u even oyur mistakes. that doesnt mean you should make these mistakes again and again though
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A
female
reader, lush2010  +, writes (14 March 2011):
you have to find a way to forgive yourself. its been a year now. and find a way to move on... look to the future. start dating other guys, and learn from the past.
you'll never make the same mistake twice and your still young enough to find another decent man... so get back in the game and force yourself to move on.
And stop putting yourself through this misery. You paid the price in cheating , by losing your boyfriend. and you dont need to suffer anymore...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): I have been through exactly what you are going through. For me, the key was to learn to forgive, and trust myself. Somedays it is easier to forget and feel better, but when the lonely bed syndrome takes over at night, you go right back to self doubt and loathing.
The key is to learn to trust yourself. Make a commitment to yourself that you will never make that kind of mistake again - make a note to remember the pain of it when you do this, and then go out and live life. Live up to your own code of conduct. when you achieve this, you will have the confidence to move on in your life.
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A
male
reader, dannn +, writes (14 March 2011):
Don't go to the doctor they'll get you hooked on druggggzzzz. We've lived on earth for how many years and haven't needed depression drugs, why start now.
Thats a super shitty deal, on both parts, was there any specific reason you did it? (not happy with current relationship), and have you talked to your boyfriend since then? And have you tried starting to date again? Perhaps that would help, or hanging out with friends. Everybody makes mistakes, don't beat yourself up over it, you're your own worst enemy. I'm sure you'll be able to turn things around sometimes things just linger for awhile. Hope you feel better soon!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (14 March 2011):
I think if you're still feeling this bad after a year, the time has probably come for you to speak to a doctor about your depression. There's obviously a lot going on in your head, and I don't think you're strong enough to deal with it alone anymore. My advice is that you seek professional help for your depression.
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